Doing EFT for a newcomer without having to explain it

By Gene Monterastelli

I am part of a pastoral response team whose job is to work in a school system to provide aid and support to faculties and staffs in the first 72 hours of an emergency situation.  We provide emotional support, debriefing opportunities, and response activities to help the healing process.

Recently we were called into a middle school on a Monday morning after one of the 7th grade teachers, "Jane" had committed suicide over the weekend.  The students had responded as well as could be expected.  By 11am much of our work was done.  The students had all had a chance to respond, we had identified the students and faculty who were going to need special attention over the next few days and weeks, and the students were ready to get back to the school day.

Most of the team was debriefing in a hallway as we were waiting for one final class to finish up.  The vice principal approached us to ask if one of us would be willing to go talk with one of the second grade teachers who was having a particularly hard time.  Up to this point all of our energy had been concentrated on the middle school faculty and students because the grade school students did not know the teacher who had died.

I went downstairs to talk to the second grade teacher "Sally".  The teacher who had died had only been in the school a year and didn't particularly get along with the rest of the staff.  Sally was one of the few confidants Jane had in the school.  Sally was struggling with two issues.  First, she knew how hard Jane had it and was feeling guilty that she didn't do more.  Second, she was mad because Jane had left behind a 13 year old daughter.

I asked her if she wanted to try a relaxation technique that might help a little.  I asked her to show me with her hands how big these emotions where.  She held her hands about 2 feet apart.

So I said, "Place your both your hands our your temples like this.  [I demonstrated]  Take a few deep breaths and just listen to my voice.

How could she have left her daughter like this ... I should have done more ... I knew it was coming and did nothing ... her husband is alone to raise a child.

Now touch just below your mouth like this.  Take a few more deep breaths and just listen to my voice.  Guilty I didn't do more ... mad she left them behind.

I repeated this for the chin and collarbone.  I then checked in to see what was left, knowing we had made progress by just looking at her face.  She showed her hands 4 inches apart.  So we did one more round with just the four points.  I asked if she needed any things else and she just wanted to give me a hug of thanks and headed back into here classroom.

There are a few things I learned (and in some cases just reinforced) from this experience:

1. Not all the points are always necessary.  We have seen this as the basic protocol has moved from 14 to 7 points.

2. The client does not have to say anything to tune into the issue.  If the issue is intense enough they are fully tuned in and words are not necessary.  Also the practitioner can provide the words of focus when the client is not able.  In this case it was just easy for me to do it, so I didn't have time to explain what we were doing.

3. Sometimes it is easier to just do the work, rather than explain what you are doing.  In the past I have talked people out of EFT by trying to talk them into it.  People don't want EFT (or any other tool or protocol), they just what to be better.

By saying, "You want to try something that helps?" they say yes to meet a need.  But if I were to say, "Do you want to try a meridian based psychotherapy that works with the energy of the body to heal at the cellular level?"  I am going to get some resistance because I have to explain every part of the question I just asked.

4. ALSO, because I didn't feel like I had a lot of time to explain what we were doing I had her use the touch and breathe method instead of tapping.  I figured if I was going to have her tap it was a chance to place one more question in her mind.  I found keeping it as simple as can be removed all resistance to trying something new.

5. It is possible to work with two issues at once.  I know this is not the best practice.  I have seen in my own practice how powerful dealing with one small piece at a time can be for dealing with bigger things (often times collapsing more than just the issue we are working on). 

In this case I didn't have a lot of time.  I had pulled a second grade teacher out of a full class.  I took a chance on a super short cut.  I only used 4 points and did two issues at once.  It worked.  If it hadn’t, I would have moved to more points and one issue at a time.  Since the first found of tapping took less than 60 seconds it was a chance that was easy to take.

Gene Monterastelli