Can we learn to be grateful no matter what?

By Mair Llewellyn, EFT Master 

“The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated” William James

This article considers the experience of being in a state of gratitude and appreciation. It follows on from a previous one written for Gary Craig’s newsletter entitled forgiveness.  Forgiveness and gratitude allow us to move on from hurting to enjoying true freedom.  It also cleans up the writing on the walls of our mind.  When we are at one with ourselves, in the here and now, this awareness gives us opportunities to tap when we notice signs of resistance or discomfort.

Please, don’t read this yet if you are still feeling understandable anger, hurt, bitterness or revengeful feelings.  You may need to give yourself more time to hear and experience your emotions and more importantly, listen to how that younger you felt when no one else seemed to understand.   Allowing yourself to be heard can be magical.  This is perhaps your first ever opportunity in life to be with those emotions, and, together with the help of EFT, to love and heal your past, reaching a state of loving self respect is crucial.   Missing or bypassing this truly affirming way of being within could be counter productive. I am not talking here about self pity but genuine love and self respect.  Then, when the time is right for you, I hope you enjoy reading this latest article,

Warmly,  Mair. 

There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread – Mother Teresa 

I really wanted to write about experiencing thankfulness because I realise what a blessing it is for myself as well as for my clients.  Normally when I write I like to read what other very respected writers have written – so that is what I did.  I looked at the index of several books where I thought others insights regarding gratitude might be listed and found only one brief reference. Then I did a search on the internet and found many inspirational quotes.  I have included a small sample here.   I hope you enjoy the ones I will share with you as much as I did.  I firmly believe that being in a state of gratitude attracts more of the good that we are focusing on into our lives.  Not only that, but it is a beautiful place to be. 

Here are a few examples of ways that I have noticed that clients have expressed self acceptance, gratitude and appreciation in their own lives.

One very simple but profound way that we change from a stuck point of view is by reframing (seeing and experiencing a person or situation in a different light).  Reframing brings into focus the opposite condition to the problem.  This frequently happens as a natural part of doing EFT on our issues.  Many people describe themselves or others as experiencing their cup of life as being half full or half empty.  Both have the same amount in them and yet the perspective of life’s experiences from either point of view is vastly different.  

For example, a client came to me for help with her extreme distress following a surgical procedure.  Unfortunately, after her surgery she was left with far less functioning in her body.  We used EFT to acknowledge her feelings of grief due to this loss.  During a session where she was expressing this distress of her understandable loss she spontaneously reframed her plight.    First of all, we did two or three rounds of EFT and her set up statement was “Even though I can never be the same again, I deeply and completely love and respect my understandable emotions”……..After these EFT rounds of neutralising her anger, fear, loss and sadness she naturally changed her set up statement by adding the words in italics. 

These were her words  “Even though I can never be the same again -  I can be different – and I deeply and completely respect myself anyway.” 

“Even though I now know I can be different,   I honour my understandable emotions I have been doing the very best that I could.  

Not only were her words different but her whole attitude changed to one of genuine  positive future expectancy. 

Always look at what you have left.  Never look at what you have lost – Robert H. Schuller

When I asked another client how she coped with her husband’s M.S.  (Multiple Sclerosis) and his blindness in the later stages of his life, she said that she noticed just what it was that she could appreciate. For instance, when she was able with a carers help to take a break she enjoyed nature and marvelled at having the gift of her own sight.  She described to me how she looked around in awe and wonder saying to herself “I can see”.

What we see depends mainly on what we look for – John Lubbock

Noticing what is OK about our life or what a partner has done or, as Pat Carrington recently suggests, remembering where we have been OK is truly affirming.  What this process does is to direct the brain in a focused way to achieve more of the same.  I often describe this mechanism to my client as one of putting a blueprint into the unconscious mind.  When we clearly define exactly what we are wanting with our words, images and feelings this sends signals to our reticular activating system.  This part of the brain seeks out and filters information in relation to what we are wanting.   Later on we then notice that we are receiving more of the same. 

A good way of thinking about effectively using this system is of asking and receiving.  Or, of noticing and appreciating each incremental step, however small, that takes us towards our desired path. It is similar to putting up a signpost to direct our mind so that we go where we want to be.

And finally, being in a state of thankfulness improves our peace of mind, quality of life in the present and prepares the way for future well being. 

My next article will consider more about using EFT to set up for future success and well being.   This final quote was sent to me by Kath Temple at a very timely moment, when I was right in the middle of writing this article.  Thank you Kath!  It describes more effectively what I wanted to say.

Here is an except from a piece written by Oprah Winfrey entitled – THANK YOU 

I live in the space of thankfulness – and I have been rewarded a million times over for it.  I started out giving thanks for small things, and the more thankful I became, the more my bounty increased.  That’s because what you focus on expands, and when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it.  Opportunities, relationships, even money flowed my way when I learned to be grateful no matter what happened in my life.

Mair Llewellyn –   EFT Master and Trainer