By Odet Beauvoisin

Dear Gary,

For some people, music is particularly emotive, putting them instantly in touch with their deepest feelings. It links with precious, significant events in their lives - and is particularly beneficial when these are joyous links. Here comes the "but"....

After a death or separation, these same pieces of music can trigger overwhelming grief; and all the feelings associated with that loss sadness, fear, betrayal, shame, anger, isolation, failure, inadequacy, rejection, bewilderment etc. Music that once evoked joy, now links instantly and directly to a painful energy disturbance bringing the energy disruption (or "zzzzt", as Gary calls it) right up where you can tap on it. This is helpful when emotions cannot be expressed in words.

For someone unable to listen to "our favourite tune" years after a deep loss, close death or rejection; I have found that tapping the short-cut EFT sequence whilst deliberately listening to such songs or music relieves the overwhelming grief, and reaches a cognitive shift, in shorter time than standard talk-therapy.

I suspect that tapping along with the music accesses subconscious aspects … the sound of the music keeps the focus on the negative disruption until the disruption is smoothed out. Testing the EFT is so easy here. You are done when it becomes possible to hear the tune, song, or music with the original joy and with appreciation of all its personal meaning.

I began using CD's of such music for myself in the 2nd year following a deep personal bereavement (a loss that was all the more intense because it was almost identical to one from 16 years previously). The pre-EFT self-help therapies meant "steel yourself, feel the fear, face up to it," causing much pain (emotional and physical), little progress, and weariness from the effort. It was my attempt to come to terms with the loss, and dull its effects if I could. Forcing myself to be aware of what I should be grateful for, made me feel better for a short while, but only briefly. The best I could generate in myself was a resignation to "that's life", and a commitment to keep on living.

I have been using EFT for myself and for clients since I was introduced to EFT at the beginning of this year, but I only got "so far" with my personal grief by using verbal expressions, a variety of set-ups, and a multitude of specific events. Then I went back to my music CDs. The use of personally emotive music, with good, intense-but-now-sad memories embedded in it, seems to have bypassed the need for full conscious awareness of exactly what issue I was tapping on. Occasionally, a verbalisation came to mind, and I used it.

Even though you made that promise, and didn't keep it…

Even though I was a mug to believe it… This progressed to…

Even though you couldn't keep that promise… which became…

Even though you did your best, and I love you anyway - as well as myself.

I used to have to leave any public place that began playing "that music" in the background. You'd be amazed how often that happened; there were times it felt like a sabotage conspiracy.

Public displays of personal sadness are an anathema in Britain. Eruptions of private grief are generally treated as glitches in self-control, and meet with bewilderment and embarrassment; sometimes with hostility, and an apparent desire that the problem will evaporate of its own accord. Brits just don't know how to handle grief supportively. The writing on my mental walls says, "It is expected that you avoid getting upset in a public place. Get some control, or stay out of circulation", and I have been tapping on it since I discovered EFT.

And now, as I wrote before, it has become possible to hear tunes, songs, and music and to access the original joy and appreciation of their personal meaning, alongside a "normal" sense of loss. Listening to music has regained its life enhancing quality for me.

Maybe this is worth adding to the EFT toolkit?

With thanks,

Odet Beauvoisin  (Mrs)