Using "I love THAT about myself" in the EFT process

By Baerbel Froehlin, EFT-ADV

Hi Gary!

My client "Julia" has worked with me once before on her feelings about her difficult relationship with her only son.  For the ten previous years, Julia and her son had stopped talking; they both felt too hurt by what the other had done or not done.  There were no emails on Mother's Day or birthdays; they had no contact whatsoever.  This was emotionally painful for Julia, who after years of this turned to me for help.

We created a plan for her, to use surrogate EFT and a few other things as a daily routine, to send love and healing to her son who lives far away, to contact him on an energy level.  Through that daily energy work she obviously got things moving again, to the point that her son after eight years suddenly contacted her, ready to reconcile with her.  Since then both have been working hard to get back some part of their earlier trusting relationship.  The whole situation is still very fragile.

When her son got married the relationship with her daughter-in-law turned out to be extremely stressful for many reasons.  It changed the easier, more relaxed relationship she had developed with her son.

One day Julia called me very upset because she felt deeply hurt by the disrespectful way her son had treated her.  To move clients swiftly through and out of their emotional emergency I use what I call the "escape forward".  It means we will create or dig up something that serves as a strong vehicle for them to move forward, to pull them out, and to get the most essential shift from where they can go on their own.  This is always highly intuitive work on my side, done over the phone.  I may work on self-esteem issues, maybe finding a long-forgotten incident that will boost their confidence and give them back their lost power.

In Julia's case I knew that she still feels guilty about divorcing her son's dad who had later died. She believes that her son still holds that against her subconsciously and sometimes wants to hurt her because of that.  He still carries lots of grudges that he is not willing to talk about.  Although things weren't perfect as he was growing up, Julia had made many wise decisions.  As a single parent, she had worked very hard, often neglecting her own needs, never being praised for her efforts, often feeling exhausted and alone in her situation.

I knew she needed something strong, more appreciative, something positive that would prevent her from slipping back into old feelings of guilt.  Instead of saying "…I deeply and completely accept myself" at the end of the tapping phrases I had her say with lots of emphasis, "… and I love that about myself".  Here are a few of our phrases:

Even though he's hurting me again … I won't let him … I'll protect myself this time … and I love that about myself.

Even though I feel sad and angry … I am still a good person … and a good, reliable mom … and I love that about myself.

Even though I still have to tiptoe around in this relationship … I'm taking one day at the time … I love that patience about myself.

I never expected it to be so difficult … and I specifically love that innocence about myself.

I am handling it like a pro … I'm moving forward … and I really love that improvement about myself.

I want to be with my 40-year-old baby … no matter what … and I love and enjoy that about myself. 

I'm still his mom … I gave birth to him … after all these years … after all that happened … and I love that about myself.

I turned the pain around … l those years without him in my life … and I really love that healing energy about myself.

I can turn things around … and make them well again … for both of us … oh, how I love that about myself.

I have him back … I enjoy being with him so much … and I love that very much about myself.

The positive changes started immediately.  After only 30 minutes there was a very calm and focused Julia, taking back her power, not willing to cave in again to guilt or helplessness.  She calmly stated her tapping phrases, praising herself and enjoying it.  When I heard her giggle I knew the needed shift had occurred.  We ended with:

I choose to feel deeply at peace within myself … and radiate it out to my son … so he can feel at peace as well … I am so powerful! … and I love that ability very much about myself.

I let love flow freely and easily to my son … so he can feel safe and loved by me … and I love about myself that I can provide that safety for him.

I choose to transform any negative energy into more love … and I love about myself how well it works.

Of course, if there had been more time to work on Julia's issues, we would have many avenues to go to in order to eliminate the root causes of her problems.  I have to say that she obviously had a very profound shift that may carry her way forward in how she perceives herself in her difficult relationship situation.

Peace and Love to all!

Baerbel Froehlin