Low Libido is not always as simple as it appears

By Nancy Morris, EFT-ADV

Kelley came to me about "low libido" and "menopause".  She said she used to be very interested in sex, but over the last several years (she's 64) she has just lost interest.  We worked through some basic holdbacks in the first session after muscle testing revealed that Kelley wasn't 100% into wanting her libido to come back so we tapped:

Even though I don't really want to get over this…

Even though I'm afraid this won't work and I will never feel sexual again…

Even though, for whatever reason, I may not want to overcome this problem…

For homework, Kelley was to tap on (These were her words) Even though I'm not interested in sex…  I choose to really enjoy sex and I love sex.  I ask my body to get easily turned on and have great orgasms.

After two weeks, I checked in with Kelley.  She said she'd been tapping twice a day; that she had no more interest in sex, BUT she did notice she was "not getting upset with Robert (her husband) as much."  This sounded like a big piece of information to me.  We changed her homework choice statement to I choose to get easily and willingly turned on and we made another appointment.

Her first words were "the tapping is working; I masturbated twice yesterday. I got up during the night and went into the living room and then again during the day after Robert was gone."  I asked her how she was feeling about making love with Robert and this opened a floodgate of complaints and resentments.  It was great that she was so willing to admit this.  Kelley was frustrated with Robert.  So we tapped on Even though Robert is a jerk… and after one round she came to his rescue and said he wasn't really a jerk. We went through every complaint that she had about Robert and often were yelling some of the statements which felt good to her.

As the intensity level lowered and she broke in to say he wasn't SO bad, I started a long rambling setup something like this: 

Even though Robert doesn't show me he loves me the way I'd like, I know he does love me … he just doesn't understand exactly what it is I want him to do … he doesn't understand how I want him to be, how he should change to make me happy … he's doing the best he can, he's just a guy, he tries hard … HE just doesn't need what I need

It's hard for him to understand what I want and need from him … it's not in his reality … it's as if Robert said to me, "if you love me Kelley you'll get me a gluck" (this whole time I'm tapping on her points), "it's big, and it's grey, and it has square edges, would you please get me one?" and you (Kelley) love Robert so you really want to get him a gluck but you don't know how because you don't understand what it is, so you ask him for more information and he says "well, it's about 11 feet tall, and there is this funny energy that comes off the middle section, and there's something like a feather that protrudes from the top (by now Kelley is laughing), please, please Kelley get me one of these, then I'll KNOW you love me."

GC COMMENT: Now THAT is a simple, but quality reframe (reframe means another way of looking at things).

NANCY CONTINUES: I said, “You've been together over 16 years and he has not been able to give you this feeling, should you stay with him?"  Kelley said separating was not something she would even consider; there were too many wonderful things about the relationship and how they got along.  "Besides," she said, "I'm too old to change!"  I asked "how old is Robert?"  She laughed and said, "He's 64 also." 

At this moment I could tell that she got it.  If she wasn't willing or able to change, how could she expect Robert to change who he was after all these years? 

GC COMMENT: Another first class reframe.

NANCY CONTINUES: We tapped through a few rounds of, Even though Robert isn't perfect, he's a great guy… until Kelley was feeling this strongly.  Then we set her up with new homework: Even though I'm not interested in sex with Robert  … I choose to love sex with Robert … I ask my body to turn on easily and have great orgasms with Robert.

A few weeks later she reported that "the QUALITY of my sexual experience has changed; I realize that my issue was with something other than sex and I had a change after our last session.  When I do have sex it's always been good - sometimes great - but I wasn't getting other needs met.  I learned some things about myself that helped me to understand where I get hung up, and with this awareness I can choose different responses."

Ah, libido and its many attachments to so many parts of our lives.  Thank goodness EFT is the perfect tool for all those aspects.

Warm hugs, Nancy Morris, EFT-ADV