EFT Instead of the psych ward after a relationship breaks up

By Steve DeSanto

Michelle (single mom) phoned my wife, Nadine one night.  Michelle’s 16 year old son, Mike, was whacking his head against a wall.  He was distraught over his girlfriend saying she wanted to break up with him for good this time.  The relationship had been volatile.  Now she was serious.  Mike had "anger issues,” she said, and needed "professional help."  Mike’s mom told Nadine, “I was about to take him to the psych ward at the hospital, but then remembered you and EFT.  Nadine said, “this is just the kind of thing EFT deals with well.  Why don’t you come to our house and Steve will work with him.

That was fine with me!  I'd been itching to help somebody who had issues more serious than a few aches and pains because EFT works like a charm on emotional issues.

So Michelle and Mike show up 20 minutes later.  They come through the front door followed by The Girlfriend, Mary, and a mutual friend named Bill.  Mike’s head is down, his mood, dark and depressed. 

I immediately get him seated on the living room couch, explain EFT briefly and begin tapping.  The first phrase: Even though I'm upset my girlfriend is breaking up with me...

In the meantime, Nadine shepherds the others to the dining room and works with them so Mike and I can have some privacy.

The first round of tapping doesn’t reduce Mike’s upset at all.  His intensity remains at 8 on a scale of 0 to 10.  (A split second of panic sets in.  Have I bitten off more than I can chew?)  But I tap on the same phrase a second time and there’s a change.  Mike gets weepy and says, "Now I feel sad about past anger issues."  So we tap on that for a couple rounds.  His level of intensity drops to 0 out of 10.

There is a big sigh of relief from Mike and a big change in his face.  Then his upset about the impending loss of his girlfriend crops up again.  We tap on a different aspect.  I forget exactly what, but something like Even though I still feel sad about the breakup...  We then tap again with slightly different wording.  Again, more drop in intensity, but not as much as I’d expected and I’m puzzled.

Mike has cleared some hurdles, but something’s still weighing on him.  It’s in his face. “How do you feel now?” I ask.  He says, “I still feel SAD because I’ll miss Mary so much when she’s gone.  I say, “Let’s try to get rid of your sadness.”  He says, “But I want to hold on to my sadness, because that’s all I’ll have when she’s gone.”

I take his hand again and tap, saying: Even though I WANT to hold on to my sadness because that’s all I’ll have when she’s gone...  Mike follows along.

Intensity drops like a rock.  “It’s GONE!”  Mike says, surprised and suddenly at peace.  He’s almost smiling, but not quite.  This was an unforgettable moment for me, to see the serenity that settled over his face.

We chat amiably for a few minutes.  He tells me about his artwork and his interest in getting a summer job.  Then we return to his girlfriend issue and tap on a couple of choices:

I choose not to be a control freak because I know that's best for her.  And then, I choose not to be a controller because that's also best for me, too.

Before we get up to join the others in the dining room, I suggest that he tap on any bothersome thoughts that come up when he’s by himself.  (I had been doing all the tapping and had apparently not made it clear that EFT was something anybody could do.)  He really likes this idea.  I say, "How about if you do a round or two on an issue you choose just so I can make sure you know the tapping sequence.”  He asks, "Do I have to say it out loud?"  "No,” I tell him.  “It will work if you just think about it."  So he does one round on something private and lets out a big sigh. 

Length of complete session, maybe 30-40 minutes.  When they all walked out the front door everyone who came seemed at peace.   

Steve DeSanto

Optional - Some additional thoughts:

I’d like to point out some important things relating to the above session.  First, we have a single mom already stressed out because she’s single and raising 3 kids.  Michelle’s a spunky woman and certainly no shrinking violet.  But her son’s emotional condition caused her to seriously consider checking him in to the psych ward.  If Nadine had not answered the phone, she probably would have done just that.

Unfortunately, far too many parents do.  They trust the mental health system out of ignorance. They wrongly assume psychiatrists have the inside scoop on matters of the mind and can somehow work magic. (But they can’t ... unless they know EFT--grin).

Steve DeSanto