Soft language to ease The EFT Set-Up Phrases

By Betty Moore-Hafter

Dear Gary,

As I understand it, the EFT set-up paves the way for healing, shifting the hard, locked-up energy of psychological reversal to the softer energy of self-acceptance. I have found that creative wording with the set-up phrase can be especially helpful toward this end. Here are some of my favorites:

1) "with kindness and compassion" - "without judgment"

These and similar words added to the set-up contribute an extra dimension of support and care. Especially when the issue is a sensitive one, tears often come to people's eyes as we add these simple words.

Even though I feel unworthy, I deeply and completely accept myself with kindness and compassion - it's been hard for me.

Even though I'm so afraid of rejection, I deeply accept myself with gentleness and compassion - I've been hurt a lot.

Even though I feel guilty for that mistake I made, I totally accept myself without judgment. I'm only human.

It was my friend and EFT colleague Carolyn Lewis who first suggested some of these expressions to me. We trade sessions and, being on the receiving end, I experienced first-hand how good it felt to hear these kind words -- and how much emotion they brought up. For me, they went right to the heart. I highly recommend that fellow EFT'ers trade sessions. You can learn so much by being guided and sharing ideas.

2) "I want to bring healing to this."

Some people balk at the words, "I deeply accept myself" and say, "But I don't accept myself! I hate myself for this." One gentle way to proceed is this:

Even though I don't accept myself, I can accept that this is just where I am right now. And even though I don't accept myself, I want to bring healing to this. I would like to feel better, find more peace, reach more self-acceptance.

Whenever self-acceptance is difficult, just stating the intent for healing breaks the dead-lock of self-rejection. Most people do want to heal and feel better.

3) "The truth is." - "I'm willing to see it differently"

These words can usher in powerful reframes. And when you reframe a situation while tapping, it does shift the energy and things begin to change.

Even though I crave this cigarette, the truth is, cigarettes are making me sick.

Even though I still feel guilty, the truth is, I've done nothing wrong. This is false guilt.

Even though I still feel responsible for my sister, the truth is, she is an adult. She's responsible for herself now.

Sometimes amazing things happen after adding the words, 'I'm willing to see it differently." One of my clients was convinced that she could never have a child because she might abandon that child like her father abandoned her. As we tapped through her pain from the father issue, I began add the phrase, "and I'm willing to see it differently."

Even though my father really hurt me, I love and accept myself, and I'm willing to see it differently.

After several rounds of tapping, she seemed calm and said thoughtfully, "You know, I think my father really did love me in his own way. That's all he was capable of." She felt at peace with it for the first time. And, when I heard from her later, she and her husband were talking about having children. She knew she was not her father and would do it differently. She saw it all differently.

With the above, I often tap the points in an alternating manner. Beginning of eyebrow, "still feel guilty". Side of eye, "But the truth is (etc.)"

4) "that was then and this is now"

When childhood pain is being healed, people often feel great relief when words like these are added.

Even though when I was 8, I cried alone and no one came. I deeply love and accept my young self. And that was then and this is now. Now I have lots of help and support.

Even though I still feel anxious, afraid that something bad will happen. I deeply accept myself. And even though my child self felt anxious all the time, afraid my father would explode, I love and accept that child self. That was then and this is now. Now I'm safe. I don't need this hypervigilance anymore. I can relax now.

5) "I'm open to the possibility." - "I'm willing to entertain the possibility."

"Choice" statements are of course very empowering when we are ready for them. But sometimes stating a choice is too much of a stretch. Often, the gentlest way to introduce a better choice is to simply bring in the idea of possibility.

Even though I'm full of doubt that I can lose weight, I deeply accept myself and I'm open to the possibility that it may be easier than I think.

Even though I'm stuck in this anger and don't want to let it go, I'm open to the possibility that it would be nice to feel more peaceful about this.

Even though I don't think EFT will work for me, I deeply accept myself and I'm willing to entertain the possibility that maybe EFT will help. I'm ready for some help.

I believe that when we open the door of possibility just a crack, it is enough to start the healing process into motion.

With all of these phrases, you can keep "I deeply and completely accept myself" and add the extra phrase, or you can substitute the phrase. Experiment and see what works for you!

Betty