Using EFT on abuse issues from "Three points of view"

By Sam Smith

I'd like to mention an extraordinary "coincidence" that occurred when dealing with a recent workshop participant.

The participants were women whose partners had physically and emotionally abused them. They were sufferers of domestic violence. They were naturally suspicious and mistrustful of any man offering free help. This workshop was extremely difficult to set-up because of the inherent mistrust of a male within their ranks. It went well with lots of issues covered and treated. But I'd like to mention's one of 'Anne's' problems and what occurred because of it.

She had issues surrounding an argument with her mother some two weeks before. The argument concerned her mother's attitude about how Anne had been conducting a part of her life. They had not seen nor spoken to each other since and this upset Anne. Her mother always 'stuck her heels in' and Anne stated that she had inherited that stubborn characteristic. She could foresee this going on for several weeks when they would ignore each other. Eventually they would get together, probably at her sisters place and the previous incident would not be mentioned. This would be uncomfortable for a little while and then would be swallowed up in their course of their lives - to be present but not talked about. This was the 'pattern' they had followed for several years.

(The remainder of the participants were asked, in 'Borrowing Benefits' style to select a specific 'bothersome' event from their past. They were asked to run a movie, name it and give it a score. Five of the ladies indicated 7; three 8, three were at 9 and the last was at 10. Then they were asked to tap alongside Anne as we went through the procedure.)

In this instance I wanted to try a variation on what I normally would have done. I explained to Anne and the others about points of view. As you are probably aware they are called 1st, 2nd and 3rd position in NLP. I'll give a brief summary of each position in case readers are not familiar: -

First position is where we see, hear and feel the incident from our own eyes, our own point of view.

Second is where we view the incident from the other person's point of view. We literally place ourselves in their body and use and feel their words and actions etc.

Third position is where we observe the incident from a neutral perspective. We can see and hear ourselves and the other person from this point of view.

I then had Anne work from first position. We tapped on.

Even though it hurts me
Even though I'm upset at her
Even though I was angry with her
Even though I'm still angry with her
Even though I was angry with her
Even though I have this pain in my neck
Even though she hurt me
Even though I was mad at her
Even though I'm still mad
Even though I was right
Even though I still think I'm right
Even though she wouldn't listen
Even though she never listens*
Even though it was none of her business
Even though this will go on and on
Even though she always sticks her heels in*
Even though her stubbornness makes me angry*
Even though she has that tone of voice
Even though she talked down to me
Even though she won't talk about it now
Even though I can see her face
Even though she shouted at me
Even though I feel stiff in my back
Even though she ignored me
Even though she wouldn't let me explain
Even though she won't call me
Even though I'm hurting
Even though she always does this*
Even though she's done this before*

(*Obviously EFT'ers will note that Anne was shifting about with regard to previous incidents of a similar nature. But I chose to deal with them as they came up. In all we took some 25-30 minutes in this section)

When Anne felt no more 'tugs' regarding the matter I had her run a movie of the event from the second position and she was to report how her mother felt as the course of the argument went on. She was surprised at the following statements that arose and which we dealt with as they did so..

Even though she never listens
Even though I can't believe she's raising her voice at me
Even though she's stubborn as a mule
Even though I'm only trying to help her
Even though she doesn't respect me
Even though she gives me that look
Even though she's still young
Even though I won't be around to look after her
Even though I love her she still makes me mad
Even though she won't see it from my view
Even though she never gives in

Some 15-20 minutes of tapping took care of this section. Anne reported having a 'new point of view' over not only this matter but also previous ones. I asked if she wanted to revisit any of the previous ones and she reflected for a few moments (which meant in actual fact that she was revisiting some of them) before smiling and saying no.

She then took the last position. In this case she 'placed' herself between her mother and herself but in a position where she could look down on them both.

She ran this movie and came up with.

Even though this argument is stupid
Even though I look like a wally
Even though my mum looks ludicrous
Even though it is/was embarrassing - came up several times
Even though we were both to blame
Even though I should have listened
Even though I can't believe I said this/that - this came up several times
Even though I can't believe I acted this/that way - also several times.
Even though I feel guilty
Even though I showed no respect
Even though this whole thing was stupid

Approx fifteen minutes of tapping here and we were done.

I had Anne rerun the original first position movie. No negative emotional tugs anywhere. Then Anne revisited past incidents but the effect seemed to have generalised over them also as she stated that there was no 'pull' there whatsoever. She felt more 'at peace' about these past incidents with her mother.

I then had the group revisit their original issues and rate their score. Everyone had dropped by at least 5 points.

But here is the extraordinary thing.

We took a break and as is normal some people tend to check their mobile phones for messages. Anne let out a gasp. Her mother had sent a text message apologising for her actions and asking if they could get together. This had never happened before.

Now I'm not for a minute going to suggest that all that tapping, both Anne's and the groups in the various 'positions' had any surrogate affect whatsoever on Anne's mother. But it is nice to conjecture, particularly when the time the message was received corresponded to near the end of our session.

At this point I was challenged by a woman 'Julie' regarding 'my interference' in Anne's mother's world. I had no right she exclaimed. This was understandable point of view of course, considering the circumstances. Julie and her friends had suffered from men interfering in their lives, for most of their lives. And that interference led to abuse. I was no different. I had completed the first part - so I was challenged presumably before I got to the second part.

I view your tapes regularly, Gary. I think doing so equips me so much more when dealing with all manner of things, not just EFT but daily life as well. I needed rapport so I had Julie, who was a big woman, sit next to me. She was wearing a crucifix so I asked her.

'Have you ever prayed for anything in your life Julie?' Her eyes went moist and she nodded. It was not what she was expecting. "Did any of those prayers revolve around seeking peace?" Again she nodded.

Then I quoted from one of your audio tape sessions.

"This is a gift from God, Julie. I'm not the one saying it. Women just like you have said so and they found peace. I believe you can look at this as a form of prayer for bringing peace into your life. That's all we are doing here. Praying and bringing peace." The look of understanding on her face I will never forget. I then arranged for copies of the audio cassettes to be made and given to these wonderful women.

I have several points here I'd like to make if I may?

I'd like to think that practitioners on this list are viewing, reading and studying your materials on a regular basis. (I do 30 minutes. If I'm not looking to refresh on a particular case I just go with the flow and watch a tape. Often it brings the answer to a question I've been pondering.) Doing so, allows you to source quotes, ideas and all manner of things when you need them. I also believe that if you do this on a regular basis you sharpen your intuitive skills as well.

Using EFT on ourselves and our clients benefits us in many ways. But I think this following point is often overlooked. When we view and study your materials, Gary, we pick up facets of information that help us. When we review those same materials later, after having practised EFT on ourselves or our clients on a continuing basis, those same materials furnish new insights and information that we didn't receive from the first viewing.

But it's not because the material has changed - it's because we have changed. I believe that by removing our negative blocks, emotions and beliefs, EFT allows us to see and understand more clearly - in your materials and in life! EFT enhances who we are and who we are becoming. It allows us to grow and change for the better.

Using this technology is a gift from God.

Warmest regards,

Sam