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Deepak Chopra, MD
"EFT offers great healing benefits."
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"There's something lacking in my career."
Hi Everyone,
A thank you to Dr. Alexander Lees (from Canada) and his client "Janet" for this useful case about how to approach a difficult-to-define issue.
Some clients define their problem in such intangible terms as "I don't feel good about myself" or "I'm not very likable" or, as in Janet's case, "There's something lacking in my career."
These complaints are usually too global for efficient resolution and thus challenge EFT'er to find the underlying issues. Those of you who have studied Alex's previous cases on this email list are already aware of his expertise in using effective language to unearth such problems. This case is no exception. Please note how he takes Janet from "There's something lacking in my career" to "I'm not allowed to be good enough." This is an important step.
To add further use to this case, I add some comments of my own.
Hugs, Gary
____________________
"Janet" is a massage therapist, in her late 20s, and has been involved in the profession for eight years. Although business was steady, and a fair percentage was by referral from other satisfied clients, Janet stated there was "something lacking in her career," and wanted help with discovering the cause, and if possible, a cure.
As sometimes happens, when asked the classic question: "Well, if you did know what was missing, or, if you did know what needs to change, or, if you did know what you need, what would that be?" the answer was, "I don't know." The following works often enough when the client is stuck in this way, that I then said,
"Of course you don't know, yet, but if you did know, it would be....?"
"I just don't know, and that's the problem."
I then said, "Then pretend you know."
GC COMMENT: In cases like this I often ask the client to just guess.
ALEX CONTINUES: Janet was lost in thought for a while, then her eyes refocused, and she said, "Sorry. (with a sigh) That doesn't work for me." "Okay." I responded, " Lie." This is a shocker statement to hear from a therapist, for many people. Nonetheless, it sometimes provides the jolt they need, causing a shift in state, and allowing information to come tumbling forth. But not this time.
"I won't do that," said Janet emphatically, "Why would I want to do that?"
"Well, it depends on your definition," I said. "When it comes to therapy, a lie can be thought of as an untruth. And if a person really doesn't believe something, then it can be thought of as a lie, or untrue."
"If you have had a thought, or an insight, into the past, about what it is you would like to change, but immediately dismissed it as untrue, then asking you to lie, to speak that untruth, can sometimes bring it back to your awareness. Then we can explore it further."
Janet was again silent for a few minutes, then said in a small voice, "I've been here before." I simply raised my eyebrows, and remained silent. "I saw a counsellor last year. He was very nice. I enjoyed our talks very much. We got to this same place, me saying I know something was wrong, but we just couldn't get past the not knowing. Does this make any sense?"
GC COMMENT: Conventional therapy often just talks about the problem in an effort to gain insights. As in Janet's case, it rarely solves the problem. Clients are just more aware of why they feel stuck.
ALEX CONTINUES: "Of course it does, and getting stuck in the not knowing is so common for people, that I took some special training in a technique that deals quite well with it. Since you've already worded the problem so clearly, we won't have to change a thing -- so we'll use the technique using your words exactly."
"Since you are a massage therapist, you already know about energy blocks, don't you." (Don't you, was stated, not asked.) Janet nodded, and I tapped the P.R. point using the phrasing: "Even though I don't know what I need, or want, I completely and deeply accept myself." The slight frown caused me to pause and ask, "Does your inner mind want me to know something?" "Yes. It's like an inner voice saying, 'you can't accept yourself not knowing.'" "That's true", I said. "But you can accept that you don't know, can you not?"
After a bit more discussion, Janet volunteered, "I can realize I don't know what's wrong, and I can accept that I don't know consciously, but I believe my subconscious does know."
GC COMMENT: Superb languaging on Alex's part! Please note that after initiating EFT, Janet begins to have cognitive changes--she comes up with the idea that her subconscious probably knows why. This frequently happens during EFT sessions.
ALEX CONTINUES: "I agree. How about -- 'Even though I don't consciously know what's wrong, I deeply and completely accept that my subconscious knows, and I can accept that?'" "Okay", said Janet, "I like that."
We then tapped the P.R. point, using the above phrasing, then did a round of "This not knowing consciously." "Well, that was interesting. I feel better, in some way. But I still don't know the answer."
"Of course not, not yet. Let's do the next part."
We then did the 9 Gamut, and followed with a round using the reminder phrase, "This remaining not knowing." "Gee, I should use this with my clients. It's so relaxing," smiled Janet.
"Exactly. And when we relax, it's so much easier to go inside, and begin to notice the answer to the following question: How do you know that something is wrong?"
"Well", said Janet, after another thoughtful pause, "Everything is going along fine, and then I get this feeling...."
"And you would call that feeling....?"
"I think I'm just not good enough."
"And where do you get that feeling?"
"In my chest. It tingles, and feels like falling."
"On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the most intense, what number is it now?"
"Eight or so."
We tapped for "this feeling of not good enough."
"Actually, it's really that I'm not allowed to be good enough."
We did a short cut round for "not allowed to be good enough." and I asked "How do you feel now?"
"I think it was heartburn," she laughed.
GC COMMENT: Apparently, using EFT on "not allowed to be good enough" did the job. In my experience, most cases like this require more specificity. I would dig for all the specific events in Janet's life that contribute to her not being allowed to be good enough.
The following week Janet returned, this time with a clear agenda. "I want to learn that technique," she stated, completely congruent and bubbly, all at the same time.
"How's the, er. heartburn?" I asked tentatively."
"Gone," was the quick response. "And that's why you're going to teach me more about it. I thwacked two clients this week, before their massage. They both said it was the best massage they'd ever had!"
"You thwacked them?" I asked. "How much do you weigh?"
"110 pounds."
"A one hundred and ten pound massage therapist shouldn't go around thwacking people."
"I'm gonna thwack you if you don't start teaching," Janet said with a determined stare.
So I did.
Dr. Alexander R. Lees
