A Frequently Asked Question & Answer about EFT

"What you are doing is perhaps using an old recipe. The technique has evolved somewhat, over time. Give me an issue, and I'll show you the refined version."

By Dr. Alexander Lees

"I've been using EFT for a problem, and it doesn't work for me," was the presented concern.

"Sue" is twenty-eight, seemed in good health, successfully self employed as a bookkeeper for small businesses, and very disappointed with "This tapping business."

"Well, there's a couple of avenues to explore here," I said, "Let's start with you telling me what issue you are working on."

"My friend taught it to me," Sue responded. "She says it worked for her business partner, but didn't seem to do much for her, but she thought I would have better luck."

"Using it for...?" I asked, determined to keep on track.

"My friend's partner was having marital problems, and he feels EFT helped him to deal with the situation, but it doesn't work for other things."

Changing directions slightly, I decided that if we were to go anywhere with this, I better listen to my own advice, and pace the conversation a little more.

"So, your friend's partner learned EFT..."

"No, it was used on him, a demonstration of some kind," Sue interjected.

I started again. "So your friend's business partner volunteered a problem, for purposes of someone else demonstrating EFT, and your friend's business partner reported good results from that experience, is that correct?"

"That's right," Sue said brightly, "Then he showed my friend how to do it, and she showed me."

"And when she showed you how to do it, you tried it on...?"

"Well, I'm not really sure of myself."

This seemed a perfectly good time to use my favorite bail out: "Would you like some tea?" I asked. Having received a "yes please," I exited for the kitchen, tapping as I went. I don't know if it was the tea or the tapping, but certainly the value of the combination should be mentioned in Gary's EFT Manual. Either way, I was feeling much more resourceful when we picked up the conversation again.

"Now, then," I began, "Your friend's business partner experienced EFT. He liked the results. He shared his knowledge with your friend, his business partner. Her experience wasn't that great. She then taught it to you, and your experience was disappointing. How's your tea?"

"Wonderful!" said Sue, "Just the way I like it."

"And I bet you would like to be able to say the same about EFT, wouldn't you?" I asked.

"It seems so simple," Sue offered, "Why doesn't it work for me?" I changed chairs.

"Okay. You like the tea. Good tea follows a recipe. It's a simple recipe, but a recipe, none-the-less. In the same way as good tea is made, EFT follows a recipe. Why don't you demonstrate your recipe -- teach me how you do it." Sue started with a finger, tapping about an inch above the eyebrow. Then on her right temple. With each change to a new point, her eyes followed the movement of her finger.

My first inclination was to explain that she was doing it wrong, that whoever was doing the teaching wasn't very good, or that her friend's business partner hadn't paid attention, or her friend hadn't absorbed the information well enough to pass it on in a useful manner. Since blame and fault is never a useful teaching strategy, I offered the following:

"My goodness!" I interjected (which is one of those advanced psychological phrases I like to use). "What you are doing is perhaps using an old recipe. The technique has evolved somewhat, over time. Give me an issue, and I'll show you the refined version."

"It's difficult to put into words," Sue responded. "Great! That's a good one to start with," I said. Gently taking her left hand, I tapped the P.R. point and asked her to repeat: "Even though it's difficult to put into words, I completely and deeply accept myself." After two more rounds, I tapped the new points, using the reminder phrase, "This difficulty."

"Well?" said I, sipping my tea.

"I feel kind of settled inside," Sue offered.

"And now that you feel kind of settled inside, would you share with me what issues you were hoping EFT could help you with."

"Sometimes I make decisions, then contradict myself. It's like I don't trust my own judgment, especially if the decision occurs to me quickly."

"Is this true for all decisions?"

"Well, saying the right thing to a client, mostly," Sue said. I asked, "Would you say some of your clients, or all of them?" She answered, "Male clients."

I took Sue's left hand again, and tapped the P.R. point using the phrase, "Even though I am somewhat unsure of myself in talking with my male clients...and it's probably something I learned years ago...just writings on my wall...that should have been erased but somehow stayed...and even though I am successful with male clients..."

At this point, Sue interrupted with, "I'm not successful with my male clients."

"You lost them all?"

"No, I still have them. I even have some new ones, referrals."

"By male clients?"

"Well, yes, but..." My turn to interrupt.

I resumed tapping the P.R. point and asked her to repeat: "Even though some of my male clients refer new clients to me, I know I'm not very good, nor am I comfortable, with male clients, and wish they would all go away and be replaced with females." On the second repeat, Sue began to laugh. "Hey, this is supposed to be a serious problem" I said lightly.

"I just remembered a boyfriend I had when I was seventeen. He questioned everything I said. He was very sure of himself, and I began to think I wasn't bright enough for him."

"Let's tap on..."

"No," she interjected, "I see it now. Trying to please him really messed me up. Let me tap on something." As Sue began, I made sure she contacted the correct points, and that she used a reminder phrase. For this round we selected, "This intimidating experience."

"So, that's how it works," she said with a smile, when we were done. "I really think the refined version is so much better. Who did that?" I made reference to a guy in California, who because of his background, re-engineered it.

"I guess it takes someone like that to do so," Sue replied. Sue then left, complete with a diagram of the points, and written instructions for the recipe.

I spent a little time reviewing my decision to reframe Sue's learning EFT into "now replaced with a more refined version." To begin with, Sue did not have the points clearly defined, nor was she aware of the need to focus on an issue while tapping (thus the reminder phrase), and a host of other niggly issues that, had we gone that route, would just have created disharmony between Sue and her friend.

Sue phoned a few days later and wanted to share how much better the refined version was "on a variety of things." She had also shared her more successful version with her friend.

"But 'George,' my friend's business partner, said he learned it from an expert. How can that be?" Sue wanted to know.

Now, I'm really getting too old to think on my feet, but the few grey cells I have left shook off the dust, rallied, and out of my mouth came: "Well, learning from an expert doesn't make the student an expert over night, necessarily, does it?"

"That's true," was the welcomed response from Sue. "My friend and I are really interested in this, and we are going to learn more about it."

Dr. Alexander R. Lees