EFT helps a boy release his fear of being left alone

By Christine Metawati

"John", 12 years old, was afraid to be alone.  His mom contacted me to help John feel comfortable being alone in a room and to go downstairs by himself in his home.  John used to be active with outdoor activities like dirt-biking and snowboarding.  However, when he was 11 years old, he began to refuse doing these activities he used to enjoy.

On my first meeting with John, I explained to him that we have a powerful river of life-force flowing through us.  When this river flows easily and openly, we thrive and we grow to be the best we can be.  Sometimes, however, events in life or thoughts we hold created a block in the energy channels of our body, like a kink on a hose.  When that happens, we don't feel as at ease as we could.  EFT works to take out the kinks in our life-force channels so that our life-force can flow freely again to all levels of our being, bringing a sense of well-being.  When we feel afraid, or any other negative emotions, it is just an indicator that there is a kink in the life-force channel.  We don't need to be afraid of the negative emotions but instead to use them like an alarm system to notify us that something in us needs healing, changing or clearing.

Even though John's mom wanted us to work on his fear of being alone at home, John wanted to work on his fear of being without his parents in public.  I chose to honor John's wish first.  I asked him to describe what could be the worst case if he were alone without his parents in public.  He told me that he wouldn't know how to get home.  I shared with him that I would be afraid, even though I am 40 years old, if I were to be dropped off to a strange place and did not know how to get home.

Before we began the EFT process, I checked in with him regarding where in his body he felt the fear the strongest, and I asked him for the color of this fear as well as the intensity of this feeling.  He said that the fear was all over his body, the color of the fear was black and the feeling was very intense.  He held his arms way apart to show how intensely he felt this fear.  We tapped on the description of the fear:

Even though I have this intense and black-colored fear all over my body, I am an awesome kid anyway.

Even though I feel afraid to be alone in public without my parents nearby, it is normal to be worried about that when I am in an unfamiliar place.

Even though I feel anxious and worried without my parents in public because I am afraid I won't be able to get home, I am still a good kid.

After that one round of EFT, there wasn't much difference in the intensity or the color of the fear.  I then asked him whether he remembered ever feeling afraid of being lost.  He recalled three childhood incidents where he was left behind or forgotten.  We tapped on each of those events, and each time affirmed that the events, while unpleasant and scary for him, were over now and he had survived them all.

Even though these events happened, I am safe now.

Even though I was left behind by mistake, my parents still love me and care for me deeply.

Even though my parents made mistakes, and it was scary for me to be left alone and I couldn't find my parents, I am glad that they were able to make changes that make me feel safer now.

Even though I am worried I will not be able to find my parents again like when I was young, thank god for cell-phones now.  I can call them and find out where they are.  I couldn't then because I was so little, but I am older and bigger now. I can also ask help from others if I were lost.

Even though I couldn't find my dad up on the hills, I was able to ski downhill and waited for my dad to come and find me. I am a wonderful skier even when I was young. I was able to get myself safely down the hill and he found me.

Even though my dad went outside the cabin without telling me again, I know he has made important changes and learned to tell me where he is going before he goes out. That makes me feel safer because I know where they are.  I love them and I do not want to lose them.

Even though I was afraid I would not ever see them again, I am still a brave boy. I was just a kid, and still am. It is natural to feel afraid in these circumstances.

Even though I don't understand how I could be left behind again, what's wrong with these adults? Everyone knows you don't just leave children behind, I feel so mad about that. I am a good kid anyway even if I feel angry.

Even though it was scary to be alone when I was young, I choose to relax and trust that I am safe now. I am older now and even more resourceful then when I was younger.

In each of the events, we discovered that he had a wonderful sense of intuitive knowing what he needed to do to get himself reconnected with his parents.  In one of the event, we saw how the Universe enlisted the unlikely help of someone else to call his parents to fetch him.  All in all, he has been a very resourceful boy and has the ability to make good decisions even in a frightening situation.

So, we affirmed his coolness under pressure.  We affirmed his intelligence and natural ability to assess what the best action to take is when the going gets tough for him.  We clarified that he has great skill and ability within him despite his young age.  We also put in the affirmation that he has the resources he needs to get him home and reconnected with the people he loves if he is separated from them again.

By the end of the first session, John's fear has changed to the color orange and the intensity has lessened by at least 50%.  His breathing was deeper as well.

When I saw John again for a second session, I asked him what changes had he noticed since our first session.  He proudly said that he went to places where he wouldn't have gone before.  That made him feel really good.

In this session, we worked specifically on being afraid of heights, fear of snowboarding in falling snow, and being left alone in the house even if his parents were only at the neighbor's house.

Later, his mother wrote an email to me, "I think we are making some great progress!  We live on a private driveway with 4 other houses so when it's garbage day we need to take our cans down the driveway to the street.  I have never been able to retrieve them unless John goes with me or if someone else is in the house to stay with him.  Yesterday I told him I was going down to get them and he just shrugged and said OK.  Also, he told his dad he is ready to go snowboarding so they have a overnight trip planned for this Friday."

We had a third session, and this time we specifically worked on fear of going down steep hills when snowboarding as well as a remaining fear of height when John is up on the chairlift.

After this session, his mother later shared with me, "Last night, when it was dark, I had to go feed the neighbor cat and I was able to leave our front door open while I went 2 doors down the driveway.  John sat in the living room alone and showed no indication of being scared.  This is most definitely a major change and I am very pleased."

Hooray for John and EFT!

Christine Metawati