A classic fear of public speaking case - EFT changes a life

By Christine Wheeler, MA, EFTCert-I

"Martin's" fear of public speaking had been his quiet secret for years and a source of embarrassment at business meetings as he often found himself freezing when he was asked for his opinion about the matters at hand. He became very effective at evading meetings when he expected to be called upon, delegating the opportunity to one of his staff. He had already turned down a promotion because the position involved presenting reports to his board of directors. Despite becoming a master at avoiding these opportunities to speak, Martin's colleagues did not know that he had a profound fear of public speaking.

His closest friends didn't know of his fear of public speaking either. And one day, Martin was blindsided by a request from his best friend to be the best man at his upcoming wedding. He knew that part of the responsibility of this honoured position was to give a toast and since he'd been best friends with the groom since childhood, he knew that everyone had great expectations of him. The wedding was months away but Martin's fear, dread and anticipation was overwhelming; so much so that he toyed with the idea of avoiding this opportunity as well.

He even wrote a beautiful speech and practiced until he knew every word. But as soon as he practiced in front of his wife in their living room, he broke out into a cold sweat, his heart raced and he kept forgetting his words. An audience of one was even too much for him and having note cards didn't help as he lost his place constantly. And this was in his living room, in front of his wife. His anticipation of the actual wedding was off the charts and he considered that he would rather lose his lifelong friend than expose himself to an audience of people watching him intently.

Fortunately he confided in a friend who was a client of mine and Martin made several appointments with me by email. He was able to write about his "problem" in an email which he wanted me to read before the appointment because he was afraid that he couldn't even talk about it in my office. He was already feeling humiliated that this friend knew about his secret fear, and now he was sharing it with me as well.

He was so agitated (his word), I assured him that we would do this as gently as possible and we started the session by tapping on his current state, using words that he'd used to describe his current feelings and sensations:

Even though I am agitated right now because people know about my fear...
Even though I feel agitated in my stomach and am afraid of throwing up...
Even though I don't want to talk about my fear, I already emailed about it so maybe I don't have to and I deeply and completely accept myself anyway.

His level of intensity for this agitation had been at 10 on a scale of 0 to 10 and after these rounds it was at 3 out of 10. He was shocked that he felt that much calmer and I pointed out that he was already learning how to calm himself with EFT.

He said that he was really pissed off at himself and frustrated that he had this weakness. He was a successful person and avoided anything that might put him in front of an audience of more than one or two people. He hated being the center of attention that way. Since this is what came up, we tapped.

Even though I am pissed off at myself for being so weak...
Even though I am frustrated that I have this weakness, it is humiliating, but...
Even though I avoid anything where I am the center of attention...

After a few rounds, Martin's sense of frustration and being pissed off at himself had eased but he still had a 10 out of 10 charge on being the center of attention. I asked him about the last time he felt uncomfortable being the center of attention. He quickly had an event come to mind that had happened a few months previously and just having it come to mind made him agitated again. Just thinking about telling me about it brought his agitation to 10 out of 10. Using the Tell the Story Technique, we started tapping before he started to tell me.

Even though I am agitated just thinking about this story...
Even though I am afraid to freeze again if I think about this story too much...
Even though I feel weak because I have this story...

He calmed to a level of intensity of 3 out of 10 and commented that he was starting to get that EFT might be working. He hadn't told anybody this story and reported that he felt he could talk about it with minimal discomfort. I asked him to start telling the story and to stop as soon as he noticed any discomfort and we would tap.

He was at a party with friends (none of whom knew about his fear) and was talking to one friend about their fishing trip of the previous week. They were laughing about the big fish that got away from Martin and their laughter got the attention of two friends standing close by.

I saw Martin flinch a little and I stopped him and he said that the moment he realized that somebody else was listening to their laughter he started freaking out. So we tapped:

Even though I freaked when Bob and Jerry turned to look at us laughing...
Even though I freaked out when we got their attention...
Even though I froze when they turned toward us...

Martin's intensity moved from 7 out of 10 down to a 2 and he felt comfortable about continuing the story. But as soon as he considered what happened next, his level of intensity shot up again to 10 out of 10. At this point in the story, as the two friends were turning towards Martin, his fishing buddy said, "Hey Martin, tell them the story about the one that got away." Martin gasped and froze on the spot. We stopped and tapped here:

Even though my fishing buddy called them over and wrecked my fun...
Even though I froze when he called those guys over...
Even though I gasped and froze when he did that...

Martin said that the intensity was calmer but he had a memory of being a kid and his parents, who were very proud of him, encouraged him to practice playing piano while the two of them sat and listened and applauded. I find this happens quite regularly with clients when we start our session by tapping on the effect of a recent event; they spontaneously jump to a past event that they hadn't thought of in years.

I asked Martin if something unpleasant had happened while he was playing piano. He was surprised that emotions rose and he began to get teared up. We immediately tapped without a setup phrase on this surprising piano emotion. When Martin felt calmer he recounted a typical piano practice after dinner, except this time his grandparents were visiting and were in the kitchen tidying up after dinner. They didn't know about Martin's after dinner practices with his parents as an appreciative audience.

Martin was becoming more agitated as he told the story but he said he wanted to get it out and so we tapped after he finished the story. He said that he had been sitting happily playing for his parents when his grandfather stormed into the room yelling, "What is that awful noise?" Martin remembers in that moment freezing, stunned at his grandfather's attack. At this point, Martin was crying in my office so we tapped on the EFT points to calm him. Then we jumped into tapping on the parts of the event that he told me about.

Even though my grouchy grandfather yelled while I was playing and I froze...
Even though my grandfather said my playing was an awful noise...
Even though I was so scared when he yelled, it wasn't good to make him yell...
Even though my grandfather was a grouch and hated piano, it felt like he hated me...
Even though it wasn't safe to be the center of attention in case someone else can hear you...
Even though I froze when he yelled, I can thaw out now...

Martin had no idea that his current fear of public speaking could be linked to that episode. For the first time in that session, I asked about his upcoming role as best man. Martin took a moment and his eyes were shifting back and forth as if he was looking for the "problem". He said that this was the first time he didn't get a wave of sweating and a lump in his throat just thinking about it. He said he felt butterflies... and some moths in his stomach at a level of intensity of about 6 out of 10. He was shocked at the improvement and reminded me that he'd emailed me the details of the problem. We tapped on his role of best man and giving the speech in particular.

Even though I am afraid to be the center attention in 2 months at Kevin's wedding...
Even though I almost said no to being best man...
Even though I have been so embarrassed by my fear, I am feeling surprisingly different now.
Even though I am afraid that my grandfather will yell at me while I'm giving my speech... (Martin laughed at this)
Even though I am afraid to give a speech, this is my best friend...
Even though my stomach clenches at the thought of giving the speech...
Even though there are butterflies and moths in my stomach when I think of the speech...
Even though I am afraid of being caught off guard when I give my speech...
Even though I don't know what to expect when I give my speech, maybe I'll actually like doing it.
Even though I loved playing piano for my parents until my grandfather yelled, maybe I am a natural performer.

At the end of this session, Martin reported being able to think about the fishing story episode without any upset at all and in fact related the whole story to me and we both laughed. He also reported feeling very calm about his grandfather storming into the room and yelling. He was very surprised that the thought of being best man and giving a speech didn't have the same charge. It had gone from a level of intensity of 15 on a scale of 0 to 10 to about 4 out of 10 and he commented that the butterflies in his stomach might actually be excitement.

I left him with homework to practice his best man speech in front of his wife and see how he felt and that we would do another appointment before the wedding if he felt he needed to.

I got this email a week later:

...Thank you so much for that EFT session. I feel like a different person. On the way home in the car by myself, I recited the whole wedding speech without missing a beat and even thought of other things to add to the speech. Later that night I asked my wife if I could practice in front of her again but I hadn't told her that I'd done that session with you. She started to cry because she could see how I was actually enjoying myself. I know she was an audience of one but that was a huge shift for me.

Last week at work, I even attended a meeting at work that I had been planning to avoid and I felt very calm. When my boss asked me a question, I just answered as if we were alone in the room!

We agreed that he would come for an appointment before the wedding if he needed to. I knew the wedding date but didn't hear from Martin until that day had passed. He sent another email.

...The weeks leading up to the wedding were so much fun and I really enjoyed being with my friend as his best man and not being distracted by the dreaded speech. I even taught him some EFT to help him with his own speech nervousness. At the wedding itself, not only did I give a great heartfelt speech, I did so without any notes. The whole room was in tears and I even got a standing ovation. Well maybe the groom got the standing ovation but I was so happy to think it was for me! On another note, I have applied for a new position in the company that I avoided for years because of the public speaking requirement. I simply am not afraid anymore and if I do feel anxious, I know I can just tap. Thank you for your help.

Christine Wheeler