EFT for getting over the fear of giving a teleclass

By Pamela Bruner

Sasha (not her real name), is a successful personal coach. Although she was very comfortable in one-on-one sessions, she was extremely nervous at the thought of presenting to groups. However, she wanted to start giving teleclasses, and felt that getting over this fear so she could present comfortably would be better than 'toughing through it.' I agreed.

I asked if she had a particular fear of presenting to groups on the phone, or whether her fear was just groups in general. She felt that the fear was the same regardless of whether it was in-person or on the phone group work.

When I asked if she had any memory related to this fear - had she presented badly, or been laughed at by a group, even as a young child? She said that she had never had such an incident, and this didn't seem related to anything. Although I believe that there is always something that disrupts the energy, I chose to go with the event that was causing intensity - the imagined future teleclass. Also, sometimes the past event will surface while tapping.

I asked what, specifically, she was afraid of. She said 'I'm afraid that I'll make a mistake', 'afraid that I'll appear incompetent', and 'afraid that I'll look stupid.' [GC COMMENT: One possibility for finding a specific would be to ask questions like, "When in your past did you appear incompetent or look stupid?"]. She rated the fear at an '8' intensity on the 0 to 10 scale. I felt intuitively that the affirmation of the setup should be modified, so we used:

Even though I'm afraid that I'll make a mistake, and look stupid and incompetent, I'm open to deeply and completely accepting myself anyway.

Reminder phrases:
I'll make a mistake
I'm afraid I'll look stupid
What if I forget what to say?
I'll look incompetent

Note: I find that the reminder phrase 'this fear' does not seem to be as effective a way to keep my clients' attention on their issue, compared to saying aloud the thoughts that are running through their heads.

We did a complete round, using all points. Sasha reported that the fear had dropped to 6 on a scale of 0 to 10, so we did another similar round, simply modifying the setup to Even though I still have some of this fear that I'll make a mistake...

At this point, Sasha reported that the fear had dropped to 5 out of 10. I told her that 5 was a great number, where we could start playing a bit more, and said that I might use a little humor. She thought that was a great idea.

Even though the world will end if I make a mistake in my teleclass...
Even though everything hinges on this teleclass, maybe even world peace, I choose to love and accept myself anyway.

The reminder phrases were similarly silly:
I've got to do it right or the world might end. Everything depends on me being perfect. The fate of the world hinges on my perfect teleclass.

At the end, Sasha was laughing and said that the fear was now at a 2-3. I asked her if she had to guess, what was keeping the fear in place? She said that she was afraid that without the fear, she wouldn't adequately prepare for the teleclass.

She also reported at this point that something else was coming up - she was now feeling guilty that she had carried around this fear for so long, and it had kept her from doing group work and helping people in this way. She reported the emotion as 'regret and sadness' with an intensity of 6 out of 10.

Even though I have this regret and sadness because I've had this fear for so long, I choose to love, accept and forgive myself anyway.

Reminder phrases:
I should have gotten over this fear before this.
Why didn't I get over it before this?
I've been playing small.
I could have done group work before this.
I feel all this regret.
I'm sad I didn't deal with this before

(Going into a second round without stopping, we switched to:)
What if this was the perfect time for me to deal with the fear?
What if I just wasn't ready before?
What if I could trust that this is the perfect time for me to start giving teleclasses?
What if now really is the perfect time?
What if I could forgive myself?
I choose now as the perfect time to start group work.
I choose to forgive myself for my fear,
I'm doing the best I can, and that's good enough.

Sasha reported that the regret was completely gone at the end of the double round, and that the fear was still at a 2-3. An originating event had still not presented itself at this point, but we were making good progress on the fear and other related aspects, so we continued focusing on the teleclass.

I asked her what she would really like to communicate to the teleclass participants, and how she would like to feel. She said that she would like to come across as warm, confident, caring, and positive.

Even though I have to keep this remaining fear so I'll adequately prepare for the teleclass, I choose to consider that I could be warm, confident caring and positive instead.

Reminder phrases:
I have to keep the fear
I won't be prepared if I don't keep the fear This fear is making sure that I will prepare

Nearing the end of a full round, and beginning a second round, we shifted to:

What if I don't have to keep the fear?
What if I could prepare without it?
What if I could prepare from a place of caring, rather than fear?
What if I could prepare from a place of confidence, rather than fear?

We finished the second round with:
I choose to be warm, confident, caring and positive.

At the end of her session, Sasha now reported that her fear was at a 1, and was quite happy with that level. I suggested to her that it might drop on its own to a zero (hopefully setting her up to look for that if it should occur.)

I asked her to visualize giving the teleclass, from setting it up to picking up the phone, talking to people, etc. She said that she felt a little nervous about the technology, but knew that she could walk through that with the help of a friend. She had no fear about the idea of speaking to the group, and recognized that was a different aspect from her discomfort with technology.

She expressed some concern that the fear might return, and I explained that in my experience, an additional aspect might surface, such as her discomfort with technology, but that usually the fears that were dissolved remained that way.

To keep her fear from spiking from any additional aspects that might surface, and from the 'fear of the fear', I also suggested that she tap every day until the teleclass using the following setup and reminder phrases:

Even if I'm tempted to go into fear, I choose to focus on being warm, confident, caring and positive. One full round with the reminder phrase (negative): I might feel afraid One full round with the reminder phrase (positive): I choose to be warm, confident, caring and positive.

Follow-up: Sasha gave the teleclass last week. She had done no additional tapping. She reported that she was still a bit nervous when it started, but that soon dissolved as she continued. This is in contrast to previous in-person events at which she would get more nervous as she continued. She reported 'I wouldn't have even been able to do it without the EFT session - I was paralyzed with fear. Instead, I really enjoyed this teleclass, and am looking forward to giving more.'

In retrospect, I believe that she actually felt that 'a few nerves are a good thing'. This will be something else to check for in the future.

Neither one of us know where her nerves came from, and I suspect that there is still a core issue to be worked on - however, we achieved her desired result on the presenting issue.

Another success with EFT!
Warmly,
Pamela Bruner, Success Coach