Deborah Miller helps a man unravel how a childhood molestation affects his current relationship

By Deborah Miller, PhD

Gary,

Many people are confused about relationships and sexual preferences without understanding the implications of past experiences on current choices.  This case shows how a childhood experience affected a man’s belief about himself and his relationships.

Namaste,

Deborah Miller, Ph.D.

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Miguel, a 39-year-old Mexican man, didn’t know what to do in his relationship with his girlfriend. She loves him and he cares deeply for her.  It bothers him that he may be hurting her because of his uncertainty.  He feels his past is influencing him.

In addition, Miguel has problems relating to people, things go wrong, everything goes black, and no one comes close to him as if he had a black aura.  He can be very cheerful, but gets depressed. He went to neurotics anonymous without success.

His past includes a divorced mother who remarried when he was 5.  He was sent to live with his grandparents on their farm after his mother remarried because his stepfather didn’t want the previous five children around.  His mother had 3 more children after remarrying.  He felt rejected from the time he was sent to live with his grandparents.

He never felt welcome at his grandparents’ because his cousins treated him as if he was the “bad one.”  His grandparents basically used him as “help,” sending him out to the fields to take care of the cows.  When Miguel was 7-8 years old the teenage boy in charge of the cows sexually violated him.  (He had kept this secret until we worked together with EFT).  After that experience he felt he never had a choice (meaning sexually and in life decisions).

We tapped on the following childhood traumas:

• His mother leaving him with his grandparents when he was so young.
• Being rejected by her and the new stepfather as well as his biological father.
• Feeling lonely, missing his mother intensely, sadness, self-blame, and fear.
• His grandparents not taking good care of him; he was just another mouth to feed.
• Guilt, being there but without rights, the hurt.
• Feeling marked for life because of his childhood experiences, the sexual abuse.
• He is black; he’s not innocent

We tapped on it not being his fault, not being the black one, freeing up the mark on him, being clean, lifting the weight of this trauma, feeling at peace, and recovering his life.

The sexual abuse occurred during the day in the fields while taking care of his grandfather’s cows. The young man was about age 15-16.  They were alone that day. It was about 11 or 12 in the morning.  The young man started by playing a game that ended up being sexual abuse.  Miguel felt dirty so he hid this event from everyone.

There were many occasions with the young man and also with this man’s friends.  These events haunted him his whole life.  He’s tried to forget them but they keep returning.  Miguel felt fearful, especially during the day. Back then, he only wanted to leave his grandfather’s place, but couldn’t. He felt he lost something, something important, but he didn’t know what. We tapped on:

• Forgetting something, losing something when he was 7-8 years old, but he didn’t know what.
• Losing something that day in the field.  Losing his innocence.  It was his and the young man didn’t have the right to steal it from him.
• Even though it happened over and over again, it doesn’t mean he is a bad.  He was a child.  He is innocent.  He is free.  He can fly.  No one can pull him to the ground.
• His power is within him.  He is free of guilt, sadness, anger and frustration.
• Forgiveness for himself, the young man, it began as a game and because of his innocence he didn’t understand what was happening.
• He was just a child.  It wasn’t his fault.  It was the young man’s fault.  He didn’t get to choose.  
• He is still innocent.  He can heal himself.  He can choose to be healthy and free.

Miguel recognized it wasn’t his fault and that the young man hadn’t made good decisions.  He felt sad that he had been marked for life by the sexual abuse.  The young man stole his innocence. We tapped on the girlfriend issues:

• The tenderness he feels for her; he cares but doesn’t love her.
• Wanting to respond to her in the way she deserves but doesn’t “feel” it.
• She wants to marry him.  He doesn’t want to hurt her.
• Thoughts that he may be gay because of his childhood experience.
• Feeling embarrassed, marked, and rejected.

Miguel lost friends in Mexico and the US because of the anger, aggression, intolerance, and feeling of guilt he had because he had been marked for life.  He felt no one wanted to get close to him because they could see his black aura, the stain from his past. We tapped on:

• His aura changing from black to grey to white.
• Released his need to think of himself as bad, as marked, and that he was clean, innocent, filled with light.
• We worked with his inner child, giving him hugs, acceptance and love.
• Finding his innocence

Now that Miguel is free of feeling stained, marked for life and has recovered his innocence, he is moving forward in life.  The last time we spoke he was content and happy with himself.  He was enjoying the shift in his friendships and the relationship with his girlfriend.  He knows that he is improving step by step and will come to a conclusion of whether to stay with his girlfriend based on his own feelings not those of the past.

Deborah Miller, PhD