Successfully handling childhood molestation--a classy case by Nancy Morris

By  Nancy A. Morris, EFT-ADV

This is a 70 minute session with a client who was feeling ambivalent and confused about relationships.  Carole is a very beautiful and accomplished woman who is 50 years old.  Independent, successful, kind, has lots of friends, several partners over the years but none that lasted.  She admitted that she did not “like” many of her partners and that she felt she had an issue with surrendering to the relationships.

After talking about her situation, I set up an Ultimate Truth Statement that Lindsay Kenny suggests using with goal-oriented issues:  “I completely believe I can have a wonderful relationship that will last forever.”  I asked her to say it and evaluate how true it was.  Carole said this felt impossible.

I knew we were a long way from a core issue but tapped on the KC point while having her say Even though it’s impossible for me to have a wonderful relationship…  As we did this I could see her sadness come up.  I asked for more information and she said she had mixed wires about relationships.

"Well", she said, “my father would romance me.”  Your father romanced you… and?  “And then he would use me.”  Her level of intensity was a 10 out of 10.

I held her hand and tapped on the KC point saying, Even though my dad romanced me and then used me I deeply and completely accept myself.  I wondered if this affirmation was true, and she said no, she did not accept herself, so we changed to I want to accept myself anyway.  After tapping a few rounds in this manner just to take the edge off I asked Carole for a specific incident.

She identified one and made a short movie.  I asked her to begin telling me the story and stop as soon as she felt intensity of any kind.  She began, “I’m 8 years old, in bed, and the door opens a crack and my dad is there in his pajamas and robe, he comes into my room and he has a treat (something to eat) for me.  He sits on the edge of the bed as I enjoy the sweet, and then he reaches out to touch my hair…”

Her level of intensity on this was 9 on a scale of 0 to 10.  I tapped on the KC point, Even though he reached out and touched my hair…  We tapped it down to 7 out of 10.  Then she reported a yucky feeling in her tummy and a pressure-like feeling in her chest.  We tapped directly on the yucky feeling and pressure and included some light tapping on these physical areas. 

The feeling moved up to her throat which she described as that feeling you get just before you’re going to vomit.  I had us stand up together and did some marching in place with alternating arm and leg swings to get some energy moving.  Now the feeling in her throat was a 10 and she reported feeling like she wanted to “get it out”.

At this point I did a long rambling set up (as we stood together) that went like this Even though my dad reached out to touch me and I was only 8 years old and it didn’t feel good, but I didn’t know what to do, I wanted his affection, all kids need love and attention, I didn’t know what to do. At this point Carole said, “I wanted to say no.”

I tapped the KC point while saying, Even though I wanted to say NO, I accept myself even though I didn’t.  Then as I started tapping the points the reminder phrases NO and STOP IT were used and then Carole added LEAVE ME ALONE … GO AWAY.  I started saying them louder and encouraged Carole to say them louder.  Then I said we were going to shout. She has a soft and sweet voice and I knew this would be difficult for her so I strengthened and deepened my voice to model it for her while continuing to tap away.

I continued to up the volume and urged Carole to shout along with me while I purposely got red in the face and put a lot of energy into the STOP and GO AWAY and LEAVE ME ALONE.  After quite a few rounds of this Carole said all the yucky feeling in her chest and throat were gone.  We sat down again and I asked her to replay her movie.  As she did, she said she felt confused as a child; that she wanted affection but not like this (what he did to her).

We worked on this new aspect, Even though I wanted affection from my Dad…  Many rounds of tapping on this while using these reminder phrases:  I was a child, I needed my parent’s love and attention, I was just a little girl, I needed his love, what else could I have done, it felt good when he paid attention to me.  As this went down in intensity Carole again changed aspects, this time to “I’m not sure this really happened.  Maybe I just made it up to get attention.”

I asked, what she thought.  Carole said her Dad had apologized for his behavior before he died and that her Mom had recently talked to her about it and apologized also for not doing something to protect her.  But she still brought up her own doubt about whether it happened, so we set it up Even though I’m not sure this really happened, maybe I just made it up, even if that’s true…

I tapped one round on her of I made it up, then switched to Maybe it did happen … Dad apologized … Mom confirmed it happened and apologized too … Maybe it didn’t happen … It did … It did not … Not sure … Sure it did … Maybe I made it up … It doesn’t matter, it’s been affecting me long enough.  She laughed at this point.

We went back to her movie.  As she ran the movie she brought up yet another aspect, she said, "There’s confusion … I did want a lover, I had feelings inside, I think my hormones were already moving.”  So we worked on this new aspect: Even though I did want a lover and I had feelings … I was 8 years old … I felt confused … I needed love and affection.

When I asked Carole to run her movie again, this time she included the fact that she could feel wet on her lips and his breath on her face.  This gave her a yucky feeling in her stomach.  We addressed this new aspect with, Even though my Dad gave me a wet kiss and I could feel his breath on my face… 

I tapped a few rounds on “wet kiss” and “his breath on my face”.  Then we continued tapping: I wanted my Dad to hold me and kiss me, as a Dad, a peck on the cheek.  Then back to (her words) Yucky wet kiss … Icky wet lips.  This was easily tapped down to a level of intensity of 0 out of 10.

I asked Carole to play the movie again out loud from the beginning (we’d started at the very beginning every time I’d asked her to review the event).  She related the entire story in detail and said she felt like she was watching it.  She said that she knew it had happened but she didn’t feel that she was In It any more.  It was the end of our time and I told her that now that her intensity was down we would do a little procedure to ensure it stayed with her.  We did the 9 gamut and I explained that this informed her left and right hemispheres of this new state of mind.  Carole was thrilled with being free of the emotional intensity regarding this event.

Things to note:  Even though all the aspects never had a chance to get down all the way in intensity (as she kept bringing up new aspects), it seemed important to follow her lead during this session because she is timid about talking about the details of this abuse.  I just stayed with her pace through it all.  This was our first EFT session together but trust had been developed over a long period before that.

Carole left very enthused.  She could see that her confusion and ambivalence around her relationships were the effect of her belief that if a man romances her, he will end up using her.  No wonder she doesn’t want to surrender to being in a relationship.

Follow-up conversation one day later:  Carole wants to do more sessions to remove more “legs” from under her relationship “table”.  She especially wants to work on the aspect of “I want it/ I don’t want it” or, as it translates to relationship: “Come here/ Go away”.

I love EFT.  Thank you Gary. 

Nancy Morris