Knocking down the negative walls to let the garden grow - a tale of fertility

By Christina Elvin

I am a Meridian & Energy Therapies trainer and practitioner and use EFT daily both personally and in business, finding it combines extremely well with many of the other techniques and therapies I use in my busy practice.

My client, we'll call her Mary, had just turned 34yrs old in February , and came to see me in mid-March . She'd seen my name on the notice board at the local private fertility clinic - (18months previously I'd given a talk on 'EFT and fertility' to a group of wannabe-mums). Mary was down at the clinic thinking about her second round of fertility treatment and wondering if she was ready to have another go at it.

Her story is that it was when Mary was almost 34yrs old, they'd been married almost 2 years and still no signs of a baby. The first fertility session, in November, had been successful for about 7days and then she and her husband had been absolutely devastated when she miscarried. They both felt they needed time to psychologically and emotionally build themselves back up before considering the treatment again.

Mary's decision to come to see me was "well, what have I got to lose? I can always take up the second fertility treatment if this doesn't work". So they contacted me - and hubby came as well - moral support for Mary.

In my therapy business practice I always offer a Free Initial Consultation that takes between 30-45minutes. This is an opportunity not only to give potential clients the chance to meet me (if face-to-face) and talk to me, it's also (as I tell them) for me to meet and talk to them too - for this is a two-way partnership. At this consultation I explored with Mary how she felt about her fertility, about her life as it is now and of course her life as it was BEFORE getting married. This was where several comments and phrases she used 'stood out like a sore thumb' to me and I recognized them as her current life's negative self-beliefs, the 'writings on her walls'.

Now albeit these current beliefs are negative now and are self-imposed, WHEN they were placed there at THAT time in her life they were positive beliefs (which to me goes to show how the same belief can do a 180degree flip).

Mary's story at the free initial consultation was: At 20 she had started a small business with her mother. It became so successful that they sold it when she was 30 for a very nice profit - so here was a happy, successful young business-woman. And during this successful period in her life she had:

(1) enjoyed the single life to its fullest - going out night-clubbing every Friday evening, having 'girlie' nights in and out, popping off for weekend breaks to far and distant places, could 'slob' around her home in comfy clothes that she liked, eat how and when she wanted and didn't have to be overly-concerned about other people in her life - except her loving parents, her horse and her dog;

(2) ridden her horse every day (riding her horse had been part of her life since she was very young) - her regime was waking up early and riding for a good hour or so before going in to work, and if she woke up late, then no worry as she still rode her horse and went in to work later. And she often went back in the evening during the week to ride him again and put him away for the night in the stables and she would take her lovely pet dog with her when she rode;

(3) owned her own home - which she could have decorated exactly how she wished, change it as often as she wished, and not worry about other people's tastes, she had a cleaner to make things even easier for herself (not many 20-somethings had cleaners!) plus she had a nice car - which was a very nice sports car she could change whenever she wanted;

(4) enjoyed having plenty of money to spend on clothes, going out, buying presents for people (she was a very generous and a very popular person) and going on holidays -business was good and mother being her partner really didn't mind if Mary went away a few more times than the norm;

(5) really, really enjoyed her single life-style, so much so that she kept telling herself just that "what a wonderful fulfilling life she had, everything she could wish for". She didn't want to spoil this idyllic lifestyle by getting involved with a man and having to change her habits, share everything (house, furniture, car, time) that she had enjoyed and accumulated over the years, have to tolerate someone else's habits and behaviors, limit her social life, get married and start a family - no this was not for her. Mary enjoyed her life just as it was!

Shortly after Mary's 30th birthday she and her mum sold their successful business, Mary got a full-time job as Accounts Manager in a local family-run company. She fell hook, line and sinker for the boss's son, and by the time she was 32 she was married and they started trying for a baby straight away.

Since getting married she'd sold her own house and her sports car but kept the horse and dog; he'd sold his house and together they bought a bigger property to renovate to make it their 'dream house' - renovating it whilst they were living in it! And the renovation was taking its toll on them! It had taken all their combined monies so far, and their tempers were fraying as things were moving rather slowly (because both of them worked full-time too) and everything was always in a rather untidy mess and Mary couldn't get pregnant - the complete opposite of Mary's life in the previous 10 years or so!

So here was Mary, with me now. And at then end of the initial consultation I suggested we use hypnotherapy and EFT. Hypnotherapy because there was a fair deal of tension and stress going on here due to the renovation and fertility situation and the EFT to knock down those negative beliefs.

Mary came to see me a week after the initial consultation and we started with the 'hypnotherapy garden' - weeding and preparing the ground, ready for the new seeds to be planted - she was extremely receptive to this and her descriptions of 'her garden' were wonderful. She described wonderfully colored flowers, growing by the day. I make hypnotherapy recordings - which include a tailored relaxation - and the client listens to this recording before going to sleep at night.

When she came back for her next session - 2 weeks later she appeared less stressed and more relaxed looking. Her 'garden' was blooming still. So for this session we concentrated solidly on EFT and we focused on some of her long-held beliefs, numbers (1) - (5) above.

Looking at her case history the phrases we came up with were:

(1) Even though I have enjoyed the single life and now I'm preparing to enjoy my family life I accept myself; (

2) Even though I'm sad I can't manage to ride my horse everyday I have time aplenty for both my horse and my husband and I accept myself;

(3) Even though my house isn't my own anymore and I don't have the luxuries I used to have I love being with my husband and working on our 'dream house' together and I accept myself;

(4) Even though money is tighter than before I prefer to stay at home with my husband and build our lives together and I accept myself;

(5) Even though I enjoyed having everything I wanted back then I can have everything I want now and I accept myself.

So during her first EFT session I showed Mary the full EFT package, the Setup, the Sequence, the 9 Gamut Point Procedure and the Sequence again. And she took laminated handouts home with her to continue working on her 'Own -work' at home in between sessions.

After Mary felt comfortable with this, we then started on Mary's negative self beliefs - numbers (1) - (5) (which I felt at the initial consultation were just screaming out to be dissolved by EFT). And whilst these were positive beliefs and relevant for her at THAT time in her life - they now were redundant. And this is where the negative walls had been built for her in her current life.

After we had talked about her beliefs (1) to (5), Mary remembered something that she'd been saying to herself from the time she got married; and it was belief number (6) - "If I reach 35 and don't have a baby by then - I'll NEVER get pregnant". THIS was a biggie - and just how often do they stay in the background and then just pop up seemingly out of nowhere?

Negative belief number (6) whilst being a fairly recent belief - only having been in place for just over 2 years -was a really strong belief all the same. We went through knocking the first 3 of those negative walls down - walls which Mary now saw as "surrounding her garden, stopping people from seeing her beautiful garden - and she wanted everyone to see her garden and how well it was growing".

She continued her 'Own Work' on the remaining negative self beliefs - and others which came up too - after this session. She also found that she and her husband were tackling the renovations easier - not feeling as tired or getting as irritated with each other as they previously had been. He was watching her when she was tapping.

By the time of the third session - which was two weeks later - at the end of April, Mary had some news for me, in fact she still seemed shell-shocked by this news - which they both were keeping quiet about and not telling anyone else. Her period was 10days late and both her and her husband had been putting off doing a home pregnancy test - in case it was negative - the longer before they tested the stronger the results would be was their hope. They'd used the pregnancy test that morning and it was positive! They were over the moon yet at the same time cautious in case ....

At this session and the fourth we worked on things that needed to change to accommodate her pregnancy - I call it 'futuring' work - where we look at "what ifs". This was so that she could look after herself better in her pregnancy - things such as her regular horse rides came up, so did her helping with the renovations, and also her tiredness and frustration at the house being permanently 'dusty' and her 'bathroom' still not having a door on it yet. Whilst each of these items might not seem 'big' issues to many people, they were a source of irritation to Mary and so she simply EFT'd them away.

Mary said at the fourth session that if her pregnancy test had been negative, if she hadn't been pregnant by the end of April, they'd decided this was the deadline for going back for their 2nd fertility treatment - which they were not looking forward to.

I kept in touch with Mary's pregnancy via her mother (who was later a client of mine regarding her future business plans) and in January there was an announcement in the local paper and also a wonderful picture card sent to me - of the new male addition to the family - and Mary still had 3 weeks before her 35th birthday!

By using the powerful combination of hypnotherapy to 'prepare the ground' and EFT to 'knock down those negative walls' I believe Mary had a wonderful opportunity to grow her garden, which she did. This to me shows how easily EFT can be integrated with, and work alongside other modalities. In effect Mary (and her husband) were given a double helping hand - and all three of them came out winners.

Christina Elvin