EFT and self image

LETTER: "About five weeks ago, when I was first introduced to EFT, a sweet lady (39) called me up to ask me if I could help her with her low self-esteem. She told me that she was very pretty (which she is) and that because of that, people had certain expectations of her that she would "have it all together," be very dynamic, and sure of herself among other attributes she did not feel that she had.

She had no life outside of work. She did not have any friends or boyfriends. She was extremely mistrustful of people. She did not go out very often, and when she did she felt insecure and self-conscious. She was truly despondent. And although I know nothing about Voice Technology, I would have had to say, by listening to her, that she was at the end of her rope.

She told me she had been through a lot of therapists who had given her cognitive cures (told her to fake it 'til she made it) and certain ways to think so as to modify her outlook. But she never did any of it, nor did she ever get any relief.

Her background is that she comes from a family of Jehovah's Witnesses and her family would not let her be friends with anybody outside the faith. So she had no friends as a child. She was mommy's little buddy growing up, and felt a responsibility for keeping her mom happy (and not displeasing her). She had a couple of rough experiences with men disappointing her and cheating on her.

When I initially spoke to her, I told her about EFT. I was a newbie (although I had taken Level 1 TFT). I did not hide the fact that EFT was new to me. She was still open.

Well, her willingness to "chop down her trees of disappointment, negativity, and sadness from her past" was great. Why she was willing to do EFT (and nothing else her traditional therapists told her) is interesting to me. Maybe it was the fact that when we were in our first session, she had an "aha!" plus I challenged her and asked her pointblank whether she was going to commit to working at it or not! and I told her she had to "do it!" religiously in order to make the changes that she wanted to make - and was she willing to do that? (I can be very forceful). Apparently she was. She wrote down her list, and daily (several times a day) she did EFT to "chop down her trees."

This girl has done a One-Eighty! She is dating a few guys (and has a very healthy attitude about it). Plus people are wanting to set her up with all of their male friends. She has even asked her next door neighbor out for a beer (a guy!). She has never done that. She is now open to making friends. She said that there are a couple of gals in her office that want to be her friend. She has noticed that when you change, and begin to feel better about yourself, people are drawn to you (this is something she said to me). She went out with some friends the other night, and danced with abandon. She is volunteering to do marketing for a group that builds homes for the underprivileged. And boy oh boy, this girl is happy!!!! The girl is truly happy. She feels lovable and carefree, and joyous about life. And there is no Apex Effect here, either. She says openly that if it weren't for me and EFT she would never come as far as she has. And boy, has she come far! Interestingly enough, she also is not just numb to her sadness. When I hug her, tears come to her eyes. She is very emotional and grateful about the changes she has made.

All in only FIVE WEEKS!!!!"

Stephanie Rothman

LORI'S LETTER: "My experience with EFT has been so life-changing, and so life-affirming, that on occasion it is difficult to believe that the person I was 8 weeks ago has blossomed into the happy, resourceful, content woman I am now. When people began to respond positively to me, I knew that what I thought had happened, had actually happened, that is, that I had removed the many, many blocks that had held me back for so long and had really begun to live a great life.

All my life I had felt a certain melancholy, depression, and anxiety. One therapist that I went to for four years put a name on "my condition"- she called it dysthymia. So at least I understood what was wrong with me. And - I learned that I was not alone in the world. That helped a little bit. She and another therapist that I saw for talk-therapy repeatedly told me that I had to "fake it till I made it," or to "act as if," but I never felt any relief from doing these things and in short order, gave up on doing them. All the self-help books in the world (at least 100) did me no good, either. I was at the end of my rope.

In late-June, 1997, I arranged an appointment with Stephanie Rothman to explore treatment for depression and feelings of hopelessness. When I first spoke to Stephanie on the phone, I remember quite clearly telling her I could not go on the way I was feeling - that I had to do something. Stephanie told me she had a technique to help remove the negative thoughts that were causing me such pain. At my appointment, she taught me the [EFT] Basic Recipe and we tapped together for one particularly negative emotion. I went from a ten to about a three or a four, and felt great relief, and not a little amazement, at the ease of the technique and its effectiveness.

Starting with a list of seven negative emotions, I tapped at every opportunity, but at least three times a day: morning, noon and night. I could not remember a time when I did not feel socially and interpersonally inept, on the outside looking in, unattractive, or feeling just plain boring. Any slight, for whatever reason, was proof-positive that I was unlovable. For years I had been told I was attractive - something I personally could not see. I suffered from generalized anxiety over almost any social situation. I tapped away at these negative emotions on schedule, and also whenever I actually experienced them. At times, when I tapped away a particularly large "tree," another one would pop up. So, as Gary Craig says: "persistence, persistence." I tapped away at the new "trees" also, and just as faithfully.

I will be 40 years old this year and am having the time of my life. I have several new friends, and am dating two wonderful men. My relationships within my family have improved greatly. I am very thankful to no longer be plagued by anxiety, worry, fear of social situations and just plain feeling lousy. EFT has brought out my best by removing my worst negative emotions. There is nothing in my life that has worked for me like EFT. I will use it and rely on it for the rest of my (wonderful!) life."

Lori