Understanding emotional issues in theory is quite helpful with EFT, but using that understanding in practice will get you much farther. Here are some approaches and common phrases that I have used regularly in my sessions over the years.
Bouncing Off of Deeper Issues
One of my most helpful mindsets in delivering EFT is that we are never done. Sure, we may rapidly eradicate a phobia and a Specific Event or so, and that may seem like we are finished. But, in reality, the Writing on our Walls is endless and there are almost always deeper issues involved. Accordingly higher quality work begs to be performed. .
I have worked with many war veterans, for example, who suffer from severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and often find that the intensity of their war memories is related to their childhood issues. Interestingly, I can interview two war veterans who witnessed the same atrocity and find the intensity of their responses to be widely different. One may be mildly uncomfortable about discussing it while the other sweats and has nightmares on the mere thought of it. The difference usually points to deeper childhood issues. It's as if their current responses to the war atrocity are exaggerated because they are bouncing off of previous traumas or beliefs.
Here is a video example with John, a war veteran whose war experience was made far more intense because it bounced off of a major childhood responsibility issue.
With experience, you will find these deeper issues with great frequency. A big clue that your client is bouncing off of something deeper arises (1) when an issue won't budge, even with EFT, or (2) the result appears temporary because it keeps coming back.
Every Emotional State is an Inside Job
It's Not What Happens to You, It's Your Response That Counts
These twin mindsets allow us to get consistently deeper into those Table Tops and Table Legs that are linked to the Writings on their Walls. They often cut through the debris of an issue and propel us toward the heart of the matter quickly.
It is tempting to blame others, or outside circumstances, for our emotional states but, in reality, the true blame lies within. If we are harboring anger, guilt or fear, for example, it may seem like someone or something outside us is causing it but, in reality, these emotional states are internally generated ... they are "inside jobs." Thus if two people see a snake, one may be calm about it while the other has a phobic response. It isn't the snake that caused these emotional states, it's the inside job of the people involved.
So, with this mindset, we can avoid the mistake of aiming EFT at the presumed outside cause and zero right in on the true villain within. This saves loads of time and amplifies our efficiency greatly.
The other half of this twin mindset says, "it's not what happens to you, it's your response that counts." This is, essentially, the same thing. It's just another way to approach it verbally and thus better cement the concept within our clients. This will move your sessions along much more rapidly.
To illustrate, the video below shows this idea in action.
Is It Logical?
Clients frequently bring up beliefs. These, of course, are reflections from the Writings on their Walls and influence mightily how they see the world. Some of these beliefs are useful while others are illogical and move clients in unhealthy directions. These can thwart your sessions and put a cork in your clients' freedom bottle.
A female rape victim, for example, may state a belief that "all men are beasts." While this may be how she sees things, the belief is quite broad in nature and, logically, is false. While a small percentage of men may be rapists or "beasts," the vast majority are not and thus holding this belief colors her entire social and romantic life. It erodes her ability to trust and burdens her with unnecessary fear and anger.
Handling this is often simple. We need to distinguish for the client whether this belief is logically true or just an emotional response. To get there I typically just ask a question like, "Is that logical?" I may need to expand on this by adding something like, "Are ALL men really beasts, or is that just your emotional response? With great regularity, the client will immediately see the fallacy in her belief and this "Aha" moment then allows you to turn the corner in your session.
Sometimes it is helpful to add some cement to this "Aha" by using some global EFT rounds such as, "Even though I have erroneously thought that ALL men beasts...." While I have done this on occasion, it is usually unnecessary.
Below is a video that illustrates this "Is it Logical" in actual sessions.
On rare occasions, clients consider their limiting beliefs to be logical. If so, this is likely a major issue and full sessions may be necessary to achieve proper perspective. Please be careful in this circumstance that you do not impose your beliefs on top of theirs.
The Many Doors to Our Clients' Issues
(You never know where you will end up)
As you listen to your clients, you will discover the many alternative doors you can enter for bringing relief via EFT. A client burdened with childhood abuse, for example, can often supply you with a long list of Specific Event doors. That same client may also suffer from physical discomforts (headaches, back pain, etc.), as well as anger, guilt and fear issues. These too are useful doors for entry into a session and arise, of course, from the Writing on their Walls.
So where do you start? Sometimes I let my intuition guide me but, in most cases, I just go in the first door that seems feasible. With EFT, that is a very reasonable approach because you can go through a door, spend a few minutes tapping, and know in short order if you are making adequate progress. If not, you can back out and go in another door. In this manner you can efficiently work your way towards the most effective approaches.
As you proceed through your EFT sessions, your clients issues will fade and new doors will open for you. As result, your clients will lead you on a fascinating journey towards destinations that are often unexpected by either of you. Thus, you never know where you will end up. However, your ability to go in out of doors will give you a unique flexibility for bringing relief to your clients beyond their imaginations.
The nimbleness involved in going in and out of doors is best displayed in the many full sessions contained in the Art of Delivery videos. You should also find useful the following 3 video discussions.
Giving Up the Need to be Right
According to the Writing on our Walls, one person’s truth is not necessarily someone else’s. That means…
…there is no “one real truth.”
At least not in this world. This negates the idea that anyone can be “right” or “wrong” about anything, and suggests instead that there are lots of other perspectives to choose from. For deeper reflection, you might ask yourself if your own “truth” has ever really been challenged by another “truth” … consider politics, relationships, parenting, and all the situations in which opinions are passionate.
Start to notice how people protect their own “truths” from being invalidated? What is the self-talk? How can you truly accept an opposing viewpoint without invalidating your own? Have you noticed how one person can assume that another’s intelligence or sanity is compromised simply because they don’t agree? We all do it.
In these situations, the Writing on our Walls would say that each side is “right” from their own viewpoint, and nobody is “right” overall. Further, while we all agree that parents should not abuse their children, no one should rape anyone else, and the world would be better if people stopped lying, cheating and stealing, “being right” about it is not usually the road to peace.
One of the secrets to personal peace is giving up the need to be right, and a solid understanding of the Writing on our Walls is a great way to get there. As an EFT Practitioner, completely adopting this attitude can afford you a higher level of compassion for your client’s experience, and help you see a multitude of new options for progress.
The trick, of course, is stepping outside the Writing on your own Walls.
Erasing and Replacing the Writing on our Walls
As long as we have Writing on our Walls that creates a limit in our lives, it is very hard to overcome. Any direct attempt to install new, productive beliefs is met with strong objection in the form of Tail Enders. However, with EFT, we can “erase” that limiting Writing from the Walls and leave an open space so that the client can "replace" it with something more useful.
Do you remember my previous example of the natives and the coke bottle from the move, "The Gods Must be Crazy?" Do you remember how they had an "empty space" on the Writing on their Walls regarding this strange coke bottle object? Once that space is empty, or erased, the natives (and you) can fill in that blank, or replace it in a whole new way. By now, you have probably seen how cognitive shifts can spontaneously take place after a good tapping session. Hopefully, you can now see that a cognitive shift is evidence that the negative writing has been erased and the client has voluntarily replaced it with a new perspective.
From Tail Enders to Testing
When using "Say This…" as a testing method in your sessions, you are checking to see if that Writing is still on their Walls. For example, let’s say one of the aspects you discovered when addressing a Specific Event was that your client felt angry with a spouse. Your "Say This…" test would be something like “I’m angry with her.” If it no longer feels true, the Writing may be gone.
However, you can improve that test by designing it to explore the opposite of anger. Ask your client to say “I forgive her” and you might find new intensity as Tail Enders emerge in objection.
USING YOUR ART OF DELIVERY VIDEOS
As you saw in the first video clip above, John’s war experience is clearly related to childhood issues. This is the complete session with John that will demonstrate how we help him see that connection and how we use it in our approach to address his PTSD. This session also includes many quality examples of testing AND it shows advanced mixing & matching of several EFT concepts to bring relief to a very intense event.
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