The Palace of Possibilities

Using EFT to achieve one's potential

In this Section 1...

• The Palace of Possibilities 1--Introduction
• The Palace of Possibilities 2--The writing on our walls
• The Palace of Possibilities 3--My consistent thoughts become my reality
• The Palace of Possibilities 4--Affirmations are the sleepers...
• The Palace of Possibilities 4a--Responses regarding affirmations

The Palace of Possibilities 1--Introduction

I've been itching to write this series for quite awhile. To me, it is an adventure.

And what more exciting adventure could there be than to pursue our possibilities? What greater insight could we (and our clients) have than to realize that the walls that seem to limit us are made of cellophane? For the most part our "limits" are mental fictions. We are, indeed, a few mental shifts away from truly enjoying The Palace of Possibilities in which we live. But then, you already know that, don't you?

This series is a dream of mine. It has been years in the making and I am convinced that, finally, I have an audience (you) that is ready to hear it and is able to put it to use. I feel like an artist who has known for years what he wants to paint and is now ready to apply his brush to the canvas. He knows what he wants to say and his remaining task is to portray it to others. The quality of his painting will reflect the love and compassion he has for both the subject matter and his viewer.

That's what writing this series will be like for me. The only difference is that my paintbrush is a keyboard and the colors & hues are words & metaphors. What a thrill. I can't wait to see what I'm going to write.

I will be sharing my many years of experience in the field of human potential (since 1953--my age 13) and will offer ideas and insights into how we can expand our personal and professional lives. I've been blessed with many talented teachers over the years. This is my chance to put their wisdom together. More recently, some of you have been my teachers. You may see your reflections here as this series unfolds.

EFT, while groundbreaking to me, is but one of many tools I have accumulated. It has been pervasive in my recent pursuits and has been integrated with all that I have developed in the past. You will see that. Innovative ways to integrate EFT with many established cognitive tools will surface in this series. To my knowledge, this will be a first. If previous authors of "you are what you think" books were privileged to have EFT at their disposal, they would have completely rewritten their messages. This series will serve that purpose. It will be a major rewrite of the classic books on this subject.

I think this "book" will be exciting and will take the field of psychotherapy to a new level. Up until now, many psychotherapists have limited their function to lifting people out of their emotional dungeons. This is a vital service, of course, but stops waaaay short of its true potential. Once out of the dungeon, the clients are now free to roam within their personal Palace of Possibilities. This, unfortunately, is where therapist and client tend to part ways. It is where therapy ends and Personal Performance Coaching begins. Our clients have incredible potential and who is better qualified to escort them throughout their Palace of Possibilities than you? Why stop when the client's "dungeon issues" have been fixed? Why turn them loose when you can be a long term advisor and help them expand their financial abundance, enrich their relationships and pursue their possibilities?

And you know what? As you teach your clients about their Palace of Possibilities, you will be teaching yourself about yours. This is a natural function of the teaching process and will serve to launch you beyond your "limits." In the process you will, of course, run the very real risk of being a glowing example of what you are teaching. There is nothing more exciting than turning your possibilities into personal realities.

My aim here is to develop procedures that all of us can use. While these ideas are useful to you and me, my ultimate aim is to have them "Touch the World" and affect the lives of our clients. Through you, I'm hoping they will bring a new level of healing and joy to a world that so clearly needs it.

This has been an introduction. The next two installments, Parts 2 & 3, will help us lay the foundation. After that we will dive right into the "how to's."

Love, Gary

P.S. Please email me your inputs & questions as this series develops. I would love to hear your responses like...

"Yes, but....."

"What if....?"

"How would you.....?"

"What about the situation where....?"

I consider this very healthy. I want your questions. I want your challenges. In a way, this series will be like a book written within an interactive environment (an email forum). Very few authors have the privilege of hearing their readers' feedback as they write down their ideas. This is an awesome opportunity. It gives me a chance to be accurate and complete. It allows me to adjust what I'm saying to match the questions/needs of the readers. We have a unique opportunity to grow together here so, please, let's use it. Let me hear from you along the way.

The Palace of Possibilities 2--The writing on our walls

Note: In this second installment we develop the "Palace" metaphor and establish some fundamentals.

We live in a Palace of Possibilities.

It is an ever expanding structure and is filled with awesome rooms and annexes that are loaded with achievements and joy. These rooms are open to everyone, although most of us only visit a few of them. It's not that we are barred from any of the rooms. No indeed!! They are our birthright. Rather, it's that we choose to dwell only in those rooms within which we are comfortable. Somehow, we don't "belong" in those other, more expansive rooms. They are for others. They are for richer people and more privileged people and people with more talent than us. We stay within the familiar (our comfort zones) and don't venture beyond the walls (limits) of the rooms we have chosen. Why? Because our cans and can'ts are written on those walls and we obey those dictates as though they were real. Our incomes reflect those limits. So does our self image. In fact, there is scarcely any part of our makeup that is not affected by what's written on those walls.

The words on our walls are metaphors for our self talk, of course. They represent the attitudes, opinions & beliefs that we have accumulated over the years. Many of them are hand-me-downs from our parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches, religion, peers, books, TV and an endless list of other "authorities" in our lives. Upon inspection (which we will do in this series) many of them are laughable. Nonetheless, they still seem to have a hold on our progress.

We all have different words on our walls. That's why we appear to have different limits. Your limits are different from mine because the "truths" written on your walls are different from the "truths" written on mine. However, they are not really "truths" at all. They are just the guidelines we have adopted for getting through life--AND--many of them are fictions. They are hand-me-down beliefs that were written on our walls by others and we have been dutifully obeying them ever since. This need not be.

This brings me to a foundational concept upon which The Palace of Possibilities is built. It is of critical importance and underlies just about every idea we are going to explore in this series. It should be tattooed on the insides of our eyelids so that we see it every time we blink. Its truth is undeniable, yet it is so subtle that we tend to ignore it. Here it is:

"We constantly consult the writing on our walls."

That writing is our most prominent advisor and we consult it all day long. And why not? It represents every experience we have ever had. It contains all of our "how to's". It contains our cans & can'ts as well as our shoulds & should nots. It contains our musts & must nots as well as our sense of fair play. It contains our version of proper behavior as well as what is right or wrong in this world. It contains our judgments, our successes and our failures. It's all there--everything we hold to be true--written on our walls.

For example, we eat soup with a spoon instead of a fork because our knowledge base (the writing on our walls) advises us to do so. This is subtle, I know, but it's as if we ask the question, "How do I eat this soup?" and the writing on our walls says, "Use a spoon." This is why we wear jeans on some occasions and black tie or evening gowns on others. We constantly consult the writing on our walls for what to do. Those words represent the "truth" as we have learned it.

We consult those walls for just about everything. Those words tell us about our opportunities as well as our limits. Often they conflict with each other. On the subject of finances, for example, they may tell us, "This is America, the land of opportunity--go for it." But they may also tell us....

• "You are too young (or too old) for that."
• "You don't have enough education."
• "You are a woman and are limited by the glass ceiling."
• "You are a minority."
• "People who take risks end up broke."
• "Getting ahead depends on who you know."
• "Rich people are dishonest."

This fictional list of limits goes on indefinitely, of course. Are any of them written on your walls? If you believe any of them--or if any of them rings true--I suggest that you have bought into an expensive "limit" that need not be there.

There is nothing inherently good or bad about money. It is a form of energy. It can be used to finance wars and destruction OR it can be used to ease love into the hard to reach corners of the world. We can build our own barriers to it or let it flow through us as a sign of our birthright to abundance. All of this is dictated by the cans and can'ts written on our financial walls.

Eventually EFT will be used uniformly in business, sports, academics, spirituality and human achievements of all kinds. This is inevitable. Accordingly, healers need to expand their visions. They must move outside the walls of their previous rooms in the Palace of Possibilities and dwell in rooms that allow their own emotional freedom to expand with that of their clients. I see a day when the proficient healer will engage clients and take them from the dungeon to the Palace Penthouse and beyond. Further, I see the healer leading the way by example. What better way to teach abundance, joy and emotional freedom than to develop new levels of it for ourselves first.

How to do that is the subject of this series. More next time.

Hugs, Gary

P.S. We will also find that the writing on our walls is not carved permanently in stone. I am happy to announce that all the writing is in chalk. It is erasable through EFT and replaceable by other tools. You'll see.

The Palace of Possibilities 3--My consistent thoughts become my reality

More fundamentals before we delve into the "how-to's."

This whole series can be reduced to one sentence....

"My consistent thoughts become my reality."

It all boils down to that.

This is not new, of course. It is perhaps the most fundamental rule in all of psychotherapy. To emphasize this, I list below a few quotes from established literature. Ladies will note (and hopefully excuse) that the male gender is used in these quotes. That is because they came from men who, at the time, didn't know any better (smile).

• From the Bible: "As a man thinketh, in his heart so is he."
• From Ralph Waldo Emerson: "As a man thinketh, so he becomes."
• From A Course In Miracles: "The world you see is what you gave it, nothing more than that. But though it is no more than that, it is not less. Therefore, to you it is important. It is the witness to your state of mind, the outside picture of an inward condition. As a man thinketh, so does he perceive."

Although we don't often hear it stated this way, the main goal of psychotherapy has always been to have clients change their consistent thoughts so that the quality of their lives (their reality) will shift for the better. The primary goal has been to get clients to think differently about their traumas, fears, guilt, grief, etc. in hopes that they will put these things "in perspective" and go about their lives more positively. Their consistent thoughts, once changed, become their new reality.

Many clients are unaware of The Palace of Possibilities in which they live because they dwell in their own personal dungeons amidst their thoughts of past abuses, war memories, fear, guilt and the like. Their consistent thoughts have become their reality and, when they walk into your office, they bring their dungeons with them. The writing on their walls provides graphic evidence of their personal guilt, shame, etc. and IT IS WRITTEN THERE IN CAPITAL LETTERS, SHOUTING AT THEM. There is other writing, of course--even some writing of a more positive nature. However, it is overwhelmed by those capital letters. Those capital letters become the focus of their thinking--the centerpiece of their existence. They have become lifetime "limits" and will continue to do so until that writing is erased and replaced.

This reminds me of "Ned," a gentleman who lives in the same seaside community as I do. Ned is the ultimate pessimist and is quite proud of it. His conversation consistently turns to the problems in his life, the world, etc. and, as you might expect, he has managed to manifest many problems in his reality. By contrast, I am quite optimistic. In the eyes of some (especially Ned), I would give major competition to Pollyanna. I am forever looking for opportunity and, interestingly enough, I seem to find it. Ned also seems to find what he is looking for (problems). He rarely finds opportunity. We see the world quite differently, yet we are both looking at the same world.

Many years ago, Ned and I were in conversation about the movie "Rocky." I thought the movie was exhilarating. To me, it was all about how a "has-been" could pull himself up by his bootstraps and fight the heavyweight champion of the world. It was exciting. It was a glorious example of the power of the human spirit. However, when I asked Ned about his opinion of the movie he said, "It was about two bums beating each other up."

Even though the movie was identical for both of us--exactly the same words, pictures, music, etc.-- we had diametrically opposed reactions. How could this be? The only difference, of course, was what we brought to the movie. It was our filter (our consistent thoughts) through which we perceived the events and gave them meaning (our reality). That movie, like life, was the outer projection of an inner state. Our experience of it was strictly an "inside job." We see life as a projection/reflection of our mind set. Our consistent thoughts become our reality.

As my friend, Jim Newman (of the PACE seminars), says:

"Yesterday's thoughts have created your present. Today's thoughts are creating your future."

This is yet another way to say, "my consistent thoughts become my reality." So is, "A happy face does not come by chance, it comes by happy thoughts." See--the idea is everywhere. Think what you have always thought and you will get what you have always gotten.

As we explored last time, we are constantly consulting the writing on our walls. We do it all day long and the most prominently written words on our walls become our consistent thoughts (and thus our reality). We would, of course, all like to have a better reality. We would prefer to have more emotional freedom--to be more spiritually evolved--to live in the more expansive annexes of our personal Palace of Possibilities. It follows then, that the way to achieve a better reality is to change our consistent thoughts because changing our consistent thoughts automatically changes our reality.

I am aware that this is a cognitive sort of approach and, as such, some of it is old (but powerful) stuff. What takes us to new levels here is the combination of these tools with EFT and the energy approaches. The tapping technologies clear away (erase) the heavy emotional stuff far more efficiently than do the cognitive approaches. This relief, together with the creative use of cognitive type tools, allows us to more easily rewrite (replace) the words on our walls. Once we erase the limiting words from our walls, we can replace them with whatever we want. Erase and replace. Erase and replace. Our aim here is to approach limitlessness. Oh my!

We will explore one of those tools next time.

Love, Gary

The Palace of Possibilities 4--Affirmations are the sleepers...

Hi Everyone,

Humor me for a moment while I make a bold statement that is likely to generate resistance from many readers. Here it is....

"Affirmations are among the most powerful tools we can use for personal transformation. They are highly reliable, easy to use and are based on impeccable logic."

Hmmmm! Then how come hardly any therapist uses them? This email list is loaded with therapists and healers of every description. Your sophistication in the healing arts is impressive and includes neurofeedback, hypnosis, drugs, language patterns, EMDR, energy therapies, bodywork and a long list of other methods. I have had countless discussions with you via telephone, email and my seminars and yet rarely has anyone brought up affirmations as an effective tool.

That notwithstanding, affirmations are usually front and center in the vast array of "you are what you think" books and carry with them some hard to argue with logic. Simply stated, the persistent repetition of an affirmation conditions the mind to see things differently. The affirmation eventually becomes installed as a consistent thought which then shows up in our reality. Our consistent thoughts become our reality. Very simple. To the point. Easy to use. Affirmations are the real sleepers in our Personal Performance Toolkit and we are about to wake them up.

To some people affirmations are considered useless and to others they just plain suck. To many they represent a good idea that, unfortunately, doesn't deliver on its promises. Many people have tried them but quit because "They don't work!" In truth, however, they do work and work superbly. They are highly reliable (perhaps more reliable than any other tool) and do, indeed, manifest in people's lives that which is affirmed.

Now listen up! This is a critical paragraph. Affirmations seem to be ineffective only because there is a missing piece to the affirmation process that has gone mostly unrecognized. It has to do with what is actually affirmed. This is often NOT the affirmation that is stated. In fact, it is frequently the opposite. Our affirmations are impressive in their ability to shape our lives. If we will but listen to our own self talk we will hear glowing evidence of this. Our self talk contains constant affirmations regarding our existing beliefs and attitudes. So does our every day conversation. These affirmations have brought us to the current status in our lives and confined us within our own limiting rooms in The Palace of Possibilities. To truly harness the power of affirmations, we must make sure the actual affirmations that are taking effect are the ones we want. Therein lies our major challenge and an indispensable use for EFT. Read this paragraph again. It is pivotal.

Here's an example of what I mean. Let's say a 200 pound woman uses an affirmation aimed at weighing 130. She might affirm something like this...

"My normal weight is 130 pounds and that's what I weigh."

The logic here is that if she keeps repeating that affirmation she will perform a form of mental conditioning. As a result, she will begin to see herself differently and will naturally adjust her food intake and exercise habits to permanently achieve this new weight level. Properly done, there would be no will power involved. Her life habits would simply evolve to someone who behaved as a 130 pound woman.

I know this can work because I did it myself. About 20 years ago I lost 30 pounds by consistently repeating an affirmation that said...

"My normal weight is 160 pounds and that's what I weigh."

Within 6 months, and without a formal diet or will power, I reached 160 and had all my clothes taken in. My weight today is 163. It is inconceivable to me that I would weigh 190 again. My vision of myself as a 160 pound person is part of those "consistent thoughts that have become my reality." I also used an affirmation to stairstep my income from $18,000 per year to over $400,000. Again, no will power was involved. Nor did I work longer hours. I was a life insurance salesman and began calling on wealthier clients who were previously perceived as "bigger than me." They bought larger policies. Simple as that.

But most people don't have my experience. Why? Because the affirmation they are stating is not the "true" affirmation. You see, the stated affirmation often has competition within the person's system. That competing affirmation gets tagged on at the tail end of the stated affirmation in a subtle, yet powerful, way and becomes the "true" affirmation.

For example, our 200 pound woman who says, "My normal weight is 130 pounds and that's what I weigh" is likely to have one or more "tail enders" show up at the end of her affirmation. They might go like this...

• "But if you lose the weight, others will expect you to keep it off."
• "But if you lose the weight, you will have to spend a lot of money for new clothes."
• "But if you lose the weight, men will hit on you and expect sex."
• "But if you lose the weight, men won't hit on you and then you will know you aren't loveable.
• "But if you lose the weight, you will have to give up your favorite foods."

This list of tail enders is endless. These are just examples. They are not spoken or articulated, of course, but are subtle (and powerful) reflections of the existing obstacles for losing weight. Can they be eventually overridden by the persistent use of the affirmation? Probably. However, it's a rare person who will keep up this persistence. Why? Because first, they are not seeing any immediate results and, second, they feel uncomfortable with the emotional discord that goes on between the stated affirmation and the competing tail enders. They often conclude that they are lying to themselves and just give up. As you can see, the affirmation process usually needs help. It needs EFT to erase those existing tail enders.

This brings us to one of the truly powerful aspects of affirmations, namely, that once an affirmation is truly installed, it is not easily moved. It becomes a permanent part of your persona until you replace it. For example, those tail end affirmations for our 200 pound woman have taken up residence within her system. They are entrenched. They are written on her walls and have become her consistent thoughts which, of course, have become her reality. They are stubborn and are not about to be easily "talked away" with an unaided new affirmation. That would be like trying to topple the Empire State Building with a piece of limp spaghetti. She sees herself as a 200 pound woman--and that's it! Her weight is a reflection of her existing affirmations--the writing on her walls. The good news here is that once the new "130 pound affirmation" truly takes place, it becomes the new consistent thought and is just as obstinate as the previous "200 pound tail enders" which it replaced. To gain weight back would be inconsistent with the newly resident consistent thoughts.

If we listen to ourselves talk, we will hear our "limits" and other forms of affirmations come rolling out of our faces. Things like...

• "I can't sing,"
• "Making money isn't spiritual,"
• "Women can't compete in a man's world,"
• "I never seem to find the right words," etc. etc. etc.

...serve as affirmations that keep us right where we are. Affirmations are powerful, very powerful. We are using them every minute of the day. They shape our lives because they reflect our beliefs and our attitudes. You are using them right now as you read this. You are consulting the writing on your walls (your existing affirmations) to agree or disagree with what I am saying. Have you found yourself saying, "Yes, but..." while reading this? If so, you are affirming something, probably a limit.

This is why I said earlier that affirmations....

"...are highly reliable (perhaps more reliable than any other tool) and do, indeed, manifest in people's lives that which is affirmed."

There is no question that properly installed affirmations work very powerfully. The only trick here is to make sure that the affirmation that you really want is the true affirmation.

This is where EFT comes in. It serves as a highly effective eraser for all the negative emotions & beliefs that serve as competing tail enders. With the skillful use of EFT, each and every block to personal performance can be eliminated, thereby providing a clean wall on which to write our new consistent thoughts. Erase and replace. Erase and replace. Once the competition is gone, the affirmation will have clear sailing. This is exciting. It is transformational. This combination of EFT and affirmations allows us to completely re-engineer our systems. It allows us to erase our blocks and install our dreams. Finances can flourish. Friendships can flower. And personal peace can proliferate.

Up until now EFT has been a stand-alone eraser without any means to install dreams. Affirmations, on the other hand, have been a stand-alone tool for installing dreams but without an eraser for the competing tail enders. Now we can blend both tools together and take ourselves & our clients into the more glorious rooms of the Palace of Possibilities. I love people who pursue their possibilities. I love people with dreams. They make things happen. They lead by example. Doesn't that make your juices run?

More next time.

Hugs, Gary

P.S. This is a good time to send me your thoughts, questions, what if's, how to's etc. It is from your responses that I will begin to customize this series. Let me hear from you.

Palace of Possibilities 4a--Responses regarding affirmations

Hi Everyone,

First, a big thank you to everyone who responded to my last "Palace" post. I wish time allowed me to respond to everyone and to include each and every message within this "book" we are writing together. Please know that I read every single message and they ALL influence what I write, even those messages that don't show up in this series.

Also, while we are now focusing on affirmations & EFT, there are many other tools we will explore before we are done. I am hoping to provide practitioners with the tools to produce results within every nook & cranny of the Personal Performance spectrum.

While most of the questions had to do with how to mix affirmations with EFT (I'll cover that next time), there were many other comments that I wish to share with you. I have included names of the authors where I thought appropriate. Here they are:

First, here is a quote from Marianne Williamson that captures the spirit of the Palace of Possibilities. It was submitted by Deborah Mitnick.

Finally, this intriguing message from Bea Scarlata...

Hugs to all, Gary

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