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The Palace of Possibilities

Using EFT to achieve one's potential

In this Section 2...

• The Palace of Possibilities 5--Affirmations & a weight loss example
• The Palace of Possibilities 5a--More responses regarding affirmations
• The Palace of Possibilities 5b--Still more responses regarding affirmations

The Palace of Possibilities 5--Affirmations & a weight loss example

I continue to get many positive remarks about this series. Why? Because we are diving head first into our own pool of power. We are awakening the winner within that knows our true capabilities. This enriches the spirit and quickens the pulse. So far we have developed the "Palace" metaphor and established that we constantly consult the writings on our walls. Those writings form our consistent thoughts which, in turn, become our reality. We then introduced affirmations as a tool for writing different messages on our walls and pointed to EFT as an eraser for the competing beliefs (which often show up as "tail enders" to the affirmation).

Affirmations represent only one tool (of many) in our Possibilities Toolbox and I will have much more to say about them as this series unfolds. For now, however, I have introduced them as a beginning peek at our poss-abilities. When combined with EFT, their use is greatly magnified and extends into every corner of our personal potentials. In my introductory message on affirmations, I gave a theoretical example of a 200 pound woman affirming that she weighed 130. By far, the most prevalent response I had to this were requests to expand on the how-to's of this problem. One lady (call her "Judy") wrote....

"OK. I'm almost 200 lbs and have been since my clergy sexual abuse blew up in my face (when I asked the perpetrator's superiors to apologize for ignoring me when I reported him, they put out the story that I made it all up because he would not go to bed w/me! So much for the man who told me he loved me for 8 years!!!) I know one of my tail enders is if I lost weight, men would hit on me. But I suspect there are others. How do I discover what they are? How do I treat the tail enders?"

In my experience, weight is not usually the problem. Rather, it is often a symptom of several emotional issues that drive one to overeat. The trick here, of course, is to discover those underlying emotional drivers. Fortunately, the affirmation process has a way of letting you know that these emotional drivers exist and thus becomes a highly useful aid to this investigation. There's a simple rule involved and here it is. If the affirmation "isn't working" it's because there are tail enders at work. I find that rule very reliable. It is invaluable information because it tells you to start looking.

As Judy stated, she already knows that one of her tail enders is, "...if I lost weight, men would hit on me". If she was your client, it would take very little effort to bring it to the surface. In fact, it would probably show up during the first round or two of saying the weight loss affirmation. If we are lucky here, this one sexual abuse issue would be the only competing writing on her walls. If so, it could be divided into its several aspects (if any) and erased with EFT. We could then proceed to install the weight loss affirmation and, in reasonable time, a slender "new Judy" would appear.

But what if there is more to it? What if Judy's weight is reflective of generalized life issues? What if there are more competing tail enders that escape immediate detection? What then? Simple, if the weight loss affirmation is "not working" then you can properly conclude that there are more tail enders. Locating them is your next task and this is where the practitioner's skill is paramount. This is what psychotherapists are trained to do and they (you) have developed many techniques in this regard. For our purposes here, I list below some suggested queries for bringing the competing thoughts to the surface. I'm sure you have others and, if so, please let me know what they are.

• "If there were an emotional reason for the affirmation not working, what would it be?"
• "Finish this sentence. If I weighed 130 the consequences would be...."
• "Finish this sentence. In order to lose weight I would have to....."
• "Finish this sentence. What I really want is...."
• "Finish this sentence. Losing weight reminds me of...."
• "Say this sentence and tell me how true it feels. I want someone to love me as I am and THEN I will lose weight."
• "Say this sentence and tell me how true it feels. Others in my family are overweight and so that is my destiny."
• "Say this sentence and tell me how true it feels. If I stopped eating (ice cream, pastries, etc.) it would be like losing a friend."

These queries can bring up a whole daisy chain of events, beliefs, attitudes and other tail enders that are restricting Judy's life and showing up on her body as excess weight. These, of course, can be addressed one by one and discharged with EFT. It may take time and it may take love, persistence and skill. That's good because Judy won't be the only one who benefits. As A Course In Miracles says, "The Ark of Peace is entered two by two."

As these tail enders are properly discharged, Judy's life should perk right up. If her overweight problem is, indeed, reflective of a generalized life issue then repeated uses of EFT are likely to produce several "side benefits." She will begin to see opportunities that didn't seem to be there before. She will laugh more and get along better with others. Anger will be lighter and less prevalent. She will sleep better and feel more confident. She will try things she hadn't tried before. She will be happier and...yes...she will lose weight.

In this example you have an obvious barometer for success--Judy's weight. You don't have to rely on her subjective report about how she feels. Nor do you have to do any guessing. Until that excess weight becomes history, you have more tail enders to address--pure & simple. You and Judy can work together (important word) as you jointly pursue the reasons behind the weight problem and erase them one by one. All the while, the weight loss affirmation is conditioning new consistent thoughts that are pulling her in a positive direction. The process is much like a tug of war which starts as a standoff. The affirmations pull in Judy's direction while EFT gradually loosens the grip of the competing tail enders. As the competition loses its hold, the affirmations begin winning the battle until, finally, the competition gives up and Judy weighs 130 pounds. This is "feel good" time for both of you. This is when human connection shifts into high gear and love takes over the steering wheel. This is much more than one of our EFT "one minute wonders." It is the "why" of this profession--the real reward.

The overall process is quite simple. In fact, this procedure applies to just about every issue--not just weight loss. You can use it as a stand alone protocol or blend it with one of your own. Here it is (open to your revision, however):

1. Develop an affirmation aimed at mentally conditioning a "new you." (proper rules for affirmations are coming up in a later post)

2. Whenever it "isn't working," look for competing tail enders.

3. Divide the competing tail enders into their aspects (if any) and bring them to zero (erase them) with EFT.

4. Resume the affirmation and repeat steps 2 and 3 where necessary.

Getting back to rewards for a moment, there is also a useful business benefit to this procedure. Assuming rapport and dedication on your part, you now have a long term client. This is not just a one shot deal where you take care of someone's fear of public speaking in one session and then never see them again. Instead, you can turn that person into a polished speaker and go well beyond the mere elimination of their pounding heart and constricted throat. Further, you can move Judy (and all the other Judy's out there) through her various weight related issues and, together, achieve success. Next, you can take aim at her financial picture and all the tail enders that serve as "money blocks." After that, there are many self image issues and, after that, there are many areas that are ripe for Personal Performance Coaching. Further, as more and more of the negative writing on her walls gets erased and replaced, her spiritual quests are likely to show up. This tends to happen as people shed their negative preoccupations. And so on it goes. There is no end to the possibilities here. However far someone has journeyed, there is always more distance to cover.

The truly exciting thing about all this is that we can do our own "possibilities work" and lead by example. There is nothing more inspiring than learning from someone whose very presence demonstrates the power of our possibilities. This is both a convincer and a motivator. What better thing can we do for ourselves, and thus our clients, than to develop our own ability to move freely through the Palace of Possibilities?

More next time.

Hugs, Gary

The Palace of Possibilities 5a--More responses regarding affirmations

Hi Everyone,

I've been gone for 36 hours and came back to a number to emails on our recent affirmations topic. As usual, the wisdom on this list is impressive so I wanted to share some of these posts with you. I will spread this over a few messages to keep the length down. I have interspersed my comments where I have something appropriate to say.

Hugs, Gary

FROM JENNIFER JENNINGS

GC: We have much to explore here and, yes, taking action is usually necessary for eventual results. However, I find that such action should not be "forced" through some form of will power. In my experience, this tends to thwart the natural flow of the process. If the tail enders are out of the way and proper motivation is in place, action automatically follows. The overweight person tends to make better food choices, the salesperson calls on bigger clients, the actor or singer begins to rehearse more vividly, etc. This is because their "new level" seems more reachable. It begins to excite them and they start preparing. If they don't do this naturally, then look for more tail enders. You might also question motivation. Some people do affirmations on "shoulds" (usually a dead end) instead of on their real goals. This is a function of goal setting which we haven't covered yet.

FROM--AUTHOR'S NAME WITHHELD ON REQUEST

GC: The Palace of Possibilities is about our own personal "inside jobs." It is about creating new vistas for the individual, not the cultural beliefs of a whole nation.

That being said, I can't resist commenting on how the writings on the walls of an entire culture can be changed. It has been done many times. This country's shift away from slavery toward equality is an example that is still going on as we speak. Typically, these cultural shifts start with one person's dream (Abraham Lincoln?, Martin Luther King?). Dreaming is very important in taking us in desired directions. Dreaming can create such congruence within those who have a mission that the contagion can permeate an entire culture. This can, and does, ignite shifts in mass awareness. There are few things that can compete with someone on a true mission. That's because their thoughts are aligned with their actions. They are tireless because they have no conflict in what they want to do. The principles of the Palace of Possibilities, properly implemented, will awaken the missionary zeal in people. One truly congruent missionary can send mental earthquakes into the thinking faults of entire cultures of complacent people. We are talking about tapping into our true power here. We have enormous potential. We need only awaken it.

GC: Although I haven't couched it in terms of "character change," this is certainly a reasonable expectation of the Palace of Possibilities. Indeed, through affirmations, daydreaming and other tools, we can create a vision of ourselves as uplifting, compassionate, honest, forgiving and an endless list of other character traits. These positive goals, properly approached, act as magnets pulling us in the desired direction. EFT serves as the scissors that cut the emotional ties binding us to less attractive visions of ourselves.

GC: Try this affirmation: "I'm totally comfortable with my ideas and enjoy sharing them with others." This is a start. Find the tail enders (if any) to this and you will be on your way toward the more expansive rooms in The Palace of Possibilities. To be shy about one's ideas is, indeed, a limit. It is confining and expensive. I say this with love. Your ideas are very thought provoking. I would have preferred to have given you credit for them.

GC: Interesting approach.

FROM PATRICK McGIVERN

GC: I hadn't looked at it in this way. Metaphors, I find, are extraordinary ways to develop ideas. Yours is a good one. Maybe we could call it The Symphony in our Software :-).

The Palace of Possibilities 5b--Still more responses regarding affirmations

Hi Everyone,

Here are more queries from list Members as well as my responses. These are important to read because they clarify certain ideas and advance us on toward others.

Hugs, Gary

GC: Join the club! Many have turned their back on affirmations. This is partly because tail enders got ignored but also because the goals they were affirming weren't true goals. They were shoulds. There is a big difference between someone who SHOULD do better in business because their father says so and someone who truly WANTS to build an enterprise to create both personal wealth and better products/services for others. One is a yawn. The other is a Yippee. SHOULDS end up in the affirmation trash bag while WANTS become magnets that pull us toward our possibilities. Affirmations are truly magnificent creators of our tomorrows. Our past affirmations (the ones we use by default--the existing writing on our walls) have created our present status. Our present affirmations are creating our future. This is true whether or not we consciously choose our affirmations.

GC: In my experience, smokers fall into two categories: (1) those who are physically addicted and that's all, and (2) those who are physically addicted AND use cigarettes (and/or other substances) to temporarily tranquilize the persistent anxiety they feel from past rejections, abuses, fears, guilt, etc. The latter category brings with it "aspects-a-plenty" which are good candidates for long term work using the principles of the Palace of Possibilities.

There is a parallel here with weight loss. After all the tail enders are gone, an affirmation such as "I am free of the cigarette habit" together with goals, purposeful daydreaming and other "Palace techniques" are likely to pay dividends. Not only will the smoker no longer need his/her cigarettes but the underlying emotional drivers will be replaced with positive, life changing "side effects." For another look at helping out the smoker, please see Willem Lammer's posts on our web site entitled Dialogues with smokers.

GC: Note: Louise Hay's information is included in her book, "You can heal your life." Hay House, Inc., Carson, CA.

GC: When people are mindlessly repeating like a mantra, one of several things is happening: (1) the affirmation is reflective of a SHOULD instead of a WANT, (2) the affirmation represents too big a step and is too far out of the current beliefs, OR (3) it is time to restate the affirmation in terms that are more enthusiastic for the person.

GC: Good points. Although I tend to come from the "physical-problems-come-from-emotional-causes" point of view, there are, of course, exceptions.

GC: This is another useful approach. Some may prefer it.

GC: This refers to a statement I made regarding using EFT as an eraser for the "tail end" beliefs that show up after an affirmation is stated. Many emotional problems that EFT addresses are made up of related parts or "aspects." Someone's traumatic memory of an auto accident, for example, could be composed of (1) fear of the approaching headlights, (2) the screams in the car and (3) anger at the drivers. Until all of these aspects are properly handled, some remnant of the traumatic memory will remain. One of the main advantages of the EFT Course is all the live sessions (about 80) that are contained therein. The treatment of aspects as well at the "art of delivery" is displayed in great detail.

We have many interested listeners on this list who are evaluating whether or not to get training in EFT. You are more than welcome here but I hope you will understand that the ultimate purpose of this list is to provide support for existing EFT'ers. Accordingly, I must write this Palace of Possibilities series under the assumption that the readers are familiar with EFT. Otherwise, I will be spending too much time going over old ground for the vast majority of list Members that are using EFT daily. Thanks for your understanding.

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