by Dr. Carol Look

My client "Joan" was suffering from having "conversations in her head" with her former boss. She was tired of feeling afraid of running into him in the future and wanted to clear her feelings with the tapping exercises. While Joan's situation might seem mild to some readers (at least compared to some of the abuse cases we read about), I offer this case as yet another illustration of how EFT can neutralize feelings that dominate our time and siphon off our energy.

Joan described the behavior of her ex-boss as "rude, sexist and demeaning." When I asked for examples of how he would talk to her, she said he "announced" he was a "male chauvinist" and behaved as if he didn't respect women. She particularly resented his frequent comments about her appearance, clothing, or ways of speaking. She had often felt oppressed and powerless in his presence, and impatient with herself for not standing up to him.

When Joan "tuned in" to memories of what her boss had said to her while they were out on sales calls, she winced, and rated them at about an "8" on an intensity scale of 0-10. She had often felt humiliated, put down, or degraded by his attitudes and words.

We tapped for at least three of his "comments" that had stung her in the past and were still causing her anguish now. We tapped for "even though I felt humiliated when he said..." and "even though he embarrassed me..." and a few other rounds using the exact wording he had used. We also tapped for "feeling powerless."

She felt relieved of the stinging after these few rounds and found herself feeling neutral about his comments. There was no intensity left when she "tuned" back in to the same comments or situations. (Please note that we did not need to tune in to any other past incidents in her life when she had felt humiliated to clear up this current issue. It's possible that other incidents may have surfaced and been neutralized during the tapping without our awareness.)

CAROL CONTINUES: When I asked Joan about the anticipation of meeting her former boss in the future, she reported fearing becoming enraged. She had fantasies of yelling at him in public in an effort to finally defend herself. She had not felt free, safe or mentally prepared enough to "defend" herself at the moment of the comments/behavior she experienced during her work day. Her intensity was quite high, so we tapped for "feeling angry" at him, "feeling resentful" and "feeling afraid of a confrontation." We also tapped for "forgiving herself" for not being more self-protective and "forgiving him for doing the best he could." She felt relieved of anxious anticipation and almost bored by the subject after the tapping. She felt confident about meeting him again in the future and being civil to him in public.

Three weeks later, I asked Joan how she was feeling about her former boss. She said, "Oh, I really haven't been thinking about him anymore." (A classic response after tapping has reduced the intensity of someone's feelings about an upsetting situation.) When I asked about seeing him in the future at a business function she said, "Now I can see myself being neutral with him, and acting in an appropriate business-like fashion." She no longer felt the need to "put him in his place" or "tell him off" for things he said to her.

Joan was quite troubled by these past incidents, and fearful of the future in ways that were inhibiting her daily life. She was entertaining useless conversations in her head and wasting time and energy on negativity, fear and anxiety. She now has more time and energy to focus on other issues and feels free of the anxiety and fear connected to this situation.

Happy New Year,

Dr. Carol Look