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Guilt over terminating a marriage

EFt Tapping Outdated ImageNote: This is one of 3,000 articles written prior to the updated Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tapping Tutorial™. As a result, it is likely outdated. It provides practical uses for EFT Tapping but you should also explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT, by reading our free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™, and/or get help from a Certified EFT Practitioner.

by Gary Craig

Hi Everyone,

As part of a workshop I asked the audience members to pick out a personal emotional event so that we could tap as a group--each for their own emotional event. As usual, most of the audience had substantial improvement (or complete cessation) of their emotional responses. "Jennie," however, did not.

Jennie was on the edge of tears and said her event was "too private" to discuss further--at least in front of the group. So, at the break, Jennie and I found a private place in a corner of the meeting room and spent a little one-on-one time. Here are the highlights of our session....

GC: How comfortable are you about telling me the story now?

JENNIE: I can tell you but I'll start bawling. I'm about ready to bawl now.

GC: OK. Perhaps we can take the edge off of that before we begin. Tap the karate chop point and repeat after me. "Even though I feel like bawling...."

JENNIE: Even though I feel like bawling....

GC: over something I don't even want to discuss....

JENNIE: over something I don't even want to discuss....

GC: and that I've been hanging onto for too long...

JENNIE: and that I've been hanging onto for too long...(she nods in agreement)

GC: I deeply and completely accept myself.

JENNIE: I deeply and completely accept myself.

Note: We did three rounds like this (using the shortcut EFT points on "I feel like bawling") until I heard a relaxing sigh.

GC: Picture the event and tell me if you still feel like crying.

JENNIE: Well...I don't like the picture but I don't feel like bawling--at least I can control it.

GC: If the event was a movie, how long would it last?

JENNIE: A few minutes.

GC: If the movie had a title, what would it be?

JENNIE: "Jennie breaks up her marriage."

GC: Did you feel like bawling when you said that?

JENNIE: A little. But nothing like I expected.

GC: Alright. Tap the karate chop spot and repeat after me, "Even though I don't like this 'Jennie-breaks-up-her-marriage' movie...."

JENNIE: Even though I don't like this 'Jennie-breaks-up-her-marriage' movie....

GC: and may have some guilt about it...

JENNIE: and have A LOT OF GUILT about it...

Note: My use of the term "may have some.........." is a way of fishing around for the true issue. It also gives the client an open door to use her own words. Jennie's emphasis on guilt helped both of us to zero in on the issue.

GC: I deeply and completely accept myself.

JENNIE: I deeply and completely accept myself.

GC: I'm built of guilt...

JENNIE: I'm built of guilt...

GC: at least that's the way it feels.

JENNIE: at least that's the way it feels. (she nods again in agreement)

Note: She then did two rounds of tapping the EFT shortcut points on "built of guilt."

GC: Run the movie through in your mind and tell me which part of it makes you feel like bawling.

JENNIE: (After closing her eyes for a few moments) We were in the bedroom when I finally told my husband, "Bob," that the marriage hadn't been fulfilling for me for 20 years and I wanted a divorce. He is a very needy man and I knew he would take it hard. He needs me--or someone--in order to cope with the world. He literally rolled up into a fetal ball on the floor in anguish. Oh God I felt guilty.

GC: You FELT guilty or FEEL guilty? There's a difference.

JENNIE: Well, I felt a lot guiltier then than I do now.

GC: Do you feel like bawling.

JENNIE: No. That's interesting. But it still has a big tug on me.

GC: On a 10 point scale, how big is the tug?

JENNIE: About a 6.

GC: OK. Tap the karate chop spot and repeat after me, "Even though I still have this big tug....:

JENNIE: Even though I still have this big tug....

GC: about Bob rolling up into a fetal ball....

JENNIE: about Bob rolling up into a fetal ball....

GC: and it hurt us both so badly....

JENNIE: it hurt us both so badly...

GC: that I wanted to roll up into a fecal ball myself.

Note: My off-color word shift was on purpose--the response often gives clues as to the client's current stance on their issue.

JENNIE: (smiling) You got the word wrong.

GC: (smiling) Are you sure?

JENNIE: (pause) Well, I did feel pretty sh--ty about it.

GC: Then maybe it was the right word after all.

JENNIE: Aren't we supposed to take this seriously?

GC: That's up to you. How serious does it need to be now that it's all over?

JENNIE: (smiling) Well, somehow it doesn't seem like such a big deal any more.

Note: She then did 2 or 3 shortcut EFT rounds on "Feeling guilty about Bob's fetal ball" and another 2 or three rounds on "fetal-fecal feelings." As an aside, off-color language like this can be very effective with some clients but fall flat on its face with others. In this case, I picked up on her language before this session began and felt that it would be acceptable.

GC: Run the movie again and tell me what feelings you get.

JENNIE: (after closing her eyes for a few moments) I still have some concern about it, but the big charge is gone.

GC: Concern is be expected. This process doesn't turn one into an iceberg. It's the excess...or unnecessary...charge that we are taking aim at.

JENNIE: I think there's some left, though.

GC: How do you know that?

JENNIE: I feel some tension in my throat.

GC: OK, tap the karate chop point and repeat after me, "Even though I have some tension in my throat...."

After two rounds of EFT on "tension in my throat" she sighed and the tension disappeared. When the workshop resumed, Jennie agreed to spend some time in front of the audience discussing the details of our session. She was free of it. No need to bawl.

There did seem to be a little more work to do because she had a minor amount of throat tension appear during the discussion with the audience. We are talking about remnants, though. The biggest piece had been handled. She can now be a good friend to Bob and help him through some needy times ahead...AND...she can do so without being burdened by guilt.

Hugs, Gary


Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT™, by reading our free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™