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Articles & Ideas


Persistence and EFT homework help a woman embrace her femininity

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. Newcomers can still learn from it but are advised to peruse our Free Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tutorial™ for a more complete understanding.

Hi Everyone,

Women with romantic inhibitions will get a barrel full of ideas from this first class article by Nancy Morris. She highlights the important parts of 9 different EFT sessions and brings up several useful concepts.

Hugs, Gary

By Nancy Morris, EFTCert-I

Charlotte contacted me because the title of my article Loving Your Feminine Body had caught her attention. She said that she wanted help "appreciating my feminine self, my sensuality". There hadn't been any sexual abuse in her family but "women were not respected or cherished."

When we first talked on the telephone and I asked Charlotte what outcome she would like, she said she would like to feel "whole, OK", that she "wouldn't be ashamed of being a woman", and that her "sex life would improve". When I inquired more specifically what "an improved sex life" might look like, Charlotte was unable to come up with an answer and said she felt like crying. We set our first appointment for later that month.

I'll outline the areas we worked on during our sessions to show the progression that was made by consistently working on specific events and by Charlotte doing homework between sessions. Charlotte was good about making notes of anything that was happening for her when she did her EFT tapping homework. For example, when it became too challenging to tap on a particular phrase she identified the "writing on her walls" or a specific incident from her past would come to mind. We would work on these in the next session. When the client and the EFT Practitioner work together as a team, it is an excellent way to make the most progress quickly.

Session #1 - Worked on two specific incidents from her childhood (3 & 4 years old) that had been embarrassing and brought up shame. One had to do with being in the hospital. By the end of the session, Charlotte had a cognitive shift and felt "warmth and softness around my heart toward the doctors and nurses".

Session #2 - Focused on her "writing on the walls" that "women are stupid, not important" and that "boys come first". Again, two specific events from around age 6 came up. In each situation she was around a group of men who were drinking, gambling, telling dirty jokes and using crude language. This made her want to be "invisible, not female".

Using EFT "neutralized their hostility" according to Charlotte and produced this cognitive shift for her: she could hear herself saying: "what you men are saying isn't true; it won't affect my core." I suggested that besides EFT Tapping homework, Charlotte do a Visual Tour of her body, identifying the parts she likes and dislikes; she should do this with an attitude of honesty and much kindness toward herself. NOTE: These types of homework exercises are excellent for bringing up any issues that need to be worked on in future sessions.

Session #3 - We discussed Charlotte's reaction to doing the homework exercise and it was revealed that, even though she's in her 50's, she'd never pleasured herself; it "felt dirty". We investigated where she got this message and cleared that. Then we moved on to clearing two very strong and reactive specific events; one from her college years and one from her honeymoon. EFT Tapping homework was given as well as doing a Physical Inventory of sensations as she touched her body (non-sexual) in different places (arms, feet, legs, neck, etc.) and in different ways (firm or light, fast or slow, fingertips or fingernails, etc.) and paid attention to what felt good/not so good.

Session #4 - Charlotte said she felt like crying and: "I have a deep mistrust of my body. It won't do what I want it to. I can't count on it." Investigating this revealed specific events (that had to do with giving birth to her children) where Charlotte made this decision. We cleared these specific events. Homework: EFT Tapping homework and an exercise of writing up how she would like an "exquisite sexual experience" to look and feel like for her.

Session #5 - Charlotte had been unable to do the homework write-up and felt sadness and fear and tightness in her throat. We worked on the feeling in her body "Chasing the Pain" until it went down from a level of intensity of 8 out of 10 down to a 3. Once she was more comfortable, we moved to a specific sexual event that had actually happened over and over again over a period of a few years and had a lot of charge for her. We used the Movie Technique; it was called "Horror" and she felt betrayal, shame, anger and isolation. We tapped the intensity down to a reasonable level until we could move to the Tell the Story Technique and she was able to tell the entire story, including the worst part, with zero reaction.

Homework: Even though it hasn't felt safe to be female, I now embrace my powerful self.
Even though I haven't known what I want, I'm learning and discovering my own preferences.

Session #6 - Charlotte reported that when doing her EFT Tapping during the week she enjoyed it and found herself wondering what "powerful" meant to her. Specific events from her past taught her that boys are free to run but "girls can't move, they have to be still". We worked through the aspects of this incident until it had zero charge for her. When I asked her "If you were to be powerful regarding sex, what would you let yourself do that you're not?" Charlotte said she would ask for sex and would not be frustrated. She said again that she had never pleasured herself/ masturbated. She felt "inept" and "afraid to try" and "afraid to lose control". Using EFT we tapped down all the aspects of the "inept/afraid to try" reaction and then a specific event regarding illness (seizures and kidney stones) came up regarding "losing control". After tapping on these events her intensity on losing control came down to zero.

Homework: Even though I've stifled myself for a long time, I now embrace my powerful self.

Session 7 - NOTE: EFT Tapping helps to bring out everything that needs to be treated: Charlotte realized while doing her EFT homework that she had anxiety about sex with her husband and that she wasn't sure what gave her pleasure. We worked on difficult sexual events from the past until she volunteered that she was feeling a "lifted heart" toward her husband.

Homework: Even though I've stifled myself for a long time, I now embrace my freedom. I also recommended that she again do the Tactile Inventory of her body to see how it felt now.

Session 8 - Charlotte tried but was unable to do the Tactile Inventory; she said that what came up for her were anger about past sexual frustrations and the "tyranny of arousal". We tapped down the anger and fear (of being frustrated and left in a lurch). We discussed the freedom and power of knowing what satisfies oneself. Then we did a lot of tapping on aspects such as: must behave, must be good, deserving to give myself pleasure, OK to enjoy touching myself, etc.

Homework: Even though I've stifled myself, I choose to feel sexy and playful. Tapping points: I've stifled myself, I choose to feel sexy, I've stifled myself, I choose to feel playful, etc.

Charlotte gasped when she heard those words (sexy and playful) but agreed to try. I also suggested she try the Tactile Inventory (non-sexual touching) once again.

Session #9 - Charlotte said that while tapping on the "feeling sexy and playful" she became aroused, began exploring in a playful way, and ended up having a wonderful time, eventually pleasuring herself to orgasm for the first time in her life! She felt "empowered" and "more whole and connected to myself". She said she'd had an exquisite sexual experience.

Regarding her original goal of feeling "whole/OK", she feels she is "integrating sexy into who I am." Rather than being "ashamed of being a woman" she "values being a woman and her feminine self feels precious and dear to me".

Charlotte feels like a new woman and now wants to fully embrace this new sexuality and be able to translate it to sex with her husband. that's where we're headed next.

Warm regards,

Nancy A. Morris


Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT™, by reading my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™. More efficient. More powerful.