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A procedure for dealing with the resistance to heal

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Hi Everyone,

Gene Monterastelli explores how our systems can play tricks on us and thwart our own healing process. He says, "Ask the question, "If I make this change, what new problems will it add to my life?"  This is a great way to surface any of the penalties you might have for healing."

Hugs, Gary


By Gene Monterastelli

I have always felt that one of the reasons we as humans are different from other animals is our amazing ability to hold two completely contradictory thoughts in our head at the same time and think both thoughts are true.  The place I see this most with my clients (and sometimes in myself) is when they want to heal some part of their life, but at the same time think there is going to be a penalty for healing.  Here are some of the most recent reasons I have encountered:

  • If I get over this fear of public speaking then they are going to expect me to speak more.
  • If I get better others are going take credit for my progress.
  • Others are going to be jealous of my progress.
  • Even if I make progress I am going to backslide again and that sort of failure will be devastating.
  • People only give me attention to help me with my problem.  If my problem goes away no one will pay attention to me.
  • If I get over my heartbreak for him then I am going to have to face the fact there is no else out there for me.

When we have beliefs like these it is very difficult for us to heal because part of us believes healing is bad for us.  In these cases it is a great idea to start with the resistance to healing before we work on the main issue at hand.

When dealing with hesitation to heal there are two steps I normally take with clients before we start attacking the main issue.  The first step is to go after any sort of resistance to change.  I have found this is a good thing to do before any EFT sessions.

Even though here is a part of me that wants to heal … But there is also a part of me that is resistant to healing … It is afraid to heal because it thinks there is going to be some penalty for healing…

Even though I may not like where I am right now, I know how to manage what is going on now…

Even though change might make me different and I might not know how to handle the new situation… 

I thank whatever part of me that is resistant to healing because it is resisting in order to protect me … But I choose to know that healing is the best thing for me … Whatever resistance and worry I have about healing I let go … Healing is what is best for me … I give myself permission to heal.

After we have cleared out an general resistance to change we can move on the second step which is go directly after the specific penalties to healing this part of our life.  One of my most recent clients, "Anne" made the statement "If I get better my mother is going to take credit for my progress just like every other time in the past."  So our tapping looked like this:

Even though I am worried that my mother is going to take credit for my progress…

Even though my mother always takes credit for all my progress I give myself permission to heal…

Even though it doesn't matter if my mother takes credit for my progress, the most important thing is that I am healing…

Even if my mother takes credit for my progress I know in my heart I am the root of all my healing and progress…

It is more important that I heal than worry about if my mother is going to take credit for my progress…

I don't care if my mother takes credit for my progress…

Even though I am worried other people are going to think I am not strong enough to take care of myself and this is just one more time in which I needed my mother to bail me out...

I give myself permission to heal regardless of what other people are going to say and do … I deserve to heal, regardless of how others are going to act…

After doing this sort of tapping Anne realized it was still a possibility that her mother was going to try and take credit for her progress, but is was no longer something that affected her.  Since this fear was gone we were now able to attack the original problem.

If you know there is an area of your life on which you need to do work, but are feeling apprehensive about doing the work:

  • Spend a little time tapping around any resistance you have for change.
  • Ask the question, "If I make this change, what new problems will it add to me life?"  This is a great way to surface any of the penalties you might have for healing.  Tap on these issues.

By taking these two steps we can move from "hesitation to heal" to "enthusiasm to heal."

Gene

 

 

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