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EFT from a CLIENT'S POINT OF VIEW

EFt Tapping Outdated ImageNote: This is one of 3,000 articles written prior to the updated Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tapping Tutorial™.  It provides practical uses for EFT Tapping and most EFT'ers should find it very helpful.  However, if your benefits are temporary or a more in-depth approach is needed, you are urged to explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT, by reading our free e-book, The Unseen Therapist, and/or (3) get help from a Certified EFT Practitioner.  

Hi Everyone,

Betty Moore-Hafter was one of our on-stage volunteers working one-on-one with me at our recent Borrowing Benefits workshop in Flagstaff, AZ. In her detailed article below, she dissects our session into several phases and accurately portrays it FROM THE CLIENT'S POINT OF VIEW. This includes not only the reframing language we used but also her reactions to each step of the process.

There is much to learn here because it gives us insights as to how the client sees the process. I found her article particularly informative because, of course, I was the one delivering EFT to her. Her "take" on what happened was reasonably consistent with mine, but there are always those little differences in our perceptions that pack more weight than we think.

Hugs, Gary

By Betty Moore-Hafter

Hi, Everyone,

Here is a write-up of my experience of being a "demo" at Gary Craig's Flagstaff workshop #1. It's a bit long, but I want to share enough of the details to make it instructive.

Before: I recently wrote an EFT manual called "Tapping Your Amazing Potential with EFT." When I first completed it in February, I sent a copy to Gary Craig to make sure he was ok with what I was doing. There was a delay in Gary getting back to me and when I called him, he couldn't talk. He just set up another time and didn't mention my manual. Immediately, every fiber of my being read that as, "Oh, no, he hates it! That's why he doesn't want to talk with me." Every cell of my body was braced for the worst. But when we talked, Gary said, "Your manual is fine. It's a good piece of work. But, my dear, you really got triggered!" So we determined that I would work on this issue as a demonstration session in Flagstaff.

This year, coming to Flagstaff involved bringing some of my manuals and new EFT/hypnosis CD's for display and sale, and I definitely wavered between excitement and fear. Putting myself out there to such an extent did feel vulnerable.

Knowing that I was going to be a demo, I started thinking about possible core issues, and an incident from high school came to mind. It was intense for me... so intense, in fact, that when I held it in my mind for 5 minutes to get my Heart Rate Variability (HRV) readings that first day in Flagstaff, it brought tears. (The HRV is a before-and-after measure that we volunteered to participate in -- the readings were taken via a computer with a sensor attached to your earlobe or finger. I'll include some more information about it at the end of this e-mail.) I got tested twice before the session and my HRV results for that issue showed low energy, low strength and some marked imbalances.

Finally, I was on-stage with Gary. From my perspective, the session that Gary guided me in had three phases. This is what it was like for me:

Phase I - Preparation: I was really impressed with how much tapping Gary did before I really got into my issue. I now have new respect for this phase -- it really helped me. What struck me was how precise Gary was. When I said that I felt nervous and tense at about an 8, he asked, "How do you know it's an 8?" Only then did I notice the details: my hands gripping the chair arms, my constricted breathing and my tense shoulders. Gary kept tapping for those specific physical manifestations until I could relax and breathe easily.

We then talked about the current issue and tapped to reframe it, something like this: "Even though I have to be perfect... and please everybody with my manual... and even though no other human being has ever pleased everyone, not even the President... especially not the President... I should be President..." etc. The laughter felt good. Then Gary asked me, "So what does this remind you of?" I said that it reminded me of something that had happened to me in high school.

GC COMMENT: One of the important features of Borrowing Benefits, as well as how to deliver EFT one-on-one, is to reduce issues down to SPECIFIC EVENTS. These are the table legs supporting the broader issue (the table). They are much easier to work with and the success ratio with them is substantially increased over working with the broader issue. As you will see below, I like to handle these SPECIFIC EVENTS as short mental movies.

Phase II - Core Issue - My Movie: The title of my movie was, "Mr. Smythe Dealt Me A Mortal Blow," and it was only about 10 seconds long. My intensity shot up saying those words, so we tapped for "Mr. Smythe in my chest... Mr. Smythe in my shoulders," targeting the places where I felt the anxiety. The tenseness released and I was ready to tell the story. Mr. Smythe had been a student teacher in my high school English class. He was quite intellectual and had taught us the poetry of Yeats. Then he assigned a creative project. I felt vulnerable and uncomfortable with the assignment since I was not one of the "cool, creative" kids, instead I was shy and withdrawn, a nerd who didn't fit in, and I was really afraid of trying to be creative. Eventually, however, I came up with a little poem that expressed my feelings about rain.

In my movie, I was sitting in the classroom with Mr. Smythe sitting on the desk in front of the room about to pick up my paper. He held it up and said -- "Class... this is an example of a bad poem." He proceeded to read each line and explain why it was bad poetry, too straightforward, not metaphorical enough, trite, etc. For me, the hurt, embarrassment, rejection and pain were excruciating.

As I told the story, Gary was tapping on me the whole time, sometimes wordlessly. That was a great technique and, though I was in tears just recalling what had happened, I could feel the poison releasing. (As Gary said, if a person is feeling the intensity, they are already tuned in, just keep tapping).

He did some reframing too, as I recall. "Even though Mr. Smythe expected me to be Yeats with my very first poem..." "Even though Mr. Smythe was an S.O.B. (!!!) ..."

GC COMMENT: I don't remember the S.O.B. thing (but don't deny having used it). However, I DO remember Betty reciting part of the poem on stage (which I thought was tender and VERY Betty-like) to which I queried (while we tapped), "How does that compare to "Jack and Jill went up the hill." This is a reframe because, obviously, Jack and Jill is a rather silly yet "famous" poem. The contrast helped create perspective.

Finally I could say the "mortal blow" words with no emotional charge. But then as we continued the movie, another piece came up. It was the intensity of fighting tears as I sat in that classroom, desperately needing to escape and hide but having to sit there and pretend I was alright. We tapped for the embarrassment and shame and my need to hide.

I felt immensely better and soon it was easy to see Mr. Smythe as a young guy who just wanted to show off his knowledge about poetry, hardly realizing that it was at my expense, probably not aware of the severe pain he had caused. We tapped for forgiveness: "Even though Mr. Smythe caused me this pain, I'm willing to forgive him, he was just a hot-shot young guy... and I hope he's learned better by now..." I felt wonderful and the intensity was all gone.

Phase III - Testing: This was the most intriguing part for me. Gary picked up several of my new EFT/Hypnosis CD's, which have my artwork on the covers, and held them up. "I think these are pretty crummy," he said. And even though I knew he was joking, the words still hit me hard and I felt some intensity again. We tapped some more: "Even though I still have this reaction... everybody has to like my CD's... my manuals... my art... my poems... or I'm not ok..." Soon my intensity was a zero. Gary picked them up again, "I don't know who would want these..." But that didn't bother me. Then he continued, "these are worthless, they're really defective," and he threw them all on the floor!

I could not believe how calm I felt, completely unruffled -- and my immediate response, without even thinking, was to say, "Well, Gary, they're not for everyone." I was laughing, I felt so free.

After: Once the session was over, I did the Heart Rate Variability test again for this issue. I ran my movie over and over in my mind, but it felt completely neutralized. And the measurable results were so exciting that they were reported to the group: my energy as I thought about this event was double what it had been previously, my strength was up by 1/3, and all indicators showed much more balance. There's something impressive about physically measurable results, even though for me the real proof was how much better I felt inside. And these results have lasted.

The next day, someone had a little constructive criticism of one of the CD's and that felt fine to me, I appreciated the feedback. And as Gary started things that morning, he surprised me by holding up my CD again. "This blue color is a terrible choice," he said. "And what's with these deer? This is really poorly done." I felt only calm strength! I immediately I stepped up to a mic to say, "Obviously this man knows nothing about graphic art and imagery for relaxation!"

How different I felt! We were all laughing. The very last day, a fellow workshop participant told me she had bought my CD's but didn't have room for them in her luggage so she'd had to leave them in her room. My immediate thought was, "Oh, maybe the cleaning staff will enjoy them." Then she told me she was joking! It amazed me that I had not felt any traces of "my creative work isn't good enough, she doesn't like it enough to keep it" -- instead I had assumed that someone else would find value in it. This is an absolutely amazing feeling, a very deep healing of that old wound. As Gary said, there may be other pieces, other aspects, that will arise... but I am convinced that we dealt with the big one.

Reflections: Being the subject of an EFT session in front of a large audience was new for me and one thing I discovered was the value of being witnessed. To hear 180 people tapping with me and saying, at one point, "Even though Mr. Smythe was an S.O.B..." was incredibly healing. The hurt child in me wasn't alone with this anymore, Mr. Smythe was held publicly accountable, and my teen self felt vindicated. Perhaps because my wound had been one of public humiliation, this aspect of being publicly witnessed was especially healing.

After the session, others in the room shared, and what had come up for several people were similar experiences of being shamed or put down by a teacher. This is, sadly, all too common. However, there was even more healing as I felt the bond with others and my personal issue was lifted into a realm of universality. It was also clear that we had gained much sensitivity and compassion -- those of us who had suffered in that way would never put anyone else through that kind of pain.

One of the amazing things about the Borrowing Benefits process is that, when you have worked in front of the group, you feel that you have helped others too. So many people came up to me to thank me and say that my work had helped them clear and heal something in themselves.

Finally, I gained a renewed respect for the value of being specific when doing EFT. It is tempting to move from issue to issue or scene to scene or address generalities, but if you take the time, patience and discipline to stick with one specific event and "stomp all over it with tapping" (Gary Craig's phrase), the results are well worth it. Since returning from Flagstaff, I've been telling everyone about my Mr. Smythe story and I can't experience a scrap of negative feeling.

I'm absolutely sure that the fear of feeling that pain again has held me back in the past... but now, whatever happens, that particular pain will not be triggered again because it's really gone. I'm very grateful. Thanks to Gary and to that Flagstaff group for this very healing experience, and thanks to everyone in the Rising Sun EFT Group for the opportunity to share it with you. (More on the HRV below)

Love, Betty

Note: The Heart Rate Variability testing was done by Rick Moses, Ph.D., who works with Stephen Daniel, Ph.D. Steve was a presenter at Flagstaff I and I think we were all impressed with what they are doing. Their website is www.QuantumTechniques.com . Here's how the HRV is described in their brochure: "HRV is a reliable diagnostic measure of the body's autonomic nervous system. It has been a staple of traditional medicine for more than 30 years and is not even 1% susceptible to the placebo effect. [...] Why are HRV results so important? The autonomic nervous system is responsible for controlling 80% of all body functions (everything that happens automatically and is very resistant to any rapid change.) Chronic imbalance in the body's autonomic nervous system has been found to lead to disease states as well as to mental and emotional disorders." They go on to state that the medical profession says it is "impossible to instantly balance the autonomic nervous system" -- but that is what EFT and other energy therapies are able to do -- measurably!

Betty Moore-Hafter

 

 

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