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Articles & Ideas

Using EFT

A guy thing: Tips on using EFT for male ED

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Hi Everyone,

Rick Wilkes gives us a detailed look at male ED and provides many EFT approaches for it. A lot of thought went into this and it is well worth studying. Women invited too! 

Also, Since this article was written years before the emergence of The Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tapping Tutorial,  I make a few updating comments within the article that I hope will be helpful.

Hugs, Gary

By Rick Wilkes

Ask any male from teenage years on and, if he's honest, he'll tell you that even the remote possibility of something going wrong with his privates is enough to cause anxiety. Of course, anxiety and stress are contributors to such problems. And such problems are contributors to stress and anxiety... Use EFT for E.D. and break this vicious cycle.

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is the inability of a man to achieve or maintain an erection sufficient for his sexual needs or the needs of his partner. Most men experience this at some point in their lives, usually by age 40, and are not psychologically affected by it.

Some men, however, experience chronic, complete erectile dysfunction (impotence), and others, partial or brief erections. Frequent erectile dysfunction can cause emotional and relationship problems, and often leads to diminished self-esteem. Erectile dysfunction has many causes, most of which are treatable, and is not an inevitable consequence of aging. [via Urology Channel]

Medical Causes of Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction may be one of the first signs of an underlying medical condition. (Mayo,

  • Diabetes (high blood sugar)
  • Hypertension (high blood pressure)
  • Atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries)
  • Fatigue
  • Brain or spinal-cord injuries
  • Hypogonadism (which leads to lower testosterone levels)
  • Liver or kidney failure
  • Multiple sclerosis
  • Parkinson's disease
  • Radiation therapy to the testicles
  • Stroke
  • Some types of prostate or bladder surgery

If you are not already under a doctor's supervision for this condition, this article is NOT for you! I don't like going to the doctor, either, but many of the conditions that may bring about erection problems are life threatening. Use EFT for your resistance to having it checked out, but get it checked!

The Emotional and Energetic Contributors to Erectile Dysfunction

On the website is an article on resolving emotional causes for erectile dysfunction. A urologist reported on a 30-year-old male patient who had recently had a vasectomy. In addition to the pain of the procedure itself, he tried ten days after the surgery to have sex with his wife and it was extremely painful. He started to believe, "I may never get better, and sex might never be the same again, and might always hurt." Using EFT the doctor was able to help his patient fully recover both his emotional confidence and normal sexual responses.

From an energetic perspective, our thoughts, our beliefs, our feelings, and the disrupted flow of energy in the body are worth exploring as contributors to erection problems.

What Does Erectile Dysfunction Mean To Me?

Start by writing down what having erectile dysfunction means to you. If you've ever said it, thought it, read it, or had a nightmare about it, list it. (Note: if you are not going to use EFT to tap the energy system and bring yourself relief, do not make this list. That would just be self-punishment. Indeed, I recommend that you CONTINUOUSLY tap the EFT acupoints as you make the list. Just tap one point a few times and move on to the next, and keep going. This will bring not only clarity but start the energetic clearing process).

Here are some limiting beliefs other men have expressed that may or may not apply to you:

  • I'm not a real man anymore.
  • I'm broken.
  • I'll be alone.
  • I can't perform anymore.
  • If I can't please her, she won't want me anymore.
  • She'll reject me and leave.
  • I'll get hurt again.
  • I can't release this tension.
  • I can't get it up.
  • I can't keep it up.
  • I can't take it all the way.
  • I feel flaccid and weak.
  • I feel so ashamed.
  • I'm too embarrassed to even try anymore.
  • I can't stand the idea of taking Viagra! And it probably won't even work for me!
  • I never know when it is going to work... or NOT... and that makes me panic.
  • I'll never enjoy sex again.
  • My body has failed me.
  • I don't even WANT sex anymore.
  • I'm just not that interested... although I want to be.
  • I am getting old.
  • She'll laugh.
  • She'll tell her friends, who will tell their men, who will...
  • Oh God, I don't even want to think about it!
  • My penis is depressed... and so am I!

Here are some limiting beliefs that might also trigger statements for your list:

  • Men shouldn't express certain feelings.
  • Sex is a performance.
  • A man must orchestrate sex.
  • A man always wants and is always ready to have sex.
  • All physical contact must lead to sex.
  • Sex equals intercourse.
  • Sex requires an erection.
  • Good sex is increasing excitement terminated only by orgasm.
  • Sex should be natural and spontaneous.

Use Your Words

I am using the term penis. Some men rarely use that term. With EFT it is important that you "call it like it is." So, if you refer to your member as Dick, Peter, Rooster, or Mr. Greedy, or some other term, use YOUR name for it. If your self-talk is harsh and cruel and uses locker room language, write those words down... but also tap continuously while you are writing.

Use EFT on Every Single Item on Your List

GC COMMENT:  Rick's thoughts here about the items on your list, including making the list itself, are good ones and you may find them helpful.  Later on in this article he talks about Specific Events and, to me, that approach is much more efficient.  It would not surprise me if focusing only on the Specific Events got the job done by itself.  See Uncovering Specific Events - An Essential Concept Within the EFT Tapping Process

Make your own list, and use EFT on each and every item on it. Start by putting a rating about "how true" it feels to you before you begin. For example, "She'll reject me and leave" may feel totally true (a 10) in your body—even though perhaps logically it's ridiculous with your strong relationship. "I am getting old" might only register a 2 on a 10 point scale. If "I don't even WANT it anymore" is completely false, a zero (0), don't put it on your list.

Next, we'll start doing rounds of EFT. We start by creating a set-up statement from an item on the list. Let's use as an example: "I can't get it up." Say it aloud, "I can't get it up," and note two things:

  1. Where do I feel it in my body?
  2. How intense does it feel? (write that number down, from 0-10)

Let's assume that when you say, "I can't get it up" the sensation is like a rock in your gut with an intensity of "8." Start tapping at the karate chop point and keep tapping while you say the statement below three times, with intensity:

Even though I can't get it up, and I feel this rock in my gut, I deeply and completely accept myself ANYWAY!
Even though I can't get it up, and I feel this rock in my gut, I deeply and completely accept myself ANYWAY!
Even though I can't get it up, and I feel this rock in my gut, I deeply and completely accept myself ANYWAY!

Now we move to tapping the other acupoints. I'm using a style here where the statement and the feeling alternate from point to point:

Top of head: I can't get it up!
Eyebrow: Rock in my gut.
Side of eye: I can't get it up!
Under eye: Rock in my gut.
Under nose: I can't get it up!
Chin: Rock in my gut.
Collarbone: I can't get it up!
Under arm: I've got this rock in my gut...
Top of head: ...and I DEEPLY and COMPLETELY accept myself ANYWAY!

Take a deep breath. Then stretch, shake a bit, and move your body around.

Okay, say the item on your list again. "I can't get it up." Is the feeling in your gut still an "8"? Write down the new number. Is it still a rock in your gut, or did the feeling change? If it changed, or got smaller, make note of that. A follow-up round might be something like this (keep tapping the karate chop point while saying the following, with intensity):

Even though I still have some of this rock hardness in my gut and I STILL can't get it up, I deeply and completely accept myself ANYWAY!
Even though I still have some of this rock hardness in my gut and I STILL can't get it up, I'm open to the possibility of enjoying sex anyway.
Even though I still have some of this rock hardness in my gut which is NOT where I want my hardness!, I deeply and completely accept ALL OF ME!

Top of head: Remaining rock in my gut.
Eyebrow: I still can't get it up.
Side of eye: Remaining rock in my gut.
Under eye: I probably still can't get it up.
Under nose: Remaining rock in my gut.
Chin: I still might not be able to get it up.
Collarbone: Remaining rock in my gut instead of my crotch.
Under arm: I still am not sure I can get it up and keep it up....
Top of head: ...and I DEEPLY and COMPLETELY accept myself ANYWAY!

Take a deep breath.

Again, make the same statement, "I can't get it up," and notice if there are ANY changes, however subtle, in how you feel in your body and in your thoughts. A drop from an 8 to a 6 is significant. You may notice an even stronger shift. You may notice very little. In my experience with clients, many men have not yet developed much body awareness. All you may notice is that you feel a bit more relaxed. That alone is a sign that the energy system is balancing, and with energy system balance comes optimal healing.

Let's review the steps:

  1. Take one item on your list at a time.
  2. Say it aloud and determine what part of your body reacts to the statement with some tension, nausea, pain, pressure, etc. Write that body sensation down, along with the intensity.
  3. Use the wording from your list along with the specific body sensation in your EFT set-up statement. There are no wrong words in EFT. Feel free to improvise, and include "and that makes me feel ________" (angry, hopeless, scared) as part of the set-up statement and tapping.
  4. Do 2-5 rounds for each item on your list. Make note of progress on the intensity.
  5. Move on to the next item.
  6. Spend 20 minutes one or two times a day on this process.

What you will likely notice first are small signs that you are feeling less anxious about "the problem." Then, you might even start feeling a bit pessimistically hopeful... that's okay, too!.

Specific Events of Sexual Dysfunction

Next, let's work on specific events... the more specific the better. On our list above, we are tapping on general feelings... beliefs expressing themselves as disruptions in the body. It's my experience with clients that such tapping helps make the energy system (and the physiology reflected by it) more resilient and strong. Specific events offers doorways into the energy system that can bring about permanent relief from the painful memory.

Ask yourself the following questions, and make notes of the specific events that come to mind, tapping continuously while you are writing:

  1. When did I first FEAR sexual performance problems?
  2. When did I first have signs of erection challenges?
  3. When did I first experience this problem?
  4. When did I AVOID sex or intimacy in order to keep from facing this problem, and how did that make me feel?
  5. When did I experience any sexual performance problems that were particularly traumatic?
  6. When (if ever) was I sexually abused?

Addressing a specific event thoroughly can be difficult when working by yourself. Why? Because we tend to gloss over the painful aspects. It is a natural defense mechanism. But that leaves the energetic disruption intact. So, I recommend that you consider working with a EFT coach or therapist. Yeah, I know. This is embarrassing stuff. Tap with me...

Even though I am totally EMBARRASSED by this erection problem, I choose to be calm and confident ANYWAY.
Even though I can't imagine openly discussing this with anyone, I deeply and completely accept my reluctance.
Even though I could really use some support here, and I'm not going to ask for it, and you can't make me, I deeply and completely accept ALL of me.

 GC COMMENT:  Good idea.  This tends to "take the edge off" and help prepare for deeper work.

Then, tap around all the points saying "This total embarrassment."

Maybe that can bring you some confidence to seek out help. If it doesn't, and you want to use EFT on these specific events on your own, here is what you can try:

  1. Start tapping continuously through the points.
  2. Write out the story in vivid detail. Include sights, sounds, feelings, tastes, words spoken, words unspoken.
  3. Once you have written the story out, go back through it, sentence by sentence. Like we did with the list, notice the body sensations. Tap on those sensations until you get relief, preferably below a 2 on the 10 point intensity scale.
  4. Continue through the story until you are complete.
  5. Set it aside until the next day. Then tap continuously while you read the story aloud. Does any intensity come up? If so, STOP and do multiple rounds until you feel some relief.
  6. Repeat this until the story seems boring or funny or at least neutral. If you can't get the shift on this specific story, I would strongly recommend working with a professional. Why? Because if a story about your sexuality PAINS you, don't you think it is going to affect your relaxed enjoyment and sexual pleasure?
  7. As an alternative to writing: speak the story into a tape recorder or your computer recorder while tapping continuously. Then, do the same procedure, going sentence by sentence, pausing to tap in between.

How many specific events will you need to go through? As many as evoke intensity and discomfort in your body as you remember them. What we see is that after you address a "number" of specific events, other related events will harmonize on their own as part of the generalization effect. It is still appropriate to quickly and vividly remember them to see if there are any different aspects (words, feeling, sights, sounds, tastes, beliefs) that pop-up to be addressed with EFT.

Women Are Affected by Erection Problems, Too

According to the Male Health Center:

"When a man has an erectile problem, the couple has a sexual problem. The women in the relationships frequently have questions, doubts, resentments, insecurities, and a need for information, understanding, and reassurance. Too often the man alone is seen as the patient and his partner is—at best—barely acknowledged, and—at worst—merely tolerated or even discouraged."

"Sometimes a woman, raised on the myths of men as highly sexual and always ready, sees her partner's erection as an emotional lie detector. A woman may view an erection as proof that a man loves or desires her. Therefore, she believes the absence of an erection means he doesn't care, or doesn't find her attractive."

The pain and suffering of these issues (and more) can be addressed with EFT. Indeed, once a man has addressed much of the intensity using EFT himself, ideally he will feel confident enough to have an honest dialogue (with continual joint tapping!) with his partner.

The STEPS TO SUCCESS in renewing intimacy through sexual intercourse are (according to Phoenix5):

  1. Admit the effects of impotence on you and your relationship.
  2. Consider your physical and psychological health.
  3. Explore the relationship factors that predict successful treatment.
  4. Learn about the causes and treatments for impotence.
  5. Discuss this problem with your mate and determine your true sexual needs.

If there is a blessing in facing a sexual challenge like erectile dysfunction, it is that it can force individuals and couples to really clean up their emotional fears, doubts, and unhelpful beliefs. Regardless of the shift that occurs in erectile performance, if you can get to a place where you feel calm confidence and can relax into a holistic sensual and sexual connection with another being, you can thrive in your relationships and deepen in spiritual connection as a couple.

GC COMMENT:  I would also strongly suggest The Personal Peace Procedure together with the Tell the Story Technique as an efficient means to line up the Specific Events and methodically collapse them.

Rick Wilkes


Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT™, by reading my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™. More efficient. More powerful.