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Articles & Ideas

Core Issues

The core issue behind Carl's inability to "perform"

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. Newcomers can still learn from it but are advised to peruse our Free Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tutorial™ for a more complete understanding.

Hi Everyone,

As we know, bedroom performance can be limited by past emotional issues. However, finding the real problem can be a challenge. Read how Carl Zander discovered and resolved the real reason he wasn't able to "carry though romantically" with his new lady friend.

Hugs, Gary

By Carl Zander

Hello Gary!

A few months ago a wonderful young lady came into my life.  Let's call her "Jenna".  She's sweet and so much fun, and we have a great time together.  I also find her extremely sexy, but a horrible issue reared its ugly head.

In the heat of passion, at the critical time, my body wouldn't work the way I would expect it to.  I couldn't carry out the deed.  I've been more excited about this girl than I've been about anyone for several years, and I found myself getting "excited" over thoughts of her at any odd hour of the day, but for several weeks I found it quite difficult to satisfy that desire, and struggled with the issue with only marginal success and a lot of frustration.  A couple of times I actually had to end a passionate encounter without "closure".  Every man's worst nightmare, right?  It strikes at one's very definition, on a primal level, of what it is to be a man.

We're led to believe that this would be a classic Viagra case, but that's not MY way, and I didn't for one second consider visiting a doctor.  I started tapping:

Even though my body doesn't work the way it's supposed to…

Even though my body isn't performing the way I want it to…

- and I moved right to possible reasons for this:

Even though if I "close the deal" with Jenna, I'll never be able to get rid of her…

Even though Jenna's too young for me and I should be ashamed…

Even though she wants all of me, and I'll do anything to protect my freedom…

Even though she'll want all my time, but I need to stay focused on my "growth work"…

I try to recognize and follow any notable "spur" that comes up, so I focused for a couple days primarily on the issue of my time.  I tapped about there not being enough time in my schedule, being imprisoned by my work schedule, being a corporate "tool", not being able to do what I wish and come and go as I please.  It's a big ongoing topic for me - my freedom.  I worked through every relationship of note that I've had:

Even though every relationship ends in failure…

Even though somebody always gets hurt…

Even though it'll crush Jenna when I leave her just like it crushed [.]…

Even though I have no right to hurt a girl that way…

Even though Jenna will leave me just like [.] did…

Even though I'll never let that happen to me again…

I did this with myriad variations, depending on the relationship in question, and being as specific as I could be.

As I poke and probe at my subconscious, trying so hard to "get it" and realize the key to the problem, a lot of frustration can result.  I find, as Gary suggests, that to just tap anything about the issue helps to loosen things up and lead to the next round.  In my struggles to get "in there."

I've even asked for help, tapping a sincere request for greater connectiveness and to be graced with divine intuition to bring the "critical point" to the surface where I can work it out.

As with most - if not all - of these "issues", the solution seems so simple in hindsight.  In fact, looking back on any particular "stopping point" in my head that I've subsequently cleared out, it seems hardly to be an issue at all.  I even have trouble remembering some of the things I've cleared only the day before.  It seems to me that through the use of EFT, the issue in question has been freed to be the "non-issue" that it really was all along.  It was me who created the belief, and my belief made it true when it never needed to be.

As it turned out there was one particular love in my past who I never really let go of.  "Tara" was the only girl who I've shared residence with.  She and her wonderful 4-year old boy and I lived together a number of years ago, and my apartment at the time changed from just the place where all my stuff was to a real home.  It was more a home and more of a family than I think I've ever had, but I honestly never realized what I was giving up until years later.  I decided to return to college, and I would do it 3000 miles away.  I said goodbye.  The critical point was this:

Even though if I close the deal with Jenna I'll be cheating on my wife and kid…

That's it.  I've never been married, and Tara and I never even talked about marriage, but these were the words that really struck home.  Pretty simple solution, but how challenging it can be to get there!  As a result of using EFT on this critical issue, I can now say that I've never enjoyed a better love life than I have right now.

As an aside, I find it very interesting that my present love-interest is quite similar in some important ways to that previous love of years ago.  They don't look or dress or talk the same, but significant challenges that have come up and many of the feelings I've experienced as this relationship unfolds are so similar.  This partner is about the same age as the other one was when I knew her, and even their names sound so much the same.

Apparently I'm recreating aspects of the previous relationship, but in refreshing new ways.  How should I feel about this?!  This seems to be the way the universe works, and as I continue to tap, it's all ok, no matter what the future brings.

Carl Zander


Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT™, by reading my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™. More efficient. More powerful.