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What to do when the "Bedroom Spark" goes out

EFt Tapping Outdated ImageNote: This is one of 3,000 articles written prior to the updated Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tapping Tutorial™. As a result, it is likely outdated. It provides practical uses for EFT Tapping but you should also explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT, by reading our free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™, and/or get help from a Certified EFT Practitioner.

Hi Everyone,

This article by Nancy Morris is very frank and on the risque side. For interested readers, though, it points the way to regaining "lost pleasure."

Hugs, Gary


By Nancy A. Morris, EFT-ADV

I’m 60, been through menopause and the hot flashes have stopped.  So did a lot of other yummy stuff.  Sexuality has always been a big interest in my life, both intellectually and physically.  If you want the facts, read the following, otherwise, skip to the next paragraph. 

In 1988 I began attending “Sex, Love & Intimacy Workshops” through the Human Awareness Institute.  In 1992 I became an intern with them and assisted at workshops as I do to this day.  Then in 1993 I learned of More University and their knowledge of and dedication to all things pleasurable; I took many of their classes culminating in taking their “Expansion of Sexual Potential” class which involved a long-term commitment, a lot of money (thousands), and sessions once a week between me and THREE teachers (quite a student to teacher ratio!!). 

At this same time a noted Tantra teacher approached me with the proposal that we teach together allowing the ancient Tantra principles and the modern approaches of More University to complement each other.  We taught workshops for women called “Self Ignited”, workshops for couples on how to pleasure each other and experience more pleasure yourself, and we taught a Tantra workshop through the Human Awareness Institute with over 100 attendees that received rave reviews.  See, sex has been important in my life.

Even during my in-the-process-of-menopause years when I was having brutal and frequent hot flashes, my libido remained constant.  But, about nine months ago things really started to change.  No longer did I think about sex every day; my interest was slowing down.  Sensual pleasure no longer sounded so appealing.  My sweetie and I still felt close to each other and wanted to be physical but found that reading in bed had more appeal than it used to.

When we would make the effort to overcome that lethargy and be sexual; it felt a little too much like work.  Then about six months ago, it became difficult, and then quickly impossible, for me to have an orgasm with intercourse (which has been more than 95% reliable and my favorite way in the past).  Oh well, we figured we’re getting older and things must be expected to change.  As long as we could have satisfying sex in any way we’d accept that.  Oral sex has always been enjoyable and a very reliable source of orgasm for me.  That would be fine.

Well, that only lasted a few weeks and then, no more orgasms in any way.  Maybe this is normal for someone who’s been through menopause and does not take any hormones, even bio-identical hormones, because I’ve had breast cancer.  We talked about this loss; I cried often about this and felt that grieving this part of my life was appropriate, as it was incredibly sad to me. 

I grieved with my partner and with girlfriends who were going through similar changes.  It felt like the end of my life as I’d known it.  It was extremely hard to accept, and yet I tried.  Occasionally my partner and I would make love sweetly and slowly but it always ended in frustration for me, and frustration for him because he just couldn’t seem to help me.  How could this happen to me, of all people???

Then I thought - I know how to do EFT.  I have studied it, taken workshops, obtained my Advanced Certificate and I’ve seen amazing results in many areas.  The founder, Gary Craig, says, “Try it on everything”.  So I started investigating my beliefs about sexuality and did some tapping every morning for about 4 to 5 minutes on Even though I’ve been through menopause and I don’t feel sexual anymore…

After a few days of tapping, I was able to better define what was going on with me and find my own internal language (the words I really use when I talk inside my head) and I adjusted the tapping to,

Even though I’m not horny anymore…

Even though I can’t come anymore…

I explored the possible secondary benefits that I might have.  Was I relieved in any way now that my sex drive was nil?  Did this allow me to prove something to my partner about the times he wasn’t interested when I was (I used to tell him we should enjoy every minute while we still had the ability to “do it”)?  Did I like belonging to the club of menopausal women who all seemed to have a similar experience?  If these seemed true to me in any way, I’d tap on them.

About a week into this I decided to add a “choice” statement.  Once again, it took a few days to find the right and honest language phrase for me: I choose to feel beautiful, sexy and horny.

Then, following the advice from Lindsay Kenny’s manual, I decided to ask my body for what I really wanted and added, I ask my body to have delicious, satisfying orgasms.

In the morning I do the following in bed before I get up:

One round of Even though I’ve been through menopause and can’t come anymore…

Then a round of I choose to feel beautiful, sexy and horny.

Then a final round of I ask my body to have delicious, satisfying orgasms.

I tap on all the usual tapping points and add one more just above my pubic bone in the center of my lower abdomen.  When I tap there I feel the vibration as deeply as I can into my vagina.

During the day I do 3 to 5 minutes while I am sitting and doing Kegel exercises.  I do the exact same phrases as in the morning but feel the sensations from the contractions in my vagina as I do the tapping.  This seems to help “hook up” the tapping points with the pleasant sensations from the Kegels.  Sometimes I do this while I am driving, other times while sitting in meditation.  I do one final brief set (2 minutes) when I get in bed at night.

After doing this for less than one month (a total of about 10 minutes a day), I felt confident enough to try lovemaking again (even though I was afraid of disappointment and frustration).  This time, lovemaking was easy and relaxed and I had a great orgasm (easily) with oral sex.

Four days later, encouraged by that success, I showered and put on a little white satin bra and thong panties (to support the “I choose to feel sexy, beautiful and horny” statement).  When my partner got home I was in bed with candles lit.  I again felt relaxed and more confident, and we made love and I had an incredibly delicious vaginal orgasm with intercourse only.  Wow.  I am really excited about EFT’s ability to help with libido and orgasm and want to share it.  I’m now setting up a small “study” group to work with for one month and will report the results at that time.

Nancy

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