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Articles & Ideas

Using EFT

Using EFT to reduce our judgment of others

EFt Tapping Outdated ImageNote: This is one of 3,000 articles written prior to the updated Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tapping Tutorial™. As a result, it is likely outdated. It provides practical uses for EFT Tapping but you should also explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT, by reading our free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™, and/or get help from a Certified EFT Practitioner.

Hi Everyone,

Note how Kiran Zehra Haider takes a spiritual approach when using EFT for this issue. Kiran says, "But now, instead of seeing it in myself, I usually observe the [objectionable] behavior in others and it triggers an uncomfortable feeling inside me.  That's how I know that even though I may not be doing it overtly, it is still something I need to work on.  So, instead of being critical or judgmental about that other person doing this thing I find so rude, I tap on myself instead."

Hugs, Gary


By Kiran Zehra Haider, MSE, EFT-ADV

Hi Gary,

I continue to be awed and inspired by watching you work with people, especially in the more advanced DVD series.  It makes me wonder how I can use EFT to duplicate your level of unconditional love, to come from that space of total acceptance of others in order to allow Spirit to do the healing through me and not by me.  Developing this skill in ourselves is, I feel, of paramount importance.  You often comment about the importance of intentionality and intuition in developing the art of EFT.  This is how I use EFT to recognize those parts of me that need healing so I can then get myself out of the way when working with others.

It is well understood that what I see in others that I may not like or approve of, is simply a reflection of that quality or aspect of character within my own self.  The trick is to maintain this awareness instead of becoming triggered into criticizing or judging it in others.  If I can learn to recognize that feeling of upset or disturbance inside myself, that emotional discomfort when I witness a behavior I don't like in another, it is a prime opportunity for me to heal that part of myself.

Let me give you an example.  It has been my tendency to be somewhat abrupt when dealing with sales people.  Perhaps it occurs when I am distracted by all the things I have to do, or I'm in a rush, or having trouble handling my own life stresses, etc.  Whatever the excuse, it is a lack of respect for the other person on my part.  I used to brush it off or not even give it a second thought until my adult son mentioned to me one day that he thought I had been rude to the sales person.  I was surprised because I had not perceived it that way.  After that, I became more aware of that tendency in myself.

Now, many years later, I have EFT as a tool I can use to address this character defect, if you will.  But now, instead of seeing it in myself, I usually observe the behavior in others and it triggers an uncomfortable feeling inside me.  That's how I know that even though I may not be doing it overtly, it is still something I need to work on.  So, instead of being critical or judgmental about that other person doing this thing I find so rude, I tap on myself instead.

Even though that was so rude…

Even though that was so arrogant…

Even though that was so insensitive…

Even though I don't like seeing this because it reminds me of my own self doing it…

Even though I feel embarrassed by this rudeness…

Even though he should have behaved differently according to my rules…

Even though I didn't like what I saw, I choose to feel calm and peaceful.

Even though I felt uneasy by that incident, I choose to feel accepting of myself and others,

Even though I felt triggered, I choose to forgive myself and others.

Even though that was not the way I want to behave myself, I choose to focus on my own healing and let others heal in their own way.

If I can't do physical tapping at that time, I find it helpful to do the tapping mentally while I am emotionally triggered rather than wait until later when it is less intense.  Just a few rounds of mental tapping brings me down to a place of inner peace and harmony.

Keeping the focus on myself enables me to keep from falling into the trap of thinking I am better than or superior to anyone else.  It also helps me to bring stuff up from the unconscious and work on it in the moment instead of trying to laboriously make lists of "things I need to work on in myself" that I never seem to get around to tapping on.  It makes every day a learning opportunity.  It makes my own growth an opportunity to see and embrace the wonder of unity.  You are not separate from me; you are a reflection of me; you are me.  My motto is becoming, "O healer, heal thyself."

Kiran Zehra Haider, MSE, EFT-ADV

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