Rapport in the prison system--Part I of III

by Gary Craig

Hi Everyone,

Not much time to write this. I'm in a motel just outside a California State Prison where I'm bringing EFT to the inmates and training a young man (Brian) within those walls to help prisoners when I am gone. I'll be here three days altogether.

Last night I received a lesson in rapport. I had two hours to explain/demonstrate EFT to 20 "lifers." These men all need help...badly. Some are more receptive than others but all of them are too macho to say they accept themselves and hum a song. After a half hour of presenting the basics of EFT and showing short videos, it was time to start doing it. I started with pain because it is kinesthetic and easier for a newcomer to recognize the benefits. I asked them to locate some physical discomfort and 12 of them found such pains. I then asked them to follow me through the process which they did half-heartedly and only mumbled the affirmation. Their tapping was light and they were snickering at each other as they went through it.

I then checked to see if we had made progress. All 12 of them reported "no change." I had never seen this before. For the first time in 6 years of doing this, I was dying on stage and I had another hour and a half to go with this disbelieving, uncooperative audience. I knew two things: (1) they weren't doing the process correctly and (2) I didn't have rapport with them.

An essential ingredient to rapport is that the other party must somehow recognize that you are like them. This was nowhere in sight in this situation. I was a college boy. They weren't. I was free. They weren't. My vocabulary was polite and articulate. Theirs wasn't. I had to get rapport or I was "dead meat," at least far as EFT was concerned.

I'm a great one for intuition and followed my instincts as I began furiously yelling at them (anger is something they understand) and used all manners of guttural language to express my feelings. Pardon my language here but I used such phrases as:

"I drove 5 f-----g hours to get here to try to help out and what do I get but a bunch of pus---s who would rather pull my d--k than give this a try. If you can't follow some simple f-----g instructions then go back to your g-d d--n cells and stare at your f-----g toilets."

This was totally out of ethics in many settings but, as it turns out, it was ideal here. They nodded their heads. I was like them. I was real. I instantly had rapport. They did the whole process correctly as I walked them through it again and all 12 men had relief. Two headaches went away, a sinus problem cleared up, stiff necks vanished, numbness in one man's hand dramatically improved (lifelong problem), another could lift his arm which had been sore for months because of an accident and so on it went. We went on to emotional issues and more successes were registered.

People helping doesn't always fall into neat little procedures.

Love, Gary

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Rapport in the prison system--Part II of III

Hi Everyone,

My rapport efforts with inmates at a California State Prison paid unexpected dividends today. After my gutter-like tirade last night my "reputation" began to spread among some of the prison inmates. Also, Brian (my trainee within the prison) spent a little time "talking me up" to some of the new fellows that I was to meet with early this morning for an EFT orientation. When I walked into the room, a dozen inmates were waiting for me and, to my surprise, they applauded me. This time the presentation went very smoothly and the men cooperated in a jovial, but serious, manner. 11 of the 12 men had physical discomforts and we got varying degrees of relief for ALL of them using only one round of EFT.

For the balance of the day Brian and I worked one-on-one with four different prisoners on a total of 12 different serious emotional issues. We got relief every time. The men were openly appreciative. They trusted and confided in us. This was a MAJOR shift for them. Some of them were near tears. That is real progress. We worked on death and grief and massive guilt. They let out their tender side (a real no-no in prison society--a sign of weakness). They needed help and knew it. Despite our efforts, they need much more. This was the first time for many of them that anyone seemed to care. They were grateful, truly grateful. What a feeling!

Brian did most of the one-on-one work and I looked on as a guide and teacher to him. He is picking it up quickly. After I leave, Brian will continue using EFT in behalf of the inmates. He is 30 years old, has a high school education and has no training in psychology/therapy whatsoever. But he knows the ropes. He is enthusiastic about EFT and knows how guys think in there. He is a master at rapport and knows when an inmate is hiding something and why. I will continue to train him via telephone and, perhaps, other visits to the prison. I am most interested in how this experiment unfolds.

On a philosophical note, these men need help, not warehousing. Imprisonment is the best way we know of to keep offenders out of society. However, until we find workable methods to unload the major emotional burdens that drive these men's behaviors, we will have to keep building new cages to put them in. So far, EFT has worked so well that I'm hoping it will get the attention of the powers that be. Wouldn't that be nice? Maybe someday every prison in the world will have a mandatory EFT program for prisoners.

Tomorrow is my last day here and we are scheduled for 6 more one-on-one sessions.

Peace, Gary

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Rapport in the prison system--Part III of III

Hi Everyone,

My visit to the prison system is over, at least for now. It was a loving experience. Most of us haven't met prison inmates first hand and all we have to go by is the stereotyped portrayal of them in the movies where they are depicted as deranged and dangerous. Those stereotypes do exist behind those walls and there are some very "tough" exteriors walking around in there. But they are more the exception than the rule. All prison inmates must maintain some form of tough facade to get along in there but most of them are just scared and don't know how else to cope. Some have been badly beaten and abused as youngsters. Others lived through Vietnam. Most of them carry constant emotional pain.

They need love. To achieve it, they gather together in cliques and confide in one another about their guilt and pain. They let their soft side show but only to their close friends. It is their form of talk therapy. They feel good letting some of this out but the pain doesn't really go away. About 1/3 of them are on medication so they can behave reasonably in that society. They have only three professionals on staff to help with these men's emotional burdens. One psychiatrist, one psychologist and one social worker. That's it. Two of them attended one of my orientations and none of them had heard of the tapping therapies. There are 4,000 inmates that these three professionals must serve. Sigh!

Brian (my trainee within the prison) and I worked with 6 men yesterday. In most cases, we took their toughest issue and either eliminated it or substantially improved it. They had relief. They smiled. They knew something important had been done. Brian did most of it while I looked on and coached. I had to take over a couple of times because of the intensity these men were bringing up. It was an awesome experience for Brian because he could feel these men's pain so vividly. Most of them were his dear friends.

One man (call him Bob) was a Vietnam Veteran and kept having flashbacks of a dear friend being shot to death right before his eyes. It was this flashback that caused the intense emotions that motivated the crime that put this man in prison. I do not see this man as a "killer." I see him as a man with intense emotions that he doesn't know what to do with. He doesn't mean anyone any harm. At the core, he is a gentle, loving man that once made a big mistake. He doesn't come close to the stereotype. We worked with this flashback and reduced it substantially. There is more to do on it, of course, because there are many aspects involved. Nonetheless, he left the room with hugs for both of us and a teary eyed gratitude. It melted me for the fifth time during my three days there. It was an exhausting day for Brian and me but we made a lot of progress. We made noticeable headway with every single inmate that came to us.

Last night I was to give another orientation to 40 new (to EFT) inmates from 6 to 8 pm. When I arrived, all the men were there and Bob was talking to them. As I walked into the room he pointed to me and said,

"And this is Gary. Listen to him. I'm not sure how his thing works but peace is at the end of it."

He went on to talk about the Vietnam issue we worked on earlier. Still a little tug in his chest but nothing like it was. He was standing there in front of all these "toughs" being vulnerable on my (their) behalf. God bless him. I melted again.

The orientation went smoothly. We made good headway with these men in the group environment. Most of them were actively interested in trying it. Many smiles, handshakes and hugs at the end. I then left the prison, went to my car and sat there for a moment in the silence. It was over. I then realized how exhausted (and thrilled) I was. I let an overdue tear come down my face, started the car and drove back to my motel.

Love, Gary

P.S. I just read this to Adrienne and she asked me to tell you Brian's last name. It is Fowlie. Brian Fowlie is Adrienne's son.