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A question for digging deep

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by Gary Craig

Hi Everyone,

Helping people becomes more difficult when they tend to repress or "can't connect" with some past issue. I have a favorite question I use in this case. I explore it in the response that follows this letter.

Hugs, Gary


LETTER: "Hi Gary, I really get to see what you mean about the art of EFT. I have started to use it with a new client. Her issues have to do with a lot of anger at authority figures and at coworkers making mistakes. She has a lot of abuse in her back ground of being hit but doesn't remember expressing anger as a child. She is sure she was angry but can't connect with it.

This women is extremely abrupt and expects that I should be standing waiting outside in the reception area for her when it is her time. (even when she was 1/2 hour early yesterday). I could really see how this attitude does not help her. It is my first case where I am using EFT only and teaching some life/communication skills in between. Keep your fingers crossed. If you have any suggestions on where to look other than just in her current life for anger at others I would appreciate it."

RESPONSE: In my experience "where to look" is in her past at those places where she was "angry but can't connect with it." Sometimes problems are so painful that we either repress or "won't" look at them. Here's the form of a question that I learned in my NLP training for this purpose. I have great success with it. It goes:

"I know you can't recall________________, but if you could, what would it be?"

This needs to be adjusted to fit the circumstances, obviously. For this client you might say:

"I know you can't get in touch with your anger when your father hit you in the kitchen, but if you could, what would it feel like?"

A little probing along these lines could well bring some anger to the surface and, if so, I would begin tapping IMMEDIATELY for it. As a therapist, of course, you must take responsibility for the use of this linguistic tool.

Also, please note that it is possible to use EFT for her anger without probing for it. Just treat it more generally. You could have her use EFT several times a day for "Even though I have this anger....." and, although it takes time, good headway will probably be made. Trees will be subtly chopped over time. Clients don't always do this, however. That's why you may want to dig up the problem right there in the office.

Gary

 

 

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