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Humor

COURTROOM BLOOPERS

COURTROOM BLOOPERS – Part 4

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

 WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

 WITNESS: Oral.

 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

 WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

 ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

 WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

 ____________________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

 WITNESS: Huh?

 ____________________________________________

 And the best for last…

 ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

 WITNESS: No.

 ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

 WITNESS: No.

 ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

 WITNESS: No.

 ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

 WITNESS: No.

 ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

 WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

 ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

 WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

___________________________________________


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