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Dear Dad

Dear Dad

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addresses "To Dad".

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands.

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Barbara and she is so nice even with all her piercing, tattoos, and her tight motorcycle clothes.

But it's not just the passion, Dad, she's pregnant and Barbara said that we will be very happy together.

Even though you don't really care for her, as she is much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has enough firewood stacked for the winter.

She wants to have many more children with me and that's now become one of my dreams, too.

Barbara taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone, and we'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Barbara can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry, Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

P.S. Dad, none of this is true. I'm over at a neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the lousy report card that's in my desk centre drawer.

Please call when it's safe to come home.

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