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Articles & Ideas


EFT for helping a mother bond with her child

Important Note: This article was written prior to 2010 and is now outdated. Please use my newest advancement, Optimal EFT. It is more efficient, more powerful and clearly explained in my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™.  Best wishes, Gary

Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. Newcomers can still learn from it but are advised to peruse our Free Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tutorial™ for a more complete understanding.

Hi Everyone,

Here is an involved EFT case wherein Gillian Wightman from the UK uses many approaches and specific events to finally bring resolution. During the article she says, "I invited her to tune into the feelings of her younger self and again this was a very free flowing expression of being scared that she would lose the baby and therefore it wasn't safe to feel connected or really love it."  Please note that much of Gillian's initial success here revolves around her heartfelt use of generalized (global) approaches.  This often brings immediate results as is so clearly illustrated here.  However, deeper and longer term approaches are often needed which, of course, she appropriately suggests at the end of her article.

Hugs, Gary

By Gillian Wightman

I was working with a young woman who wanted to use EFT to improve her relationships. On this day she was experiencing overwhelm over her relationship with her son and had been very angry when he interrupted us as she spoke on the phone. We started with noticing where this was held in the body and what the energy was like.

Even though I have this anger in my heart I accept myself without judgement.
Even though I have this stone in my heart I accept myself without judgement.

She then was aware of his responses to her.

Even though I have this brown sadness in my stomach and heart' I accept my feelings without judgement.

Tuning into the first time she felt this sadness, it was when he pulled away from her at 5 months and this still felt intensely painful. Initially we tapped on this "He wants his dad" movie.

Even though he wants his dad, he doesn't want me, I feel so low, I feel like I am not a good mother...

Even though he is turning around, he is turning away, he is turning away from me...

The emotion cleared quickly and her son came back into the room and climbed on to her lap. She realised she was tired of all the pain and conflict but also that something had changed, she did not want to push him away, she wanted him to be there and he was calm and relaxed.

I invited her to tap around as she expressed this feeling of love and gratitude to him. Then he left. She believed he was overwhelmed when she said 'I love you' so I invited her to tune into this feelings again and she sensed confusion and conflict.

She took on his energy and tapped surrogately "Is it true, can it be true, I want it so much" around all the points. Checking in she felt he was more peaceful but there was still some sadness she saw as a lighter brown.

Questioning took us to when she discovered she was pregnant. She was just about to go for IVF treatment after years of trying and she tuned into the feeling of the miracle of this. I invited her to tap on this positive experience but to be aware of the BUT or WHAT IF. We tapped without setup statement using a phrase at each point.

What if I lose him, this fear, I can't relax, I can't trust this, I can't love this baby, I might lose him, I can't bear it if I lose him''.

This brought up the memory of being told she had placenta praevia at 7 months and finding out she might lose him. She tuned in specifically to the emotion of the words the doctor had used and her memory of the time. This was a very dynamic process and it felt appropriate to just keep tapping on the words he used and expressing the feelings and reaction to those words which she did, describing her fear that she might be about to lose God's miracle.

A strong memory came up now of not being able to feel an emotional connection with him in the shower when she was pregnant previous to this event.

I invited her to tune into the feelings of her younger self and again this was a very free flowing expression of being scared that she would lose the baby and therefore it wasn't safe to feel connected or really love it. She believed she could not survive if she lost the baby. She realised that she had shut something down then and forgave herself for doing the best she could. I encouraged her to just express these feelings as she tapped.

There was still a feeling of heaviness and she still felt there was not 100% connection. I asked her to visualize where the disconnect was. She realised it was still in the shower. I asked her to visualize the disconnect and she saw it like a plug had been taken out. We tapped on this visualization including language that acknowledged that is what happened then but that they had both survived. I suggested the possibility of having permission to put the plug in now, that it really was over and ok to do so.

I asked her to check out how this connection feels and it still felt frightening, his behaviour was hurtful to her, therefore a block to allowing the connection.

Even though I am feeling hurt by his behaviour the truth is... (giving her some time to provide her own reframe) we are hurting each other, I am the adult here, I want him to feel safe with me, I take responsibility for my behavior.

Having reached this point and discharging her own negative emotion it felt appropriate now to ask her to tune into how he might have felt when she was stressed and shouting, all the while using surrogate EFT for his feelings on his behalf,

Even though I am angry with her, she is shouting at me, I'm a good kid and I want to feel ok.

Even though I am really angry with her, she puts all her anger on me, and it's not my fault, and it doesn't feel fair, I want her to love me, I really want to feel that love and I am a good kid.

She became now acutely aware that she was scaring him and that was the root of his behaviour. We tapped on her anger at herself for having blamed him and not taken responsibility for her own circumstances and feelings.

He, at this point, on cue came back into the room and snuggled into her arms. I encouraged her again to tap on her feelings about this, without setup as it did not feel necessary.

I deserve this connection, I allow myself this connection, it's safe to feel this connection, with this connection we can put the past behind us and move forward.

She visualised putting this old disconnected energy into a pouch and as she used EFT on this she felt a big energy shift and the sad feeling disappeared.

When she revisited the memory in the shower she was now imagining herself stroking her belly and feeling deeply connected to the child within. By this time her child was relaxed and asleep in her arms like a baby, for the first time, and she felt a deep, deep connection.

We are continuing to work on the relationships that are causing her distress and the core issues involved which go back to her own early childhood. She is also tapping on all the specific memories when her child would go to others instead of her. This will bring further healing to the relationship and she is noticing many improvements. She also has much more confidence in using EFT for her own memories and reactions.



Explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT™, by reading my free e-book, The Unseen Therapist™. More efficient. More powerful.