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Collapsing fears associated with a gay man

EFt Tapping Outdated ImageNote: This is one of 3,000 articles written prior to the updated Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tapping Tutorial™.  It provides practical uses for EFT Tapping and most EFT'ers should find it very helpful.  However, if your benefits are temporary or a more in-depth approach is needed, you are urged to explore our newest advancement, Optimal EFT, by reading our free e-book, The Unseen Therapist, and/or (3) get help from a Certified EFT Practitioner.  

Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. Newcomers can still learn from it but are advised to peruse our Free Gold Standard (Official) EFT Tutorial™ for a more complete understanding.

Hi Everyone,

Kiya Immergluck gently and humorously helps her client tell his mother about his gay orientation. At the end of her article she says, "I was so moved when Charlie called me to thank me.  He and his Mom hugged and cried together.  She said that she knew since he was a little boy that he was probably gay, but just didn’t know how to talk to him about it.  She was relieved (and honored) that he finally trusted her enough to tell her."

Hugs, Gary


By Kiya Immergluck, PhD

For a number of years, I have been working with a gentle young man who needed lots of support to come to grips with his sexuality.  The final test for him was to be able to “come out” to his mother.  We tapped on all of his fears:

Even though I am afraid my mother will reject me…

Even though I am afraid my mother will be disappointed in me…

Even though I am afraid my mother will become physically ill when she finds out…

Even though I am afraid Mom will think that SHE will go to hell for having a gay son….

After collapsing all of these fears, Charlie began to talk about his very special, close relationship with his mother.  He was the baby of a large Italian Catholic family, and his Mom always doted on him.  To this day, she celebrated all of his accomplishments, no matter how small.

Until we collapsed his fears, he wasn’t able to focus on the positive side of their relationship, but once we got rid of his irrational fears, it was easy to use Patricia Carrington’s “Choices” method to imagine a totally accepting outcome for the “coming out” conversation:

I choose to be calm when I tell her.

I choose for Mom to be totally accepting.

I choose for Mom to tell me that she loves me.

I choose for Mom to admit that she already knew I was gay.

When Charlie flew home to come out to his mother (after putting it off for more than 10 years), we tapped before he left Chicago, and we tapped on the phone just before he sat down with his Mom for the long anticipated conversation.

The tapping we did at the end was all about the “fear of the fear.”  We already collapsed all of his major fears, so we "practiced" before he left with me pretending to be his Mom.  I teased him by acting shocked, and then pretending to have a “heart attack” over the news.  He laughed at the absurdity, and realized that his Mom was going to be fine (and probably already knew anyway).

I was so moved when Charlie called me to thank me.  He and his Mom hugged and cried together.  She said that she knew since he was a little boy that he was probably gay, but just didn’t know how to talk to him about it.  She was relieved (and honored) that he finally trusted her enough to tell her.

She told him in Italian:  “I love you, my precious son.  Nothing will ever change that!”

Kiya Immergluck

 

 

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